How Does Awakening Relate to Bipolar Disorder?
Written on March 28, 2008 by Tom Stine
A reader left the following comment the other day, and I thought I would write a longer reply. Here is Mark’s comment:
Tom, I’m in the midst of a bi-Polar manic episode.I can relate to your depiction of your experience’s at the retreat when Adya entered the room as being like a “10,000 watt light bulb in side my head” In my manic stage I’m like that my every waking moment. It’s quite a challenge to stay inside my own skin sometimes.With the help of my wife and a couple of good drs. and oh yeah some medications, I’m able to maintain a somewhat normal outward appearance.I’d be interested to here your take on this condition as it relates to an Awakening.
credit: Well, Mark, I’m going to stretch a bit out of my area of expertise, but I do have some training at a therapist and am passingly familiar with bi-polar disorder, so hopefully I will refrain from saying anything outrageously stupid or harmful (and do I really need to issue the ever present medical disclaimer that says anyone stupid enough to listen to me and not their doctor blah, blah, blah?). So, that said, here is my take on it.
In the end, all awakening is a realization that, in crude terms, “the lights are on but ain’t nobody home.” The fundamental truth is that there is no one called Mark or Tom or Eckhart Tolle or the Buddha or Richard Nixon for that matter. These are just names we give to physical forms walking and talking their way around the world.
Whenever anyone looks within and tries to find the person that they have assumed themselves to be their entire life, they always find nothing, no one, pure emptiness. Upon further investigation, this emptiness is discovered to be alive, aware, awake, conscious, full, rich, etc. But there isn’t a someone that is these things. Rather, we discover that the emptiness is awareness, awakeness, consciousness, etc. Moreover, to go even further, we find that not only is that which is within, but it is the truth of everything and everyone. No matter where you look, you see the same awakeness, the same consciousness.
How does this relate to bi-polar disorder? Well, bi-polar disorder, or anxiety disorder, or angry emotions, or whatever, is merely the story that resides on the surface of the above description of our true nature. You’ve experienced a host of symptoms (another word for which are experiences), you’ve seen many things happen to you and watched your body do many things, you’ve had thoughts that are at times “out of ordinary” (that’s a safe way to describe the manic episodes, don’t you think?), you’ve had a whole wide range of things occur.
But to use an often over used analogy, are these not simply the equivalent of the waves upon the ocean? Twenty feet below the surface, and for 5,000 feet down, the ocean is water, calm, deep water, very unlike the waves on top. So underneath the mania, or the depression, or the anger or fear or sadness, is the truth. And the truth is that these things are being experienced, but there is no one having the experience. And that is liberating. It is liberation.
As one of my favorite teachers, Adyashanti, likes to say, all the turmoil on the surface is our way into the depths. The way out is through. While it might be extremely difficult to do, being able to sit and experience the overwhelming feelings can be tremendously helpful. And on top of that, add some inquiry. Ask yourself what story are you telling yourself about the manic episode? What are you believing? And let those beliefs come-up and sit with them. And then ask who is it that is experiencing this manic episode? Look for this person, this “me” that you think you are. Or, maybe if the energy is flowing strongly, do this while walking to help burn the energy off. But you can use the mania to go deeper. And when the cycle turns, you can use the depression, too.
Let me also add that, with regard to my analogy of the 10,000 watt bulb coming on inside of me in Adyashanti’s presence, the experience was not in anyway one of feeling blown out from too much energy. I believe that is the experience during the manic episode Mark described. No, I felt suffused by energy, very alive, and there was a strong experience of light inside of me, very bright light, but I felt really grounded, centered, still and at peace. I could have sat lit up like that for hours. I don’t think it bore much resemblance to mania, although I could be wrong.
I can’t help but close with some lyrics of Jimi Hendrix that for some inexplicable reason are often running through my mind:
Music sweet music,
I wish I could caress, caress, caress.
Manic Depression’s a frustrating mess.
That’s how all of life can seem at times. Until we go below the surface that is.
on March 29th, 2008 at 3:09 am
Thank you Tom. That brings some clarity for me.
on March 29th, 2008 at 3:26 am
Hi Mark,
I’d like to hear what it is you find unsatisfactory about your mania. Not liking feeling depressed I understand very well. But do you find the mania unsatisfactory also?
on March 29th, 2008 at 3:43 am
No not at all Evan. Just the opposite. I find the mania exciting, interesting, mind expanding,and down right challenging. Having just been diagnosed with this. I am now looking forward to the challenge of the depression also. Does that seem weird to you? It does to me a little! I’ve had 3 or 4 episodes of this in my life, but I am finally able to put a name to the behavior. Thanks Tom for bringing this so out into the open by posting on it. Perhaps others will share their lives with us. I think statistically 1 in 70 of the population is blessed with this condition.
on March 29th, 2008 at 3:58 am
Hi Mark,
I think I understand where you are coming from.
I hope others do share their experiences. I find manic-depression extraordinarily interesting.
