Desire, Part 2: Is Desire a Bad Thing?
Written on March 20, 2008 by Tom Stine
credit: In my last article, Desire, Part 1: The Agony of Lack, I discussed how desire often creates agony, primarily because, as I saw it at the time I originally wrote that article a year ago, desire comes from a place of feeling empty, of lacking, of feeling an emptiness that we want to fill. I would like to go much further in this article, and I will begin with a reader’s comment that got the ball rolling on the subject of desire. It sparked a mini-debate that spurred me into thinking more about it.
So, let me begin with my reader’s comment:
I notice that the Sedona Method, in its sidebar ad, promises that you will “have all that you desire” if you follow it.
I’d like to call your attention to a posting I got this morning from Tricycle’s Daily Dharma: “When we contemplate suffering, we find we are contemplating desire, because suffering and desire are the same thing.” So, in Buddhist teaching, this “coaching” will increase suffering.
Any remarks?
What Is a Desire?
First, let’s look at what desire is. A desire is a feeling. Although in spiritual discussions it seems to be a much more potent force, when you boil it down to its essence, it is merely an experience of thought or belief in the body, and in every day language, that is a feeling. It is a feeling no different from fear, anger or sadness. It is the sensations that we experience in our bodies that gives all feelings their power. They aren’t merely thoughts that run through our minds but strong sensations running through or chest, gut, arms, legs, back and other body parts.
So, given that a desire is a feeling, it is therefore an experience that we have. In and of itself, a desire is really no big deal. Just like fear or anger or sadness is really no big deal as long as it is simply an experience. Think about it: have you ever been at a movie, one where you’ve really gotten into the story, and then something happens to a character and you strongly feel something? The main character gets dumped by her boyfriend, or finds his long-lost love, and a huge up-welling of feeling arises, such as sadness or joy. And there you are, crying, or smiling with joy, or scared silly, all because you are experiencing a reaction to the character on the screen.
For our discussion, this reaction is no big deal, has no real import at all, because it is just a feeling, and when the movie is over, the feeling ends. So, the bottom line is simply that experiencing a feeling is in and of itself no big deal. And therefore, the same should be true of a desire.
Desires Seem Big in Our Lives
But when you and I experience a feeling in every day life, or in specific the feeling called desire, the result is often a big deal. Not only do we experience the feeling or desire, but we become wrapped-up in it and start to suffer from it. Why? Because the feeling or desire isn’t connected with some make believe character on the screen, but instead is about you and me. It is personal. In effect, we have identified ourselves with the desire, we make it not only our own but literally us. It becomes a focus for who and what we are.
And it is this identification that is at the core of the problem of desire, the one the Buddha and Buddhists for centuries have been pointing toward. Identification is what the Buddhists mean by attachment to a desire or things. We attach and they become who we are. And this false identity, this belief in a separate self, is the cause of suffering. As a Buddhist teacher said, summarizing the Buddha’s teachings, “No self, no problem.”
I suspect that many Buddhists, including some important writers and teachers over the years, have missed this distinction. They have focused on the desires themselves and have attempted to do away with them. But desires can and do arise, at least in those of us who have not had the final realization. As a matter of fact, we have no more control over desires arising than we have over any other thought or feeling. We have no control at all. It becomes apparent, after spending any amount of time struggling with desires themselves, that it is pointless to try to suppress them.
Desires arise less and less the more we remove our identity from them. The state of freedom of desire is an end state, a by-product of awakening. It is not a path to awakening. When we suppress or deny the desires that arise, we give them strength because we are in effect declaring them real, important, meaningful. The far better approach is to let them arise, allow them their 15 minutes of fame in our consciousness, and then move on. They are simply feelings, and they will rise and fade if allowed to do so.
The Sedona Method and Desires
So how does this relate to The Sedona Method? The Sedona Method is a technique that at its core allows feelings to arise and then naturally release or be let go. It is a process that makes this natural flow conscious. And it works. It acknowledges that feelings are just feelings, that desires are just desires. In they come, out they go.
