Desires, Part 1: The Agony of Lack

Written on March 17, 2008 by Tom Stine / Leave a comment;

Recently, two readers left some comments on my article Sedona Method Coaching concerning the subject of desire. I’m writing a long response to their comments, but while putting together my thoughts, I remembered an article I had written a year ago for my old blog. I think much of what I wrote fits with my thinking today, so I wanted to re-print it here. Enjoy!

Wanting hurts. I really don’t know of any other way to describe it. As time has passed, and as I have journeyed down the road of getting more in touch with my feelings, releasing them, and experiencing the tastes of inner joy, I have become more acutely aware of desire, of wanting. I don’t think the desires and wants have grown stronger; rather, I have become more attuned to how they feel. They are beginning to feel like a thorn that is sticking in my hand, always promising that if I will simply pay attention carefully, I might be able to see the rose to which the thorn is attached.

Lester Levenson, the creator of The Sedona Method, described a desire as “a disturbance of one’s natural, inherent inner peace.” I can relate to that. The thorn is an on again, off again irritant, one that disturbs my peace of mind. When I want something, there is a feeling of tension in my chest, a feeling of anxiousness in my body. I feel as if I must get-up now and do something about it. Ever get a craving for chocolate? Then you know exactly what I mean. That is the feeling.

But is there a rose attached to the thorn? In other words, does the attainment of what I desire ever really satisfy? If I get the object of my desire, do I experience peace? My experience is both yes and no. Let me use an example. Sometimes after dinner, like most of us, I will feel a craving, a desire for something sweet. My stomach can be mostly full from even the best of meals, and yet there is that craving, that gnawing desire to have something sweet. It is almost as if my taste buds are on fire. And so, I will occasionally order the dessert, or get out the chocolate (70% dark, organic, thank you!), or even attack the cinnamon graham crackers.

In the moment of satisfying the desire, I will feel a certain sense of satisfaction. My taste buds will calm down, the pleasure centers of brain will be humming along happily. There is a certain dark satisfaction even in having given in to my body’s command. And so, for a moment, all is well. Yet, even as I am eating, I am aware of something tickling the back of my mind. Something saying to me that somehow, some way, the chocolate or the dessert isn’t really satisfying me.

This feeling has been growing lately. This doubt that getting the object of my desire will result in my happiness is getting stronger. For, as you have experienced, too, within minutes, if not hours, of attaining this coveted thing, I find that I am right back where I was. Still wanting something. Still feeling a lack. Lester would describe my situation as follows: “As long as we desire, we lack, and are trapped in the world of limitation. Desire is the great enemy of constant joy.” Yes, that is how I so often feel.

So, what to do? It appears to be difficult to drop all desire, just like that, and yet the prospect of suppressing desires seems worse than the desires themselves. Denial is just another form of pain and suffering. In my experience, I think Lester has the right approach: “Enjoying with attachment is enjoying with pain and longing, a hunger. Enjoying without attachment is enjoying freely and creating no bondage.” Enjoying without attachment, to me, would seem to mean releasing the attachment, releasing the desire, releasing that feeling of lack that creates the sense of pain. And then after the lack is released, we can move forward in action and simply do while enjoying. By releasing and then allowing action to simply happen, we are moving in the direction of allowing our true pleasure, our true nature to shine forth as the bliss that we are and can experience.

There is an easy Sedona Method exercise for helping with this process. All you have to do is get in touch with whatever it is you desire, and allow yourself to feel the lack, the craving, the wanting. Then, ask yourself whether that is coming from wanting approval, control, security, separation or oneness. Release whichever want comes up. And then, ask yourself if you could allow for the possibility of having as opposed to wanting. Could you allow yourself to be free of the desire and simply have whatever you are to have? This exercise is very freeing, and quickly calms the agony of lack.

No matter what the desire, whether it is for money, a new car, more and better sex, a healthy body, or a great relationship, moving out of this space of lacking into the space of having, or better yet allowing yourself to have creates a tremendous amount of freedom. This simple technique can be used in the moment with a craving, or it can be used for more long-standing desires such as a relationship. Doing this process brings you to right here, right now, where you are already whole and complete, and where you need nothing. And this place of having is a much better place to be in than being in the throes of the agony of lack.

For in the end, all desire, no matter what flavor it takes, whether for desserts, sex, money, relationships, health, you name it, is always a desire for the Infinite. A desire for that state of inner peace and joy that transcends all experience. Only that will ever bring the joy and happiness that we seek. The real Self, the inner Truth of me, will bring the all that we seek and never find in the world. As Sri Ramana Maharshi said, “To be the Self that you really are is the only means to realise the bliss that is ever yours.” Yes, turning within seems to be the only answer. Releasing the lack, releasing the wanting, and simply resting in the joy from within and allowing the experience of having whatever we have seems to be the only way to fully live and yet remain free.

Please check back later in the week for Part 2 on Desire.

And You Live Where?

