Written on February 21, 2009 by Tom Stine
You can’t always get what you want
You can’t always get what you want
You can’t always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You get what you need
Just like you, I sang those lyrics on more than one drunken (and sober) evening. They are compelling and seem to reflect almost everyone’s experience. You can’t always get what you want.
But is that true? On more than one occasion, I’ve run across a spiritual teacher or guru saying something completely opposite to this bit of Rolling Stone wisdom. Something along these lines:
“Everything that happens to you is exactly what you want. But only in retrospect, after one has experienced some sense of awakening, do you actually see that this is true.”
In a certain sense, I had suspected on some level that it is true. But last night, for the first time, I knew it to be true. When it hit me, I was floored. “I’ll be damned,” I said. I won’t go into the details, but it was something that I swore I wanted, something I thought I knew that I wanted, without any question. And when I finally saw the truth, when clarity dawned, I knew that the reason that this thing was NOT in my life was because I didn’t want it. I was shocked, but I knew it was true.
And then I saw it: yep, everything in my life is exactly as I want it to be. If you could dissect the entire energetic pattern of Tom Stine, probing through every piece of mental and emotional “stuff,” you would find that the sum total of my life is a 100% direct reflection of that mental and emotional stuff. Amazing, really.
Now, I know for certain that many, if not most of you, will object to this assertion. You are already forming counter arguments about concentration camp victims, earthquakes and other natural disasters, child abuse, etc. The mind immediately wants to protest and lash out and say, “No way, impossible!” Well, I don’t blame it, because to see the truth of this is kind of devastating to the mind and its arguments. I wish I could give it something comforting, and some good answers, but I can’t.
I’ll leave you, though, with something to consider before you get too bent out of shape. And it is this: if it is true that your life is an exact reflection of your desires, and everything is exactly what you want, then investigate the following questions:
1. Who is it that is doing the desiring?
2. What gave rise to the desires in the first place? From whence did they come?
Find the answers to these 2 questions, and you will laugh the next time you hear the Stones singing, “You Can’t Always Get What You Want.”
Namaste.
Written on December 14, 2008 by Tom Stine
For most of us, a part of the journey of awakening will involve a process of letting go of layer after layer after layer. You sit, you see through something, you feel this tremendous release, and your mind says, “Wow, I’ve really seen through this thing. I’m getting pretty free.” But are you free? How can you tell if you are or aren’t?
A friend of mind just help me to see how you can tell whether you are free on a subject or not. It’s so simple, I really can’t believe I missed it. Ready? Here is it:
If you still give a hoot about it, then you aren’t free. There is more to be seen through.
Let’s use an example. Let’s say you are madly in love with a woman. Not that that has ever happened to any of you, but let’s pretend, shall we? 
You sit, you look at the situation, you let go of your feelings about her, you look at your beliefs, you challenge yourself to see her from any and ever angle. You reach an incredible place of clarity, peace and love. You feel incredible joy and love for this person. You find that, amazingly, you feel more love than you could have possibly imagined regardless of what happens between you. Your heart is wide open, and you feel better than you’ve felt in years. Yes, you’ve really opened and experienced great peace, joy and love.
All done, right? You’re free right? You might be. How can you be certain. Simple. Do your thoughts go to this person frequently? Do you still find yourself “drawn” to her? Do you find that you can’t get away from your thoughts about her? Ah, well, congratulations, you’ve discovered another layer. Time to sit down in your chair, open your heart, and be open and present with all the thoughts and feelings that arise within you. Round 2 or 8 or 20 has just arrived.
The layers will arise, one after another, until you are done. There is no way to tell how many there are, or when they will be finished. But a simple thing to do is to be utterly grateful to each one and to their seeming source, the worldly object that appears to give rise to them. And when your mind is finally quiet, then you will know you are finally free. You won’t give a hoot. And you will be supremely happy.
Dedicated to my dear friend M. Namaste.
Written on August 6, 2008 by Tom Stine
I love the subject of past lives or reincarnation. I went to a “psychic” once who told me that I was one of Napoleon’s generals. I guess that explains why I love speaking French, eat French food and I’m 5 ft 6 in tall (can’t be taller than the Emperor!).
