And You Live Where?
Written on February 14, 2008 by Tom Stine
Every time I travel, I usually meet people from many parts of the U.S. and the world. The conversation moves around the usual topics, and invariably includes the question, “Where are you from?” In response, I usually pause, take a deep breath, and respond, “Springfield, Missouri.” If the person I speaking with is from the U.S., they usually seem to know where Missouri is located, although you can see from the look in their eyes that they have never been there (and have no plans for visiting). If they are from other parts of the wide, wide world, their eyes actually glaze-over as they contemplate their mental map of the world and discover that something called “Missouri” doesn’t exist on it. And everyone always asks the question that I know is coming, the one that caused me to take a deep breath: “So, what’s it like living there?”
What’s it like? I’ve given as many different answers as the number of people I have met. What’s it like? Well…. As I write this entry, I’m sitting in a local coffee place called Kaldi’s, a Starbucks with food and free WiFi, and a few moments ago I saw the headline of the sports page of the local paper. The headline spoke volumes about “what’s it like” to live in Springfield, Missouri. The headline read:
“Central Bible College Defeats Baptist Bible College”
Yes, the biggest sporting news in Springfield was the defeat of the Baptist Bible students by the Assemblies of God Bible students in a basketball game last night. Speaks volumes, doesn’t it? And, in reading that one headline, a few issues came rising to the surface that twisted my gut and gave me something to release upon.
For years, I have defended, justified and explained to myself and others why I live here. I have worked diligently to be satisfied with living in Springfield, and at times I have even pretended that I was happy living here. But the truth of the matter is that I am not. My gut got twisted from reading the headline of the sports page because, truth be told, I really hate living in Springfield, Missouri. Sitting here at Kaldi’s, I’m experiencing much sadness and anger that I live here. I want to do something about this situation, work a goal, plan my escape, do anything to end my sentence here in my self-made prison (ironically, Springfield is home to a federal prison/medical center, the home of sick mobsters and other big-time federal felons).
If I asked Hale Dwoskin, the principal instructor of The Sedona Method, about this issue, he would surely say to me, “Who is it that hates living in Springfield?” I pause a moment and let this sentence sink into my mind. And then, it slips past my thoughts, and I feel the release. My heart and mind become lighter. Whenever I get a good release, I usually experience a “brightness” in my awareness, almost like someone has turned on the light in my mind’s eye. The light came on just now.
Let’s go further: “Who is it that thinks living someplace else would be better?” Again I pause, and again the light comes on. The answer, of course, is no one. There is only the experience of being at Kaldi’s, typing these words on my Mac, watching the manager, Dan, do his thing as he moves around the place. I suddenly feel connected to Dan, who always says hi to me every time I come in. The gaggle of soccer moms doing there thing a few tables away seem exceptionally lovely today. Of course, they all spent hours making themselves look that way, but I digress. (Yes, more releasing needed, I know.)
I’m amazed that simple questions like “Who is it that hates living in Springfield?” can clear so much space inside so quickly. The releases are good when using this 5th Way approach (the Sedona Method term for spiritual inquiry). I feel so much less like I need to do something, and far more like I could do something if doing is what happens next. I feel freer to act.
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on February 27th, 2008 at 9:24 am
Tom, I stumbled upon your blog by accident. Your comment was one of how many on Problogger. I’ve only dipped my toes into your site and I’m quite interested in diving in the rest of the way. It’s great to meet you and hope to communicate again. Feel free to stop by my site, which is just a baby and I’m still feeling my way around in. Have a great day. I had to use both feet and both hands to get the math question answered, please use a smaller Number next time!
on February 27th, 2008 at 10:29 am
@Mark: I’m glad you like the site. I hope you find more good stuff to read over the coming months. And, just to make it easier, I lowered the numbers for the Math Comment Anti-Spam plugin. The worst problem you can get now is 4+4!
on February 28th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
Dear Tom - In case you don’t check for answers on your comments - here is mine from my blog!
If you will notice under the name of my blog there is a subsentence that reads -
The house, portfolio, Mercedes and the 2.5 kids have been attained – and the question being asked now is, “IS THAT ALL THERE IS?”
So, obviously, I agree with your friend.
Could not sleep last night so I read your entire blog and looked at the videos.
- and subscribed to it. Will be following your excellent articles closely. You have much to contribute.
When I first started reading your latest article about where was Missouri, I remembered a map that was published a few years ago.
It was called “A New Yorker’s map of the United States.”
The map showed New York connected to Chicago to Miami to Los Angeles and Texas. Nothing else.
As a former New Yorker transplanted to Chicago, I can relate to that!
Bu the end of the article, I was thinking of a book called,
“Wherever You Go, There You Are.”
Hope you are enjoying the local football games.
on February 28th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
Tom, I spent almost a year living in Kennett, Missouri which is in the bootheel of the state when my husband and I became houseparents in a group foster home there. We were there just short of a year before we moved to central Arkansas. Missouri was a new experience for us. Kennett is flat, farm land with lots of mosquitos in the early evening and the wind seemed to blow the entire time that we lived there. I loved the people that we met there. Finances forced us to move when we did.
I have a very distant cousin that lives in Springfield. I have driven through there several times going from Arkansas to other places.
I am sure you have reasons for staying where you don’t want to be. What I discovered after 5 moves in 5 years with Kennett being the 3rd move during that time period is that wherever we moved, and I am including my husband in this statement, we always took us with us on each move. He had his reasons and I had mine. The problem was with us, not the places we lived. I got into a recovery program in Adult Children of Alcoholics and then later in Al-Anon and discovered that I was my own main problem. According to my husband, I am his too. I didn’t get happy, at least part of the time, until I started liking me.