Written on February 14, 2008 by Tom Stine / 19 Comments »

Every time I travel, I usually meet people from many parts of the U.S. and the world. The conversation moves around the usual topics, and invariably includes the question, “Where are you from?” In response, I usually pause, take a deep breath, and respond, “Springfield, Missouri.” If the person I speaking with is from the U.S., they usually seem to know where Missouri is located, although you can see from the look in their eyes that they have never been there (and have no plans for visiting). If they are from other parts of the wide, wide world, their eyes actually glaze-over as they contemplate their mental map of the world and discover that something called “Missouri” doesn’t exist on it. And everyone always asks the question that I know is coming, the one that caused me to take a deep breath: “So, what’s it like living there?”

What’s it like? I’ve given as many different answers as the number of people I have met. What’s it like? Well…. As I write this entry, I’m sitting in a local coffee place called Kaldi’s, a Starbucks with food and free WiFi, and a few moments ago I saw the headline of the sports page of the local paper. The headline spoke volumes about “what’s it like” to live in Springfield, Missouri. The headline read:

“Central Bible College Defeats Baptist Bible College”

Yes, the biggest sporting news in Springfield was the defeat of the Baptist Bible students by the Assemblies of God Bible students in a basketball game last night. Speaks volumes, doesn’t it? And, in reading that one headline, a few issues came rising to the surface that twisted my gut and gave me something to release upon.

For years, I have defended, justified and explained to myself and others why I live here. I have worked diligently to be satisfied with living in Springfield, and at times I have even pretended that I was happy living here. But the truth of the matter is that I am not. My gut got twisted from reading the headline of the sports page because, truth be told, I really hate living in Springfield, Missouri. Sitting here at Kaldi’s, I’m experiencing much sadness and anger that I live here. I want to do something about this situation, work a goal, plan my escape, do anything to end my sentence here in my self-made prison (ironically, Springfield is home to a federal prison/medical center, the home of sick mobsters and other big-time federal felons).

If I asked Hale Dwoskin, the principal instructor of The Sedona Method, about this issue, he would surely say to me, “Who is it that hates living in Springfield?” I pause a moment and let this sentence sink into my mind. And then, it slips past my thoughts, and I feel the release. My heart and mind become lighter. Whenever I get a good release, I usually experience a “brightness” in my awareness, almost like someone has turned on the light in my mind’s eye. The light came on just now.

Let’s go further: “Who is it that thinks living someplace else would be better?” Again I pause, and again the light comes on. The answer, of course, is no one. There is only the experience of being at Kaldi’s, typing these words on my Mac, watching the manager, Dan, do his thing as he moves around the place. I suddenly feel connected to Dan, who always says hi to me every time I come in. The gaggle of soccer moms doing there thing a few tables away seem exceptionally lovely today. Of course, they all spent hours making themselves look that way, but I digress. (Yes, more releasing needed, I know.)

I’m amazed that simple questions like “Who is it that hates living in Springfield?” can clear so much space inside so quickly. The releases are good when using this 5th Way approach (the Sedona Method term for spiritual inquiry). I feel so much less like I need to do something, and far more like I could do something if doing is what happens next. I feel freer to act.

Coaching with the Sedona Method

Written on February 13, 2008 by Tom Stine / 5 Comments »

Live a Life Free from Limitation

The Sedona Method is a unique, simple, powerful, easy-to-learn technique that shows you how to uncover your natural ability to let go of any painful or unwanted feeling in the moment. As you let go of painful and unwanted feelings, you will experience a clearer mind, more positive thoughts and greater creativity. The Sedona Method thus becomes the key that unlocks a life of greater ease, greater success, and overall happiness and joy.

What Makes Coaching with the Sedona Method Special?

If you look at most of the coaching world, you will find a wide variety of approaches. Most coaching has, at its very core, an attitude of action. There is a fundamental attitude that pervades our world that says if only we would DO something different then our lives would improve. But what if action wasn’t the answer? What if action is simply the natural result of our feelings and our thoughts? What if the place to experience true, lasting change was inside of us, not outside?

That’s what makes Coaching with the Sedona Method special. It turns the attention where the attention belongs: the person inside. Working with The Sedona Method is an inside-out process, because for lasting change to occur, the inside must change first. We start with the cause, and the actions that lead to changes in the external world follow naturally.

Using a Coach

Whether you are new to The Sedona Method or a long-time user, a coach can give you the assistance you need to go further than you ever thought possible. For long-time users, you will work with someone who speaks your language, who knows your process, who understands why you use The Sedona Method: because it works! Unlike a releasing partner, a coach will focus exclusively on you, putting all his energy into assisting you with releasing whatever issues are arising for you and with achieving all the goals you have chosen to get.

For the relative newcomer to The Sedona Method, a coach will help you to understand how The Method works and how to apply it to your life. A coach learns early on from working with The Sedona Method that everyone can release, and much more easily than they would have believed. And, as everyone who has used The Method has discovered, the benefits of releasing are virtually limitless. Everyone can enjoy:

• Freedom from financial difficulties.
• Better relationships with partners, children, friends and co-workers.
• Greater joy, peace and ease of living.
• Easing of health issues.
• Freedom from stress and fear.
• Freedom from negative habits.
• Emotional well-being and happiness.
• Deep fulfillment in living every day.

These are just a few of the benefits that can be yours from working with a a coach who works with the Sedona Method.

If you want to experience the benefits of Coaching for the Sedona Method, contact Tom to discuss how you can benefit personally.