Yet even though I love the subject of past lives, I have to say that I don’t have much investment in the concept. I don’t find the subject particularly important to the spiritual journey. Moreover, I can’t even really say that I “believe” in them. Let me explain further.
Past Lives and Memories
The entire subject of past lives hinges upon one thing: memories. Many people remember the events of a life that, in the memory, occurred at some point in the past, sometimes even in a past unknown to modern history (like Atlantis). There have been some excellent books written on the subject, with some seemingly intriguing bits of evidence to indicate that indeed some people really can remember a past life.
But ask the following questions, especially if you can remember a past life: Was it your past life? Are you certain? Is there any way that you can ever know? Isn’t it just a memory, a thought, passing through your awareness? I find it equally compelling to explain a past life memory in this way:
Since consciousness is One, since that is the direct experience of someone who realizes the truth of their being, then that consciousness that is aware seemingly in them is also the same consciousness that is aware seemingly in everyone else and at every moment in time. The consciousness that is what I am is the consciousness that you are, that Jesus was, that Attila the Hun was, that Hammurabi was, that Louis XIV was. All the same. Remember, this Oneness of consciousness is the realization of awakening or enlightenment: everywhere you turn, same, same, same.
So, a past life memory would be simply the consciousness that seems to be Tom accessing the consciousness that seems to have been Genghis Khan (and no, I don’t have a memory like that, but it makes for a fun illustration!). It isn’t Tom’s memory. It’s just consciousness being One and recognizing aspects of form that used to be called Genghis. Get it? In a certain sense we could say that every past life is my past life. And also we could say none are.
Can Past Lives Help Us Realize the Truth?
It makes the whole subject of past life’s quite nebulous and vague and not all that useful to our journey. Sure they are fun, but what to do with it? Will it be of any real use to realizing the truth? Rather, they can become a source of spiritual pride (I was hanging out with Jesus!) and in fact be an barrier to learning the truth of who we are. We can get obsessed with who we might have been.
And if this is a possibility for past life memories, I think you can see why they won’t help us to understand what happens after the death of the body (as discussed in my last post). There may be a host of memories, whether they are mine or not, but do they really tell me what is going to happen when the body called Tom dies? No. At the absolute best, they could tell me about the death of the body of Attila or Genghis or Jesus. But Tom? No. So, you see why past lives don’t really do any good telling us what to expect after death.
Let me end on one of my favorite jokes about the afterlife to wrap-up these last few posts of death and reincarnation (if you are a bit too politically correct, you may want to pass-up this one):
A man dies and goes to Heaven where he is greeted by St. Peter. They begin a tour of the place, which turns out to be a gigantic building. As they walk, they come to many doors. At one door, St. Peter opens it, revealing a huge room filled with every food you could imagine and half naked women parading around. “Muslim Paradise” says St. Peter. At another door, the man is shown a large cathedral with many people on their knees praying. “Catholic saints,” says St. Peter. And on they walk, with St. Peter showing him room after room. After a bit, as they approach another door, St. Peter turns to the man and says, “Shhh…. Don’t say anything as we pass the next door.” After they pass, and have gone some distance, the man asks St. Peter why they had to be quiet. The response: “Oh, that was the Baptists. They think they’re the only ones here.”
And now you know what church my mother dragged me to when I was younger. Poor woman, she finally gave-up after 3 years of my annoying teenage protests. Ah, the Baptist Church and I were not meant to be, I’m afraid.
Written on July 13, 2008 by Tom Stine
I recently received an email from Ariel Bravy that I really enjoyed and couldn’t wait to answer. With his kind permission, I’m going to answer it here. Ready? I’m going to break the email down section by section and respond to each part. Here we go:
Hey Tom,
You seem to be a pretty spiritually advanced seeker as well and I was wondering
if I could bounce some ideas off of you. Perhaps you could help bring some
clarity to something I’m looking at…
I’m going to start off with one of the first things Ariel mentions, not because I’m nitpicky today, but because it is something that I feel should always be addressed. And that is the idea of “spiritual seeker.” While I’m grateful for the compliment I’m given, I also want to point out that letting go of the spiritual seeker is an important thing. We spend so much time seeking that we rarely find. So much of the spiritual journey requires that we stop, just stop, right where we are, and let what is be what it is. No seeking. No pursuing. Just stopping and looking at what we’ve already found.