I am probably the opposite - am happiest just going along with a kind of ripple of joy “underneath” the everyday.
on March 30th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
Hey, you guys are having a nice chat, and I’m no where to be seen! Thanks for leaving the comments. I’m glad the article made some sense to you, Mark.
on March 30th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Tom, how do you escape from your blog for so long?
Maybe it’s because I’m so new. But my blog holds me hostage!Sometimes for hours. I really enjoy it though. It has become a big part of my day.Thanks for joining in.
on March 30th, 2008 at 6:02 pm
Ah, how do I escape? Well, I just get busy with other things. I do spend a lot of time with this blog, but ironically not as much as I could. There’s almost an infinite variety of things that can be done. But I also have clients to coach, a kid to take care, friends to talk to, you name it. A full life. And lots of time for sitting and meditating, which I’m going to do now.
on March 30th, 2008 at 10:09 pm
That’s a great sharing, Tom.
Just a humble suggestion for you. I think breaking the text into 4-5 lines per paragraph will help to reduce the eye fatigue while reading.
That’s my opinion.
Hope you don’t mind.
on March 31st, 2008 at 3:40 am
I invite everyone over to my blog for a conversation on this Bi-Polar disorder thing. I have just today “come out of the closet” if you will. Come on over and join in on our conversation I’m sure my family will chime in if they’re not to “busy” to read the post today.
on March 31st, 2008 at 12:45 pm
I have been closely involved with a person with bipolar disorder.
This is a brilliant discussion, Tom.
But the illness is hard to control unless medical intervention is used.
Then, and only then, will those so afflicted be able to even understand what your are saying. They are too fragmented with their extreme ups and downs.
With the highs, they will say, “Yes! Yes!I get what Tom is saying! He is so right!”
With the lows, they can barely function. Not even read or concentrate.
But you covered yourself well. You are not giving medical advice.
on March 31st, 2008 at 1:17 pm
@Corinne: I have known a few folks with bipolar, and you are right, they have seemed to need their medication to function well. I have no problem with medication, not in the slightest. I’m spiritual and alternatively inclined, for certain, and I look for alternatives to medication personally, but when I need antibiotics, I take them. When I had panic attacks years ago, I took zoloft. I resisted doing so, but wow, did it help! A few years later, and some Sedona Method, and the panic was gone for good, as were the pills. But I appreciate my very wise MD for suggesting I take a drug. Quite often, people need the little bit of stability that a medicine can give so that they can explore alternatives. Alternatives such as those that spirituality can offer.
on March 31st, 2008 at 1:55 pm
Tom,I take Risperdal 0.5 mg I was taking 1 at bedtime. It wasn’t quite doing it so I now take 1 in the Morning also. It seems to help. I’m not sure if I’ll have to add anything else to it or not. Corinne is right. Without the medications it would be impossible for me to function. I have no problem with taking medicines that work. It’s the things you take that don’t work and have side effects that bother me.
on March 31st, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Hey, Mark, thanks for chiming in. And I couldn’t agree more: medicines that work: fine. Medicines that don’t work: not so fine!
on April 3rd, 2008 at 10:41 pm
Hi Tom,
Very interesting article and discussion you have going here! What popped out for me was “The way out is through”….I learned that several years ago and it’s so true.
As far as the bi-polar disorder, this made me think of how many mental institutions house people who went a little beyond the edge of enlightenment, meaning that they aren’t “crazy” but are living in a different space. That’s what came to mind for me, hope that makes sense.
Keep on bringing forth the great articles!
JoLynn Braley’s last blog post..The Fit Shack Is a Year Old and Has a New Look!
on April 4th, 2008 at 2:27 am
JoLynn,That is so true when you say “The way out is through”. There is no express lane for this disorder. For as I wrote in a previous comment here and as I’ve discussed it some more on my blog.The ride into Mania is exhilarating like a roller coaster ride. Well hang on. Because Tom and Evan if your tuned in still. The ride down is here. It’s going to be interesting to see If I can survive the ride down with out hospitalization this time. Last time I couldn’t. I’m hoping that because of my ride last time that I can recognize the signs showing me where the hairpin curves are and I can brace myself enough to ride it out. We shall see. I hope the metaphor’s aren’t to abstract to understand. They make sense to me. But maybe it’s only the way I’m seeing it. I look for any body’s input. Thanks for being there. As always. I’m Justa saying!
Mark Krusen’s last blog post..Not Justa nother recession discussion!
on April 4th, 2008 at 2:28 am
Tom, It’s great you’ve plugged in “Commentluv” everybody can use a little “luv” don’t cha think?
Mark Krusen’s last blog post..Not Justa nother recession discussion!
on April 4th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
@JoLynn: You make perfect sense. I have read some research that as much as 25% of people diagnosed as schizophrenic may in fact have experienced some sort of “awakening” moment. As one spiritual teacher put it, if you were walking down the street, and out of the blue you realized that you were the mailbox, you and lots of other people might think you are “nuts.”
on April 5th, 2008 at 3:02 am
Tom, being a mailbox might not be such a terrible thing. That is unless a prankster dropped a fire cracker into the mail slot. Now that could be an interesting turn of events couldn’t it? :)It’s not necessary to be crazy to get through this life,but it does keep you on your toes!!
