Adyashanti Retreat Report No. 2
Written on April 28, 2008 by Tom Stine
I finished my second 5 day retreat with Adyashanti last Friday, and I’d like to share with you my experience once again. I will follow the same basic format as the last report, so have fun doing a comparison between the two.
Purpose of the Retreat
As I mentioned in my last retreat report, the purpose of the retreat was to deepen one’s experience of Truth, to experience a true opening or moment of pure awareness, and to possibly experience an abiding awakening. Adyashanti is a big proponent of “awakening in this lifetime, if not now.”
Adyashanti
A middle class guy, he used to work as a machinist before he started the spiritual teacher gig. Serious student of Zen for 15 years. A talented speaker and teacher. A guy who likes playing poker. All these are descriptions of Adyashanti. And while I could list 20 more, none of them would even come close to explaining to you what he is like.
I was born a skeptic. I used to be quite judgmental, especially of what I would have called 20 years ago “that religious crap.” My mom taught me from a young age how to find fault in anything (God bless you, Mom!). While it is true that I have changed over the years, quite radically to be sure, I would like to think I’m probably somewhat immune to the whole guru-disciple relationship, or at least extremely uninterested in it. I’m still a touch skeptical.
And guess what? Adya has setup his teaching and organization to make something like that almost impossible. No ashram, no worshipping the guru, none of that. A very welcome change in the spiritual world. A model for others to emulate in my opinion.
This retreat was Adya’s first since returning to teaching after a 3 month absence due to illness. He was in rare form. He was funny, energized, extremely approachable during satsang, vibrant, alive. He was all of these things last December, to be sure, but this retreat everything was double. His time away served him well. He had 350 people laughing, deeply moved, and experiencing Presence.
Silence
The silence at this retreat was SILENCE. It was huge, palpable, intense at times. Alive and vibrant. I entered the retreat in a very different place than the last one, so this time I had a much deeper and richer experience of the true nature of Silence.
Indeed, it was a silent retreat in the conventional sense, which meant no communication of any sort from Sunday evening until Friday at 11:00 am. I love the silence. Very, very good for one’s soul (well, that is if one actually had a soul).
People
How could the people be any more wonderful? There were older women with long gray hair and “earthy” clothing. Young guys with shaved heads. Beautiful women to give the mind something to fixate upon. Ugly old guys with big bellies eating 2 or 3 desserts at dinner. There was no one type or even close.
And then there was the star of the last evening’s satsang, the 12 Step Lady. She wasn’t trying to be funny, but her story, her demeanor, her comments, you name it, had everyone laughing uproariously. She could do stand-up. I can’t wait to get the recording of the retreat just to hear her again.
Finally, as there were a number of us from out of state, we got the experience of sharing a 10 passenger van for a 2 hour trip from San Jose International Airport to Monterey. What a great group who rode down and back together. We met for dinner after the retreat at a lovely Indian restaurant in San Jose. We came from Milwaukee, West Palm Beach, Charlottesville, VA, Barrington, RI, Chicago and of course Ozark, MO (yours truly). Blessings to all of you.
Schedule
Same as before. Meditate for 40 minutes at 7:30 a.m., breakfast, satsang with Adya from 10 a.m.-12 p.m., lunch, 3 meditations of 40 minutes each with 30 minute breaks in the afternoon, rest period, dinner, satsang with Adya from 7-8:45 p.m., final meditation, lights out at 10:00 p.m. We had 5 meditations for a total of over 3 hours of sitting each day. I often skipped 2 of the afternoon meditations because my back was killing me sitting in the meditation hall. I would go sit in one of the many funky old buildings, in a comfy chair in front of the fireplace and meditate or take a walk on the beach. Those times were amazing, lots of great moments sitting in silence watching the processes of my mind.
How I Spent My Days
I got up, meditated, ate, walked on the beach, sat, listened to Adya, slept at night. I did nothing else. No computer, no phone, no conversation. Just hours and hours of meditating and contemplating and sitting.