None of which addresses Ariel’s email, but still, it is important to make this point over and over again as it relates ultimately to spiritual awakening.
Following the self-inquiry of Who am I?, I’m finding that there is no decision
maker. With that understood, how does decision making and free will operate?
You got it, Ariel. There is no decision maker. I know that will be a tough one for lots of people to accept, but that has been a central teaching of Buddhism, for example, from the beginning (and many other -isms for that matter). It just keeps getting brought to our awareness century after century. And yet, a careful looking within will always demonstrate this simple fact: there is no self. Self-inquiry is such a marvelous tool. Useful in more ways than just for spiritual awakening.
The way I see it now is that the ego is like an automated process that takes in
all data, memories, desires, experiences, and so on in order to calculate the
most likely choice which will lead to egoic satisfaction and pleasure.
Ariel, you are a lot more generous to the ego than I am. To be honest, I don’t know how the ego works. I simply know that thoughts arise, they pass through my awareness, and then they are gone. The vast majority of them have virtually no useful purpose as they simply are commentary on my experiences.
You know, I love what Eckhart Tolle said about the ego: “It is no more than … identification with form, which primarily means thought forms.” In other words, the ego is simply a thought about who I am, what I am, a placing of my identity in things and thoughts. If that is true, which I submit it is, then giving the ego any attributes or characteristics doesn’t quite work for me. I prefer to see it for what it is, a chaotic, conditioned collection of mostly subconscious thoughts, and then always look beyond it, realizing it is nothing more than the “noise in my head.”
The higher self, on the other hand, doesn’t really make decisions either. It
simply knows the “best” path to walk to head towards the highest truths. It’s a
knowingness, not a decision, per se.
Okay, to be honest, and again this idea won’t be palatable to some, I don’t believe in a higher self. I go with Ramana Maharshi on this one: there is only Self. Period. Who is looking out of my eyes right now? Who is typing these words? Who is thinking my thoughts? Who am I? Self. One Self. Undivided. One with everything and everyone. Self. One without a second as Ramana used to say.
Now, that Self can appear to be unconscious as it expresses itself as Tom Stine, Ariel, Madonna or George Bush, but it is still the same Self, One, whole. I know that this seems contradictory, but my experience would say that it is true. Always One Self. Spirit. Life. God.
And this, my friends, points to what spiritual awakening is all about. It is awakening from the delusion that I am a separate self, an ego, a Tom Stine that is a body in this world. That is the sum and substance of all of spirituality right there: awakening from the dream called “me.”
Let me go further with Ariel’s email before I discuss further the points he makes above.
The ego may consider listening to the higher self if it is understood that by
following this process, one could reach the bliss, joy, freedom, and security
associated with enlightenment, again using practices such as releasing or
surrender for its own egoic desires.
Again, given what the ego is, a collection of conditioned thoughts filled with misplaced identity, I don’t think the ego “listens” to anything. It just reacts. It is a gigantic reaction to what is being experienced.
The Self that I am, that which you are, the One, is simply being deluded in a sense by placing attention on these condition thoughts. What we are is temporarily lost in thought you could say. Lost in a dream of judgments and reactions.
So there is no decision maker making decisions. There is a higher self as well
as a false mentally projected self who has the thoughts and emotions of the
mind attached to it.
Who is ultimately the decider of how we use our free will? Who decides if we
listen to our egos or our higher selves?
Any ideas?
Now we come to the heart of Ariel’s email. Who decides, then, how to use our free will? Who decides? Well, first of all, I have no free will. You have no free will. It isn’t that free will doesn’t exist. It is just that “I” don’t exist and “you” don’t exist. There is no separate self. There is no one here. If you do inquiry, and look within, and discover there is no decider, there is also no self. No one home. In Buddhism it is called the Doctrine of No Self.
