Desire, Part 2: Is Desire a Bad Thing?

Written on March 20, 2008 by Tom Stine

credit: digiart2001

In my last article, Desire, Part 1: The Agony of Lack, I discussed how desire often creates agony, primarily because, as I saw it at the time I originally wrote that article a year ago, desire comes from a place of feeling empty, of lacking, of feeling an emptiness that we want to fill. I would like to go much further in this article, and I will begin with a reader’s comment that got the ball rolling on the subject of desire. It sparked a mini-debate that spurred me into thinking more about it.

So, let me begin with my reader’s comment:

I notice that the Sedona Method, in its sidebar ad, promises that you will “have all that you desire” if you follow it.

I’d like to call your attention to a posting I got this morning from Tricycle’s Daily Dharma: “When we contemplate suffering, we find we are contemplating desire, because suffering and desire are the same thing.” So, in Buddhist teaching, this “coaching” will increase suffering.

Any remarks?

What Is a Desire?

First, let’s look at what desire is. A desire is a feeling. Although in spiritual discussions it seems to be a much more potent force, when you boil it down to its essence, it is merely an experience of thought or belief in the body, and in every day language, that is a feeling. It is a feeling no different from fear, anger or sadness. It is the sensations that we experience in our bodies that gives all feelings their power. They aren’t merely thoughts that run through our minds but strong sensations running through or chest, gut, arms, legs, back and other body parts.

So, given that a desire is a feeling, it is therefore an experience that we have. In and of itself, a desire is really no big deal. Just like fear or anger or sadness is really no big deal as long as it is simply an experience. Think about it: have you ever been at a movie, one where you’ve really gotten into the story, and then something happens to a character and you strongly feel something? The main character gets dumped by her boyfriend, or finds his long-lost love, and a huge up-welling of feeling arises, such as sadness or joy. And there you are, crying, or smiling with joy, or scared silly, all because you are experiencing a reaction to the character on the screen.

For our discussion, this reaction is no big deal, has no real import at all, because it is just a feeling, and when the movie is over, the feeling ends. So, the bottom line is simply that experiencing a feeling is in and of itself no big deal. And therefore, the same should be true of a desire.

Desires Seem Big in Our Lives

But when you and I experience a feeling in every day life, or in specific the feeling called desire, the result is often a big deal. Not only do we experience the feeling or desire, but we become wrapped-up in it and start to suffer from it. Why? Because the feeling or desire isn’t connected with some make believe character on the screen, but instead is about you and me. It is personal. In effect, we have identified ourselves with the desire, we make it not only our own but literally us. It becomes a focus for who and what we are.

credit: Carol Mitchell

And it is this identification that is at the core of the problem of desire, the one the Buddha and Buddhists for centuries have been pointing toward. Identification is what the Buddhists mean by attachment to a desire or things. We attach and they become who we are. And this false identity, this belief in a separate self, is the cause of suffering. As a Buddhist teacher said, summarizing the Buddha’s teachings, “No self, no problem.”

I suspect that many Buddhists, including some important writers and teachers over the years, have missed this distinction. They have focused on the desires themselves and have attempted to do away with them. But desires can and do arise, at least in those of us who have not had the final realization. As a matter of fact, we have no more control over desires arising than we have over any other thought or feeling. We have no control at all. It becomes apparent, after spending any amount of time struggling with desires themselves, that it is pointless to try to suppress them.

Desires arise less and less the more we remove our identity from them. The state of freedom of desire is an end state, a by-product of awakening. It is not a path to awakening. When we suppress or deny the desires that arise, we give them strength because we are in effect declaring them real, important, meaningful. The far better approach is to let them arise, allow them their 15 minutes of fame in our consciousness, and then move on. They are simply feelings, and they will rise and fade if allowed to do so.

The Sedona Method and Desires

So how does this relate to The Sedona Method? The Sedona Method is a technique that at its core allows feelings to arise and then naturally release or be let go. It is a process that makes this natural flow conscious. And it works. It acknowledges that feelings are just feelings, that desires are just desires. In they come, out they go.

If a desire is persistent, if it sticks around, the Sedona Method offers techniques for working with those desires so that they are satisfied by changes in our outer circumstances. For instance, if a desire arises to earn more money, and after a bit of releasing work that desire still persists, then it can be worked with in a way that is honoring of our experience. Instead of fighting, we follow the lead of these persistent desires (assuming, of course, that they aren’t destructive to ourselves and others, but that is a whole other topic).

Let’s face it, we have no idea where our desires are ultimately arising from, so who are we to say that we should not honor ones that are persistent? Maybe they are the divine knocking at our door, helping us to see areas of our lives that we have been suppressing or hiding from.

I’ve read instances of people who experienced a dramatic realization of the truth only after they got out of their spiritual beliefs and honored their persistent longings and desires. Some have gone out and found a romantic partner, some left the monastery and got a job, and others started exercising or even, horror of horrors, started eating meat! They honored the feelings arising in them, gave that energy its due, and allowed themselves to act upon them. And the result was a complete harmony with the Truth of their being, an awakening.

Moreover, another result of working on desires with the Sedona Method is that they inevitably change over time. I will admit, when I first worked with the Method, and looked at my desires with regard to money, I was definitely in the “make a million dollars” camp. As time has gone on, I’ve seen through that desire to what lies underneath: a desire for security and safety, for freedom to do as I please in the world.

As I have worked with these desires, I’ve ended up finding the work I enjoy doing most in the world, I’ve become more productive and helpful, and I’ve benefitted financially. And more importantly, these desires have faded and given way to a great sense of peace and knowing that all is well.

Spirituality and Marketing

Okay, now that I’ve given what I hope is a reasonable answer to my reader’s question, I will share one final thought on the subject of The Sedona Method, as well as all spiritually oriented systems of personal growth. So, let’s talk about marketing.

Like many spiritual types, I have had my share of difficulties with marketing and spirituality. While I’m perfectly fine with shiny, hype filled ads for Coca-Cola, iPods and Porsches, I have in the past had a real problem with marketing of anything connected with spirituality. When I first encountered the Sedona Method, for instance, my first thought was “what utter bullshit!”

But something brought me back to it, and I eventually started using it, and as time went on, I was cured of my distaste. Sure, a cynic could point out that I was cured because I started making money from the Sedona Method, but in the beginning, that was definitely not the case. No, to be honest, I started making money from it after I let the distaste go. For just like everything else, I had developed a set of beliefs around spirituality, and feelings attached to those beliefs, that when honestly looked at and released, faded into the ether. I was reacting to nothing, and now I see no objection to saying, “The Sedona Method can help you financially, help you with your relationships, and help you have all that you desire.” Of course, I would say the same thing about Buddhism, believe it or not. Not very “Buddhist,” but true nonetheless.

I invite more comments on this topic. It is a good one, and I would be happy to read your thoughts and opinions.

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