If a desire is persistent, if it sticks around, the Sedona Method offers techniques for working with those desires so that they are satisfied by changes in our outer circumstances. For instance, if a desire arises to earn more money, and after a bit of releasing work that desire still persists, then it can be worked with in a way that is honoring of our experience. Instead of fighting, we follow the lead of these persistent desires (assuming, of course, that they aren’t destructive to ourselves and others, but that is a whole other topic).
Let’s face it, we have no idea where our desires are ultimately arising from, so who are we to say that we should not honor ones that are persistent? Maybe they are the divine knocking at our door, helping us to see areas of our lives that we have been suppressing or hiding from.
I’ve read instances of people who experienced a dramatic realization of the truth only after they got out of their spiritual beliefs and honored their persistent longings and desires. Some have gone out and found a romantic partner, some left the monastery and got a job, and others started exercising or even, horror of horrors, started eating meat! They honored the feelings arising in them, gave that energy its due, and allowed themselves to act upon them. And the result was a complete harmony with the Truth of their being, an awakening.
Moreover, another result of working on desires with the Sedona Method is that they inevitably change over time. I will admit, when I first worked with the Method, and looked at my desires with regard to money, I was definitely in the “make a million dollars” camp. As time has gone on, I’ve seen through that desire to what lies underneath: a desire for security and safety, for freedom to do as I please in the world.
As I have worked with these desires, I’ve ended up finding the work I enjoy doing most in the world, I’ve become more productive and helpful, and I’ve benefitted financially. And more importantly, these desires have faded and given way to a great sense of peace and knowing that all is well.
Spirituality and Marketing
Okay, now that I’ve given what I hope is a reasonable answer to my reader’s question, I will share one final thought on the subject of The Sedona Method, as well as all spiritually oriented systems of personal growth. So, let’s talk about marketing.
Like many spiritual types, I have had my share of difficulties with marketing and spirituality. While I’m perfectly fine with shiny, hype filled ads for Coca-Cola, iPods and Porsches, I have in the past had a real problem with marketing of anything connected with spirituality. When I first encountered the Sedona Method, for instance, my first thought was “what utter bullshit!”
But something brought me back to it, and I eventually started using it, and as time went on, I was cured of my distaste. Sure, a cynic could point out that I was cured because I started making money from the Sedona Method, but in the beginning, that was definitely not the case. No, to be honest, I started making money from it after I let the distaste go. For just like everything else, I had developed a set of beliefs around spirituality, and feelings attached to those beliefs, that when honestly looked at and released, faded into the ether. I was reacting to nothing, and now I see no objection to saying, “The Sedona Method can help you financially, help you with your relationships, and help you have all that you desire.” Of course, I would say the same thing about Buddhism, believe it or not. Not very “Buddhist,” but true nonetheless.
I invite more comments on this topic. It is a good one, and I would be happy to read your thoughts and opinions.
on March 21st, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Tom,
Interesting article! I’ve always wanted to study Buddhism. I often find great wisdom in the small amounts I know about it.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with making a living from a product, even if it’s about spirituality and enlightenment. When selling is done with integrity and with a customer-centered focus, it’s fine, and I think you do that very well. You have an offering, you explain it’s benefits, and it’s up to the customer to decide to take out their money and spend it.
It’s their choice, and they need to realize that. They could also hop on the internet and go to the public library to study Buddhism or Taoism or any other spiritual material for free. They could sign up for a class at a local college, too, and they would have to pay tuition for the class and pay for the textbook(s). Or they could go to the bookstore and buy books on the subject. It’s their choice.
They also have to realize they will get out of it what they choose to put into it. Put little into a spiritual journey and you won’t get very far no matter how much you did or did not spend on material to learn about it.
And I believe you’re right. When you let any emotion take you over, it will rule your life because you let it. Desire, hatred, pain, anger; it doesn’t matter if you hold onto feelings that should be let go. Instead of spirituality and enlightenment, many choose psychotherapy to deal with the issues about their feelings, which also isn’t free the last time I saw my therapist. And I don’t mind paying one bit for the time of someone who is helping me move on.
So why should charging for the Sedona Method be any different? You add value to people’s lives and that’s what counts.