This retreat was a bit unique because I shared a room with a good friend of mine. And we spent 5 days actively ignoring each other! I tried my best to not look at him because the temptation to slap him on the back or crack a joke was high at times. He reported after the retreat that he had to consciously ignore me, too. It was great to talk with him afterwards, though, and compare experiences. He loved the retreat, too.
Location
credit: Asilomar, you get better each time! The former YWCA camp turned conference center is right on the beach, and this time I couldn’t spend enough time walking down to Pebble Beach and listening to the sound of the surf. Between the beach, the incredible staff who skillfully accommodated 350 silent people, the good food and the funky old buildings, well, it is a perfect location for a retreat.
My Experience This Time Around
I will confess that I went to the retreat with a bit of a theme. I’ve learned over time that expectations can often be less than helpful, but fortunately for me, they did not get in the way. In a certain sense, I really didn’t have an expectation. More of a push in a certain direction. No matter; my bit of theme for the retreat was to deepen my experience of oneness. And, interestingly, I did.
From the moment I got on the shuttle from the airport I started experiencing reinforcement of a framework that I’ve found useful for looking at awakening. I first learned of this framework from Adyashanti, in fact, but I’ve run across it in other places. It is best seen in the following statement from Nisargadatta Maharaj:
When I look within and see that I am nothing,
that is wisdom.
When I look without and see that I am everything,
that is love.
And between these two, my life turns.
I will write an article at some point concerning my experiences with awakening, but suffice it to say that in this framework, I’ve looked within and seen that I am nothing. And so I wanted to go beyond what had been my limited tastes of oneness, of everything-ness. Well, I really shouldn’t say “I wanted to go beyond” but, well, you get the idea. There was something pulling me in that direction.
So, when I got on the shuttle, a woman I met had returned recently from India where she had spent 3 weeks at Oneness University. A long discussion ensued, naturally. When I mentioned a bit about my interest in oneness, she recommended a book to me by Arjuna Ardagh entitled Awakening to Oneness (you know I will buy it and read it, right?). And on and on it goes, oneness, oneness, oneness just flowing out of people’s mouths, Adya’s guided meditations, you name it.
When I look without and see that I am everything, that is love.
And between these two, my life turns.
I dialogued with Adya on the first full day about some recent experiences I have had, and also on this theme of oneness, and he told me what I knew to be the case already: just let it happen. Story of my life (and yours, too, if you must know the truth). Just let it happen. It is inevitable. It is the way of all things. And so, something within me relaxed, and I started having the most sublime experiences of unity with people, things, feelings, locations, you name it. I simply let go, relaxed, and went with the fact that there is no difference between me and anything else other than what my thoughts say. And they are not true. Ever.
I’ve had various discussions about thoughts with others on the path, and my experience at this retreat reinforced a viewpoint (or more appropriately, a knowingness) I have been taking more and more. And that is that all thoughts are untrue. Even the ones that have a semblance of truth, such as 2+2=4, are still not true. Oh, sure, 2+2=4 is useful, but even a “law” of nature could change tomorrow.
Everything in the world of form changes, or at the very least can change. If you ask me, “Will 2 plus 2 equal 4 tomorrow?” in all honesty I have to answer “I don’t know.” How can I know? The future is always The Unknown. As I begin to see things more clearly, it appears to me that there is only one Truth not many, and this one Truth is beyond all words (although it is a lot of fun to attempt to discuss it with words). All else is supposition, believe, mind stuff. And thoroughly untrue. Even this viewpoint (see, lots of fun!).
Bowing
Of course, I could go on and on with my experiences, but I will leave you with one curious thing that happened that has been a joyous relief to me. I live in a part of the US that is not the hippest place to be. We are a middle class, Midwestern place with strong Christian values. Folks like me are not that common. We also lack a strong professional class, and since Missouri State University is here, we have tons of middle class college kids running around. I hope I’m painting a fair and accurate picture. You probably can envision the place, right?
Given all the above, and given that I work at home, it is not that easy to meet “like minded people” where I live. In California, it’s like shooting fish in a barrel, but here, it is more like trying to catch a fish in a toxic lake. That has frustrated me over the years. I have lots of friends whom I love dearly, but I have longed to meet “my people.”