So who decides? The Self, which is synonymous with Life, the Universe, God, Spirit, Buddha Nature, whatever you want to call it. The entire totality of Life, that is what makes the decisions. The fundamental ground of being, that’s the decider.
But even calling it decision making is missing the mark somehow. It isn’t really decision. Life simply flows. It arises from itself. It gives forth. It loves. It experiences. I think you could really say “It Operates,” but that doesn’t seem poetic enough. It simply IS.
But then, is there free will? Well, not in any human sense can it be said there is free will. But does the Self have free will? Does Life have free will? I think the question to ask would be “free of what?” Life is all there is. From what is it free to make decisions? It IS all decision making. There is nothing outside of it. It not only makes the rules, it IS the rules!
Answering your email, Ariel, was fun, and I’m deeply grateful for not only the questions but allowing me to answer them publicly. I hope all the above is clear to you and to everyone. And I hope I answered your questions! If not, hit the comments and let me know. I would love to hear from everyone. I always enjoy answering more questions. Namaste my friends.
Written on April 2, 2008 by Tom Stine
With this video, I wanted to discuss a topic that seems to be important to a lot of spiritually oriented folks, namely money. I know I’ve had my share of issues with it, my clients seem to have issues with it, and, well, so does Wall Street, Main Street, Elm Street and every other “street” in the world. No matter where you turn, money is a hot topic.
But is there anything wrong with mixing spirituality and money? After lots of looking at this issue from various angles, I must say that the answer has to be no. Money is just money. It is a medium of exchange, a way for you and me to exchange our labors for what we need. It keeps me from having to grow wheat, pump oil and raise cattle just to eat and drive a car. Simple, effective system.
So why all the fuss? Well, for centuries, various churches and spiritual systems have given money a bad rap. The image of the poor priest and the Buddhist monk come to mind. Moreover, we all know a number of people with some serious money hang-ups, both in terms of poverty and in terms of greed. The image of Ebenezer Scrooge is one we all know. Or Donald Trump. Or a whole host of wealthy people we could name.
It seems to me that all of this distaste for money by spirituality probably has more to do with our attachment to money and wealth than anything else. There’s that word attachment, which seems to come up frequently in spiritual discussions. We grasp, we grab, we try to hold onto things, and we end-up suffering as a consequence. And that certainly is true with regard to money.
In my next video post, I will get into the discussion of spirituality and money more deeply. I hope to make as series of video posts on the topic.
So how do you feel about spirituality and money? Leave some comments and discuss.
Written on March 28, 2008 by Tom Stine
A reader left the following comment the other day, and I thought I would write a longer reply. Here is Mark’s comment:
Tom, I’m in the midst of a bi-Polar manic episode.I can relate to your depiction of your experience’s at the retreat when Adya entered the room as being like a “10,000 watt light bulb in side my head” In my manic stage I’m like that my every waking moment. It’s quite a challenge to stay inside my own skin sometimes.With the help of my wife and a couple of good drs. and oh yeah some medications, I’m able to maintain a somewhat normal outward appearance.I’d be interested to here your take on this condition as it relates to an Awakening.
Well, Mark, I’m going to stretch a bit out of my area of expertise, but I do have some training at a therapist and am passingly familiar with bi-polar disorder, so hopefully I will refrain from saying anything outrageously stupid or harmful (and do I really need to issue the ever present medical disclaimer that says anyone stupid enough to listen to me and not their doctor blah, blah, blah?). So, that said, here is my take on it.
In the end, all awakening is a realization that, in crude terms, “the lights are on but ain’t nobody home.” The fundamental truth is that there is no one called Mark or Tom or Eckhart Tolle or the Buddha or Richard Nixon for that matter. These are just names we give to physical forms walking and talking their way around the world.
Whenever anyone looks within and tries to find the person that they have assumed themselves to be their entire life, they always find nothing, no one, pure emptiness. Upon further investigation, this emptiness is discovered to be alive, aware, awake, conscious, full, rich, etc. But there isn’t a someone that is these things. Rather, we discover that the emptiness is awareness, awakeness, consciousness, etc. Moreover, to go even further, we find that not only is that which is within, but it is the truth of everything and everyone. No matter where you look, you see the same awakeness, the same consciousness.