Mark’s last blog post..Justa wondering what happened Frank!
on May 5th, 2008 at 8:03 am
Tom,
I came across this by chance. You mentioned you have had panic attacks in the past. I to have had them and they were extreme. The medication like zoloft or similiar inhibitors actually made me feel worse! I completely freaked out when they had me try all kinds of those medications. The only thing that kinda calmed me, but did not actually work either(the thought process was still there) was tranqs. The only thing after 10 years of increasing panic that started to chip and dissolve this was taking up spiritual practice(meditation, thought watching, breath awareness etc). From there, at one point or another one realizes the mind for what it is and thoughts begin to lose power as you stop reacting to them.. The mind is certainly not me. This is a very freeing step.
I have not had a panic attack in 3 years now. They used to be almost daily.
on May 5th, 2008 at 8:11 am
@Robert Welcome! Glad to have you here. Your story parallels mine. I remember the last time I had a panic attack. I woke-up, deep in misery, panicked. And a thought crossed my mind: go deeper. Actually try to increase the panic. Go to the depths of the panic. This was, of course, after years of meditation, releasing work, etc. And so, I met my panic, I accepted it fully by diving into it. And it broke. For about 6 months after that, I experienced some anxiety at times, even intense, but never panic. The panic attacks were gone. And now the anxiety is a rare event, almost like it is happening to someone other than me. Thanks for the comment.
on July 1st, 2008 at 9:02 am
First time contributor so just let me say WOW! Wow to this subject in the context of awakening and wow to the entire body of your blog Tom. My wife is bipolar and I have had my battle with clinical depression. I will state the obvious Mark, which I’m sure you know so well; no emotional state can be sustained forever. It just feels like it. And knowing it intellectually was not always a help when I was in that black hole, but it didn’t hurt either.
I too took meds at first and they kept me in this meat thing called Eric. But feeling I was/am a spiritual being I knew I had to find a spiritual “cure”. But there is no cure is there? There is only “is”. Depression was/is part of my classroom and as such cannot and should not be judged good or bad. That realization was a long time comin’.
Tom, I find your observations and comments very helpful in my inquiry into reality. Thank you for doing what you do.
on July 5th, 2008 at 9:06 am
@Eric Glad you are joining in to the discussion. I apologize for the slow response, I’ve been out of town and traveling. It is truly amazing to me that you, me and everyone seems to discover the most miraculous thing: when we allow the “bad” thing in our life to fully happen, it then starts to resolve. Maybe not fully, maybe not the way we had wanted, but the shift happens and things change. This process of allowing things to be is exactly how I got of 3 decades of panic attacks. I’ll have to write about that experience sometime soon.
I’m very happy to have your comments, Eric, and I appreciate the compliments. I look forward to hearing from you again.
on July 7th, 2008 at 8:35 am
I love posts that discuss topics like this, because in my experience it is true. I was labeled, diagnosed, shaped, shifted and shoved in the mold of “bi-polar” for years. I had no understanding of myself, my thoughts, my beliefs and so I acted out the role and allowed the symptoms to infect every area of my life.
BUT they don’t anymore..and I believe they never will, like you mentioned I had to dive within and discover the “truth” about who I was to understand that I wasn’t any of those aspects that I believed had defined me for so long.
I re-worked and re-wired all the inner aspects of myself to learn to identify the real challenge, which was embracing who I was at the core of my being and learning that life and the experiences it brought, had to be those that resonated within me. When I learned to follow the internal map of my emotions, I was offered the opportunity to discover how I worked from within and re-wired my ideas, beliefs and thoughts in a way that resonated within me in a positive way…the symptoms disappeared and have not returned…..
Mighty Morgan’s last blog post..The Miracle
on December 2nd, 2008 at 10:06 pm
Some very interesting comments.Sorry i didnt stumble across them till now.I have noticed the spirituality in my life lately.I use intentions daily,or you could call it positive thinking,it seems to help me a lot.Also prayer.I have just started to get back into meditation.I had some neat experiences with it years ago.Good wishes to everyone!
on December 4th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
@Todd Thanks for your comments. Nice to have you around.
on December 10th, 2008 at 5:59 pm
Hi again Tom.I feel that some people who are bi-polar,have a shortcut to the reason we are here.Call it enlightenment or conciousness.From my own experiences this is what i feel.My mania has been controlled fairly well.Sometimes i feel people react to me a little differently.I know i have to be carefull because i have read into things to much in the past.I just feel like i am more of a spiritual being now.I think this has something to do with the black depressions i suffered and the high manias i dealt with.What do you think?
on December 10th, 2008 at 7:19 pm
@Todd We can learn a lot from our suffering. You can look deeply into your experience and see God smiling back. Suffering doesn’t make one better or more noble or more spiritual, but the seeing through the suffering can show us a lot. Peace!
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