Well, guess what? Everyone is my people. And I learned this fact from a very simple action: bowing. Adyashanti spent 15 years studying Zen before he experienced his final awakening, so he flavors his retreats with a bit of Zen. And one of those flavorings is bowing. At the beginning of each meditation, we are encouraged to bow to our chairs, partly as a way to break the attachment to the “guru” up front by humbling oneself before an inanimate object that is just as “holy” as the holy man up front. Also, bowing to our chair is paying respect to our seat, the place where we will be supported (literally) in our meditations. In addition, we bowed twice at the end of every meditation.
I really got into the bowing on this retreat, and the thought came to me to bow to people whenever I was experiencing any sort of dissonance in their presence. It is amazing the feelings and thoughts that get generated even when people say absolutely nothing to you. Their gestures, their clothes, their jewelry, their hair(!) you name it, all can provoke reactions. But when I bowed, all reaction evaporated. I simply fell silent from the humble action of bowing in humility to what outwardly appears to be another person, but who in truth is the same as what I am.
Inwardly I started to experience a sense of “and them, too” as I bowed. They rarely if ever noticed my little bow, but I did. The sense of oneness grew deeper and deeper from doing so. And now that I’m at home, I’m still bowing. Bowing to the cashier at the grocery store, the farmer driving his truck way too slowly, my son, my ex, everyone I meet. What a blessing! People are so amazingly beautiful when you bow to them.
So you can see that this retreat was Tom’s Oneness Retreat. How nice, wouldn’t you say? That was the essence of everything that occurred for and to me. And I keep on bowing.
The $64,000 Question Yet Again: Did Tom awaken?
I asked this question at the end of the the last retreat report because several people at that retreat had said that they “came to the retreat hoping to awaken.” I gave a nice little answer to the question in the previous report, which was a good one for me at that time. But now, I have a different one:
What a silly question!
A better answer than that will be forthcoming. I need a few more days to sit and reflect and, well, be silent some more. But now I am seeing the question as completely irrelevant and, in point of fact, misguided. That would explain why those who go to retreats such as these hoping to awaken are most often disappointed.
But fortunately for me, I was not disappointed. I’m glad I went. Exceptionally glad. Your thoughts and comments are most welcome.
If you enjoy this article, please vote for it or share it with others. I appreciate your support.
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Tagged with: Adyashanti • oneness • retreat • silence
on April 29th, 2008 at 1:20 am
Tom, The way you wrote this post made me feel like I was there. Thanks. I bow to you.
Mark Krusen’s last blog post..Justa reflecting on some things.
on April 29th, 2008 at 9:25 am
@Mark And the cool thing is, a bow begets a bow. Thanks Mark. I love the bowing and the writing. And, I also love the coaching I do.
on April 29th, 2008 at 10:30 am
Hi Tom
Very powerful, thank you. Wish I was there & I was (laughs). You raised quite a few great points. You describe for example, the intellectual path. The path of devotion on the the hand requires an object of devotion. Much less common in the west. But you can see how Adya addressed both. Indeed, each of us must touch all paths on the road home.
You also talked about the power of the group, how it amplifies the One, the silence. I intend to blog on that point shortly.
So many things brought back memories. You mentioned a roommate. A short retreat I was on last year, I shared a room with an old friend. We did so much laughing. Better you ignored each other.
Last summer I tried silence on an optional-silence non-residential retreat. Didn’t work.
You mention about expectation. I have found, and teachers have mentioned, that the retreat begins well before the retreat. We may thus have strong intuitions about it. These can be quite valid. I’ve had a good sense of the tone of a number of them - but of course it always plays out in unexpected ways. If we can leave it as innocent knowing and not fall into expectation, that is ideal.
The book ‘Awakening to Oneness’ is quite good. Arjuna is awake (from another path) and wrote it from that place. Much of what he described of the Oneness blessing (Deeksha) I saw in meditation as well. Indeed, the movement appears to be picking up ideas from other groups. They are building a massive facility, yet only intend it for a few years, until the golden age. At a couple of unrelated things i went to, someone was invited to offer Deeksha. The idea is sort of channeling divine energy. I experienced nothing, in spite of being quite aware of that. Others had great experiences, but I’m not sure if this was due to the blessing or the allowing.