I came to visit after reading yours and Corinne’s comments on her blog. Like Corinne, I will stay and read more. I have met so many wonderful people in this way.
on February 29th, 2008 at 8:25 pm
@Corinne No, I didn’t follow up on my comment. I’ll head over to your blog. And I am honored that you read everything. Good thing you caught me at the beginning of my blogging journey. In a few months you would have had much more to read!
As for the New Yorker’s map: I LOVED it. It started as a cover of the New Yorker, if memory serves. No offense, but it was an extremely accurate portrayal of most of my New York friends over the years. Not much past the Hudson River, is there? Oh, you just gotta love it!!
on February 29th, 2008 at 8:27 pm
@Patricia You know, I couldn’t agree more with your comments. Funny, it really has only been in the past few months that I’ve begun to truly like where I live. Not all the time, but I get moments where I love it. And, it has been a direct reflection of how I feel about life in general. As the awakeness in me has “awakened,” my delight in living has grown deeper and deeper.
on March 8th, 2008 at 5:20 pm
Tom, I’m enjoying your blog….I live in Colorado Springs - home to 25 of the top conservative Christian organizations. I love inquiry…IS there a relationship between Byron Katie and Sedona method?Patricia, I know you from commenting. I was a foster mom for years.. We’ll have to connect!
on March 8th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
@Michelle I’m glad you are enjoying the blog! That is always nice to hear. Ah, Colorado Springs, you can completely relate. Amazing, isn’t it? At least Ted Haggard is no longer “blessing” your fair city with his presence.
As for Byron Katie and the Sedona Method, there is definitely a relationship. They both help to unblock or even undo the whole mental/emotional field. They are both great methods for getting the psycho-physical energy flowing again. Katie works with thoughts and beliefs, the Sedona Method with feelings (at least initially), but in my experience, they accomplish the same thing in a very similar way. As a matter of fact, when the creator of the Sedona Method, Lester Levenson, died, Byron Katie called the Sedona Method office to see about becoming the public figure for the Sedona Method. So, I’m guessing Katie would say there is a relationship.
on March 17th, 2008 at 1:00 am
Tom, see what happens when you don’t get enough sleep?:)The community you are helping to build is awesome. I too will continue to return as the paths others are on is interesting to read.Who needs to buy a book for adventure right?As to the above comments, my wife and I are thinking of becoming foster parents in the near future.We’ll have to talk later.I’m Justa saying!
on March 17th, 2008 at 10:56 am
@Mark: Glad to have you as a reader. I’m really enjoying everyone’s comments and the interaction.
on April 28th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
@Tom - I was amused by your description of your relationship with your home. I always wondered how people could live there long term (laughs). I lived for a bit in SE Iowa so know the area. And the tendency to be more ‘localized’ there. North of Washington state meant DC to many.
I live on the SW coast of Canada. Its a temperate rain forest, so people consider the area as “rains too much” or “paradise”. The dogma here tends to the other end of the scale. Back east, they call us ‘lotusland’. The question that might come up in my mind is “Who can afford to live here?” But they tell us internationally, its still cheap. hmmm
Davidya’s last blog post..The Electric Sun
on April 28th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
@Davidya Ah, you know my world! Some day I will probably move away to some place that is both paradise and imperfect: too much sun, too many earthquakes, too much rain, too many tourists!
on April 29th, 2008 at 1:08 am
Tom would that place be California. If Momma would do it I would try a new location. Why you ask? Because I can would be my answer!! With a Grandson on the way you can be sure that we are here in Phoenix, Ny for a while yet.
Mark Krusen’s last blog post..Justa reflecting on some things.
on April 29th, 2008 at 9:24 am
@Mark I’m not sure if CA is the right place. I love the Bay Area, so that’s a possibility. But Hawaii, Portland, Seattle, Boulder, even Sedona all come to mind. Don’t get me wrong, I love where I live, I really do. But something calls me to be elsewhere. It will be a few years, at least I think.
Who knows? I thought I would move away from here 20 years ago, and, well, still here! Oh, life is too much fun!
on April 29th, 2008 at 9:45 am
Well, Tom, I did move away 20 years ago. Several times. But I always ended up back here. And the experience elsewhere helped me appreciate how great it is here. Theres a spot, about a half hour away, that was recently described as one of the 5 most sattvic (pure) places in the world. Reflecting that, it has i think the largest number of vastu homes in the country. (Kind of an architectural fung shui)
But as they say, home is where the heart is. And the real home is not ‘out there’. We find that within, then find it without. Then everywhere is home.
Curiously, I intend to blog on a related subject, called ‘the push’. A little later…
on April 29th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
OK - here it is - The Push. (link below) The flow moves through and in and change is afoot…
Davidya’s last blog post..The Push
on April 29th, 2008 at 6:14 pm
@Davidya Sometimes I get curious about staying here. In many respects I love this place. It is so ridiculously quaint. Frustrating at times. Beautiful rolling hills. You name it, the Ozarks has it. The biggest gripe that I and most of my close friends have is, well, that we are a minority of sorts. We are spiritual people in a sea of fundamentalist Christians. Hmm…. Interestingly, as this “ego cleaning” process has moved forward in me, I find that I am being challenged by aspects of my life to let go, let go, let go. I became aware as I flew home from Adyashanti that this was an area of my life that demanded letting go. Curious, huh? Will Tom make peace voluntarily, or will life force him to? Stay tuned!
on April 29th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
@Davidya I will head over and read it.
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