Sherri
on March 21st, 2008 at 3:49 pm
@Sherri- You know what I love most about blogging? When my fellow bloggers jump-in with their thoughts and ideas and opinions. It is really cool how you gave voice too much of the unsaid thoughts I have about these things. Or rather, what I did say this morning on Michelle Vandepas’ radio show. Would it be silly to just say, “ditto, Sherri, ditto.”
One thing I’ve always found intriguing about spirituality is the denial of so much that is simply human. As one of my favorite spiritual teachers likes to say, the only thing that says that money and spirituality don’t mix is a belief. If we pay careful attention to the Buddha’s words, to Jesus’ words, and to a host of others, we see over and over again that it is attachment to things, to beliefs, to desires, to money, that cause us problems. Over and over again the same message. Ah, well, I will save any further comments for later.
on March 21st, 2008 at 4:57 pm
Now for the real comment.
I only recently came to resolution of my spitituality and marketing. It is: I am delighted to make money from making friends and offering excellent value.
Regarding desire and suffering. They may be inseparable but they are not the same. My breathing and oxygen are inseparable but oxygen is not my breathing.
As you say I think it is attachment not desire that is the problem. It may be better to speak of greed than desire.
There was someone recent who seems to have conquered desire. Krishnamurti. His cook wrote a book called something like 10,000 Lunches with Krishnamurti. However, he still ate in a way to be healthy. Was this attachment. Well, not in the same way as the attachment that leads us to gorge on chocolate or alcohol I don’t think.
I see non-attachment as serving compassion and life. Non-attachment is the raft in the Buddhist metaphor.
Thanks for a very well written post on a very important topic.
on March 21st, 2008 at 5:16 pm
@Evan I like that: “It is a delight to make money from making friends and offering excellent value.” Well said. Why shouldn’t making money be a delight? Or spending money, or giving it to charity, or losing money, or…..? As long as we are not attached, money is just a medium of exchange flowing in and flowing out. Nothing more or less. It just keeps me from having to grow wheat so I can eat bread.
Non-attachment is the way. Thanks for the comment!
on April 17th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
Tom,
What is my desire ? Let me think. It is to have my great friend Tom Stine visit my poor site and bless it with words of wisdom. I am on fire now
Shilpan
Shilpan | successsoul.com’s last blog post..5 Ways to Identify Whiners and Winners
on April 21st, 2008 at 8:32 pm
Holistic Marketing (I wrote a book about it) is really about connecting with people and finding out if there is a match - that goes for products, services, people, whatever. When selling/marketing, you just share the info without expectations…..
BTW. CK tagged you on her last post.
Michelle Vandepas’s last blog post..Now You Too Can Be Tagged By A Blogger’s Compulsive Behavior!
on April 25th, 2008 at 10:39 pm
Very cool, Michelle. I will need to learn more. And thanks for the heads-up on CK’s tag….
on June 11th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
Great Tom,
I love the part about desire, yes a desire like an aversion is just a feeling. And feelings only lie
In a lot of spiritual circles there sometimes seems to be an attachment to an aversion of desire…grin.
Yes the hype like style that Hale is following was bothering me as well, but what was worse was his laughter. It took me a year, but when I hear it these days it makes me smile. Don’t love or hate it, just is a silly laugh and that makes me laugh..
Keep going, I’ll be back and share some deep serious stuff when I’m in that mood (and thats a feeling to ).
But seriously isn’t it great how this way of living takes the sting out of things. The battle has finally been fought when we figured out that there is no battle to begin with.. And we can start doing what we are doing.
Love,
Barbara
on June 11th, 2008 at 8:56 pm
@Barbara Ah, you know, for some reason I’ve always loved Hale’s silly laugh. He gets so tickled at things, especially at retreats. But the hype? Ugh. Also, I’m finding it really funny that whatever spiritual thing makes it big (and on to Oprah), Hale is right there with “see how the Sedona Method is THE NEW EARTH!” I just crack-up laughing.
But you are right. There is no battle. We love Hale for all his stuff, we love ourselves for all of our stuff. We just love more and more. That’s the way, really. Thanks Barbara!
Trackbacks