Adya talks about the not knowing as an aspect of the loss of individual. Of the maturing of awakening. In a way, the awakening process is opening, in another way it is the dropping of limitations we have held from the illusion. So to fully awaken we have to discover we know nothing so we can remember who we really are.
On bowing, you describe the meaning of Namaste. The bowing is also an exercise in allowing. And gratitude. Gratitude is such an incredibly important tool. Love and gratitude are key aspects of the way being becomes. So any way in which we reflect what is, we increase our connection. Very beautiful you’ve carried that forward. The divine heart is coming up on your journey.
And now you see more why the word ‘enlightenment’ has no meaning. Its one of the great ironies of the path. We long to arrive, work hard to ‘get there’. Then we discover that all of our ideas of where we are going were wrong. They don’t begin to capture it. Its even better. (laughs)
Thanks again, Tom. The post really touched me.
Davidya’s last blog post..The Electric Sun
on April 29th, 2008 at 10:37 am
Looked up my notes of Adya from ‘Journey after Awakening’ on not knowing. A few quick points:
- not knowing is a maturing of the waking
- the grip of ideas of who we thought we were
- then it settles into the heart
on April 29th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
@Davidya You know, I’m going to refrain from commenting on your comment. It was well written and stands on its own. Let me just say “you’re welcome.”
Hey, we need a new smiley for bowing. :-B
on April 29th, 2008 at 7:41 pm
per http://www.astro.umd.edu/~marshall/smileys.html, it would be something like:
(_ _)
or –
or m(_ _)m
Evidently all Japanese in origin. ~8*)
Davidya’s last blog post..Greatful
on April 29th, 2008 at 8:10 pm
@Davidya Cool! I like (_ _)
on April 30th, 2008 at 12:16 am
I loved the anti-spam question 2+3= ?
I had no idea for a moment after reading your bowing story - thankyou tom - it really brings about a sense of gratitude and humility, thankfulness and joining.
grazi
on April 30th, 2008 at 9:22 am
A very nice sharing, Tom.
I can’t imagine how it feels like to ignore each other.
What’s the point?
I mean, even though you are not talking but your mind is busy to consciously avoiding it.
:-B
Raymond Chua’s last blog post..The Law of Attraction of the Time Management
on April 30th, 2008 at 9:32 am
@Annie Glad you liked the anti-spam question. Pretty effective so far! I’m glad you enjoyed the report and bowing story. It was my heartfelt pleasure to share. :-B (my new symbol for bowing).
@Raymond Ah, my friend and I had to ignore each other because it was so tempting to break silence out of old habits. We are such habitual creatures, walking around in the trance of our egos that we do things very unconsciously. Ignoring my friend and others was necessary to maintain silence. Yes, the mind was engaged, but the point of silence isn’t to still the mind, it is to be confronted with the minds relentless chatter and to see it for what it is: noise. Not to be stilled, no more than one would need to still the sounds of birds or the wind in the trees. And when you get it that all the mind is is noise, it gets quieter all by itself.
on April 30th, 2008 at 9:41 am
Hi Tom,
Thanks for the explanation. I got it now. :-B
Raymond Chua’s last blog post..The Law of Attraction of the Time Management
on April 30th, 2008 at 10:57 am
Wow Tom - I feel like I was there
You write very well!
I find myself wondering about what that silence with so many others would have felt like for me. I have experienced moments of silence that have really helped me
But with so many others for that amount of time? Maybe one day I’ll do that too - with words like vibrant and alive to describe the experience - I sure am curious!
And I’ll tell you what - I hear “Just let it happen” and theoretically I understand but its actually one of my biggest struggles. I fight everything.
This year - I’m much more in tune with the things that I’m doing..how I’m going about it and so I can catch myself
Even a week down the line, I’ll say “hey..JEMi..let it be”
Its empowering, it’s scary for me, and it never ceases to amaze me how much I benefit from letting things happen.
All in all, wonderful post Tom - thank you for sharing!