The fundamental truth is that there is no one called Mark or Tom or Eckhart Tolle or the Buddha or Richard Nixon for that matter. These are just names we give to physical forms walking and talking their way around the world.
How does this relate to bi-polar disorder? Well, bi-polar disorder, or anxiety disorder, or angry emotions, or whatever, is merely the story that resides on the surface of the above description of our true nature. You’ve experienced a host of symptoms (another word for which are experiences), you’ve seen many things happen to you and watched your body do many things, you’ve had thoughts that are at times “out of ordinary” (that’s a safe way to describe the manic episodes, don’t you think?), you’ve had a whole wide range of things occur.
But to use an often over used analogy, are these not simply the equivalent of the waves upon the ocean? Twenty feet below the surface, and for 5,000 feet down, the ocean is water, calm, deep water, very unlike the waves on top. So underneath the mania, or the depression, or the anger or fear or sadness, is the truth. And the truth is that these things are being experienced, but there is no one having the experience. And that is liberating. It is liberation.
As one of my favorite teachers, Adyashanti, likes to say, all the turmoil on the surface is our way into the depths. The way out is through. While it might be extremely difficult to do, being able to sit and experience the overwhelming feelings can be tremendously helpful. And on top of that, add some inquiry. Ask yourself what story are you telling yourself about the manic episode? What are you believing? And let those beliefs come-up and sit with them. And then ask who is it that is experiencing this manic episode? Look for this person, this “me” that you think you are. Or, maybe if the energy is flowing strongly, do this while walking to help burn the energy off. But you can use the mania to go deeper. And when the cycle turns, you can use the depression, too.
Let me also add that, with regard to my analogy of the 10,000 watt bulb coming on inside of me in Adyashanti’s presence, the experience was not in anyway one of feeling blown out from too much energy. I believe that is the experience during the manic episode Mark described. No, I felt suffused by energy, very alive, and there was a strong experience of light inside of me, very bright light, but I felt really grounded, centered, still and at peace. I could have sat lit up like that for hours. I don’t think it bore much resemblance to mania, although I could be wrong.
I can’t help but close with some lyrics of Jimi Hendrix that for some inexplicable reason are often running through my mind:
Music sweet music,
I wish I could caress, caress, caress.
Manic Depression’s a frustrating mess.
That’s how all of life can seem at times. Until we go below the surface that is.
Written on March 24, 2008 by Tom Stine
While mine is a blog devoted to discussing spirituality, consciousness and awakening, today marks a moment in time when I feel I cannot keep silent any longer. I feel that I must stand up and be counted. And today I choose to be counted as a lover of peace amongst men. It is time to bring the troops home. It is time to end the War in Iraq (and Afghanistan). And for that matter, let’s bring home all U.S. service men and women from the 100+ countries they serve in around the world.
I’m speaking out today because the number of soldiers killed reached 4,000 in Iraq. While in Vietnam terms this number may not seem “excessive,” the fact that one person lost his or her life in an unnecessary war is reprehensible. And the only reason that this number is not massively higher is that we have developed body armor and amazing medical care to save soldiers’ lives. One estimate puts the number of wounded in Iraq at close to 100,000. The number of veterans needing psychological help due to the trauma of the conflict is well over 100,000. Add to that the estimated 1,000,000 Iraqis who are dead from this conflict and you have a tragedy of epic proportions.
For all the news you care to have about war, head over to my favorite antiwar site, Antiwar.com. Spend a few minutes being appalled.
Add your voice to mine. Post to your blog today. Send emails to your friends. Send love to everyone involved in this horror. Even send some love to W and Dick, John and Hillary and Condi and all the boys and girls who love a good Mideast War. (Sorry, that wasn’t very loving of me, was it?)
As you read on the Internet today, make a point of Stumbling and Digging as many antiwar stories and posts as you can. And not just mine.