JEMi | Tips for Life, Love, You’s last blog post..Self Fulfilling Prophecies: Getting Your Life Back
on April 30th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Hey JEMi
Theres a little trick to not fighting. Even your push to “let it be” can be a resistance. Like Tom describes how the mind settles just by being seen, its the same with this. Struggling with struggle just causes more struggle. Resistance to resistance. The ego knows no other way. It requires a new looking. “Just let it happen” means observe. See the struggle or resistance. When you just see it without judging it, it is seen through. Then you can ‘just let it’. You have shifted from ego mode to the observer.
And remember that the scary part is not because its scary, its because the ego is afraid to loose control. When you step past that, what remains is peace.
Davidya’s last blog post..Greatful
on April 30th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
@Raymond :-B
@JEMi Hey, it worked! I’m glad you felt like you were there. Every writer’s intent. You would love a silent retreat. The beauty is all the people around you give your mind tons of things to fixate on. You get to really hear it chatter away. And then you realize, hey, wait, it’s just NOISE. It doesn’t mean much if anything. Noise, no better or worse than the sound of the wind. And then things get a lot quieter.
on April 30th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
Davidya: Thank you for the reply - I read it and thought “geez… its so true!” The struggle to stop struggling begets more struggling!
When I experienced what it was like to actually let go, even for just a moment, it was exhilerating..a first time experience. I take your tip to heart, thank you 
And that ego of mine, well, I’m working on it
Tom: I harbor LOTS of noise. Sometimes I don’t think its even natural. Thats why as I read about the fact that there was such silence for such a long amount of time, I was intrigued. I imagine after sometime, the noise would dissipate and I long for that. So I try my hand at meditation and things like that. The best part of all of this is “practice makes perfect”..finding my way to get there through trial and error and learning for those who know (like you)
I appreciate this blog
JEMi | Tips for Life, Love, You’s last blog post..Self Fulfilling Prophecies: Getting Your Life Back
on April 30th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
@Davidya I always appreciate your contributions and comments. You very often “say” what I might have said or wish I would have said. :-B
@JEMi, is Davidya is right. The ego is a master of engaging you in its craziness. You are the awareness that is aware of the ego/mind, and by keeping you in a trance to it, it keeps itself going. Let it be really means something more like STOP. Not a doing stop but a ceasing stop. Then the mind can get quiet ON ITS OWN because you are not giving it energy. No power = quiet mind. You will get there. The fact that you are as young as you are and even looking at this stuff means that you will be moving along the path and finding your way. And thank you, I appreciate having you here.
on April 30th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
I enjoyed your trip and experiences very much…wish you’d talk about sounds more often….i want to know about the wind brushing the trees in Monterey…is it the same to you as the wind in the Ozark countryside…and the feel of it!..is it biting or caressing…the smells of the ocean breeze mixed with forest scents….that’s me too…I’d like to experience freezing gales in the North sea, but the prison…my body….will shut down and ruin everything…so I read the perfect storm and dream.
My Yaqui grandpa gave me clarity with his “manana” concept. “my son, put all your dreams and realities in the manana basket. For now, just experience this moment. This moment’s knowledge is all you will have and need….the rest is in manana’s basket. Failures and successes go in manana’s basket. The hunger you felt this morning and the beating your papa gave you before now are also to be put in the manana basket. The scent of that senorita shall have a place in the manana basket as you do not want it to confuse your next scent. Be present and all the things in the manana basket will be there for you manana.
And as he lay dying,”muchacho, can you imagine what a great burden my manana basket would have been for me! I am so lucky that it is waiting for me manana.
on April 30th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Tom - just wanted to complement you on your response to Raymond. You summarized it beautifully. The art of stepping back.
Davidya’s last blog post..Happiness Everlasting
on April 30th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
@Balanor Thanks for your comments. You are right: this moment’s knowledge is all you have and need.
@Davidya. Thanks. Yes, stepping back.
on April 30th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Hi Davidya,
That’s really a beautiful explanation.
:-B
Raymond Chua’s last blog post..The Law of Attraction of the Time Management
on May 1st, 2008 at 9:20 am
Hi Tom!
Thank you for sharing all this. There is an earnesty and openness in your way of adressing all of this which has a beautiful radiance to it. The type of radiance which will leave noone un-touched.
I love to hear of the power of being right there, bowing to everyone. As you, I have many times said to myself ‘I wish there was more likeminded people around me’. But there aren’t, because my mind is mine and it is different. One must, as you so lovingly point to, see that what unite us is really something quite different, much more simple, really.
I could say a thousand things of how great it is with all this sharing of yours, but suffice to say, your words are deeply inspiring. They awaken dormant knowing within me, remembering the power of silence and pure being.
I bow to that in you which is I.
on May 1st, 2008 at 10:52 am
Hey Tom,
Thanks for writing such a wonderful summary of your experience. I enjoyed reading it and want to go to an Adya retreat myself. I’m also excited about trying the bowing. There are a few people at work that I’m going to try it on and will let you know how it goes.
Love,
Sasmita
on May 2nd, 2008 at 8:57 pm
@Magnus Welcome and a pleasure to read your comment. I can’t say enough how the bowing has been working in and through me. I love bowing to everyone. It is a great humility to do so. Thank you for your comments and your kind words of praise.
@Sasmita Hey you!! Glad to have you here and leaving a comment to boot. Excellent. I know we’ve discussed Adya plenty, and I can’t help but thinking that you would really enjoy a retreat with him and his presence. I bet you would get a bang out of it.
Let me know how the bowing goes. Feel free to leave comments any time. It is great to see a good friend here.
on May 4th, 2008 at 5:59 am
Thanks for the report, Tom - I have to say I’m a little jealous! The retreat sounds fantastic, maybe someday I’ll be in the position to experience it for myself. #8-)
The main thing that jumps out at me from this post is the idea of bowing, particularly the imperceptible bow to “dissonant” (what a lovely choice of term) people. Will you be writing more on that at some point? I’d be interested to read what you have to say in more depth on the subject.
Shadowduck
on May 4th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
@shadowduck It was fantastic, to say the least. Thanks for the suggestion. I might right more about bowing and “dissonant” people.
on May 5th, 2008 at 5:00 am
@Tom and Shadowduck
Dissonant; clearly a useful tool! I would also love to read more on how you approach dissonant people, or those who your lesser self feel dissonant with
I often find, the people who push my buttons, are also my greatest teachers.
Jack Kornfield write inspiringly in ‘After the Extacy: the Laundry’ about bowing and how he learned to bow to everyone. It is a beautiful and genuine practice, indeed. I feel, humbleness is an essential balancing factor in this whole spiritual search thing I’m in. A path without humbleness is a dangerous path, all too easily leading one into a false sense of enlightenment, which is arguably highly dangerous not only to ourselves, but those around us.
Love,
Magnus
on May 5th, 2008 at 8:07 am
@Magnus I must confess: people who knew “back then”, and even some a bit more recently, would probably say, “You know, Tom was a nice guy, but kind of arrogant.” Yes, it is true. But one of the beauties of the journey for me has been humility. I have simply had to confront the fact that I don’t know anything at all. The bowing is an expression of that humility, a reminder, a pointer. I couldn’t agree with you more.
on May 5th, 2008 at 9:50 am
Magnus - great observation. The people that irritate are often the ones expressing that which we resist. When we stop so much resisting, the irritation drops. A friend of mine had long had difficulty with family reunions, in spite of being a spiritual teacher. Last year, he was finally able to just be with it the way it was. As he had stepped out of his side of the dynamic, the enmity dropped and he restored a number of once poor relationships.
Bowing we might say is the practice of allowing that steps past our story of resistance.
Davidya’s last blog post..Eckhart on Oprah 9
on May 9th, 2008 at 9:40 pm
I love these personal stories and life born of experience so we can all get what you are getting. As I @ on twitter, keep the personal. (are you getting my replies on Twitter?)
Michelle Vandepas’s last blog post..Jai Lee Living Beyond Belief Podcast
on May 14th, 2008 at 11:23 am
Hi Tom,
For awakening, read “Joy” by Alexander Lowen. About how to exit your ego and become YOU
on May 14th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
@Wanda Thanks for the book recommendation. I will check it out!
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