Love What Is
Written on May 27, 2008 by Tom Stine
I had a client once who asked me to explain further a comment I made to him during one of our sessions:
When you can for just this moment, just for this one moment, completely, utterly totally, beyond accept, love your experience right now, then you have the power to do something about it.
I have seen, in many contexts, the idea of accepting, allowing or welcoming one’s experience. It seems to me that this is a crucial step to letting go or healing any issue. But these terms, welcome, allow, accept, really don’t go far enough in my experience. They do help, but they don’t have the force, the utter radicalness that brings incredible freedom and power. The more radical approach for me is to love my experience.
Let’s say that you experience a bit of hardship or unpleasantness, something like a break-up in a relationship. You are experiencing sadness, unhappiness, a sense of loss and rejection. The question I would often ask a client is “Could you accept or welcome the sense of rejection or loss?” This question helps the client to get in touch with the feeling, to experience it more fully. From there, it is possible to feel a spontaneous release or freedom around the feeling. And that is very good.
However, as I have discovered in my own experience, if you can go beyond welcoming or accepting, and actually go to loving the feeling, even more power is unleashed. For in the moment that you love something, you are saying in effect, “I am 100% happy with the way things are. I don’t need to change a thing.” And that seems to me to be the source of something miraculous. I think it was Eckhart Tolle truly means by The Power of Now.
The Surge of Peace
Every time I do this, no matter what it is I am loving, I feel an incredible surge of peace, happiness and well-being. It is truly remarkable. It goes far beyond feeling a little better about an issue. It transcends releasing or any other process. It feels as if I have activated some hidden power source deep within me, one that goes out into the world through me, liberating me and everything else from suffering.
I encouraged my client in this instance to go beyond just accepting his problem and feelings about it because of the incredible power of love. But it has to be genuine. It requires a bit of radical thinking. It requires a huge leap. Or maybe not. Maybe it just requires a willingness to see what truly is the Truth. The truth that love is all there is.
Loving What Is and Change
Right about now you might be saying, “But Tom, I really do want to change an aspect of my life. How can loving something to the extent that I’m, in your words, ‘100% happy with the way things are,’ allow me to make changes in my life?” I’ve heard these questions before. The answer is quite simple, really. Nothing, repeat nothing can change if you first don’t accept it as it is, at least to some extent. And the more you can accept it, ie, go beyond acceptance and love it, the better.
Think about it: let’s say that you are wanting to lose weight. You’ve tried and tried, but to no avail. You have done everything, but nothing works. Why? The odds are pretty good that you are experiencing a massive internal conflict that is locking the weight in place. You are fighting reality. You are fighting life as it is right now. You are overweight. That’s reality. That’s the truth.
Subconsciously, you can almost hear the battle. “I hate being fat, I don’t like myself,” and on and on. And then there’s the other side: “I want to lose weight, I must lose weight, I should lose weight, I want to be thin!” Accepting things as they are drains the fight out of you. It weakens the battle. Your feelings relax, subside, and you feel more peaceful. And loving things as they are, well, it takes this process an order of magnitude further. The fight is gone, the battle forever done. You love yourself as you are. Nothing to change.
Change Can Be Effortless
My experience is that when I do this important step, change often just happens, with little effort on my part. Things simply improve. You might get on the scale and find that 10 pounds of anger and animosity has been shed from your system and your waist by shifting to love. Peace brings harmony and flow. I recall reading one time that “retained hate = overweight.” Could be, don’t you think? It is easy to see how this process would work if that were true.
So, pick an area of your life that is stuck. Look at it, examine how you are not loving things as they are. Make an effort to drop your criticisms, your judgments, your struggle against it. First accept, then move toward love. For now, simply identify what isn’t working and see how you are not being loving to things as they are. It will make a profound difference if you do nothing else. In future posts, I will talk more about how you can work this process on any issue.
In case you can’t tell, I love working with my clients and helping them to experience radical growth in their lives. I personally learn a great deal from them. I’m glad to be able to share this learning with you. Namaste.
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on May 28th, 2008 at 2:32 am
Tom - fantastic article! And so very true - it is an incredibly powerful and profound shift that happens when we allow ourselves to love what is.
I’m glad you used the example of weight loss :). I currently have a couple of kilos that I’d like to shift. About a week or so ago, I stopped fighting my body and started loving it instead. At first I didn’t even realise that I’d started making changes to my diet and exercise patterns, as the changes were so natural and effortless compared to the usual deliberate changes that we make when we start an exercise program or diet. Yet, while the changes each day have been so natural as to feel almost unnoticeable, they are making a very noticeable difference over time!
Mags | Woo-Woo Wisdom’s last blog post..Ask Mags: The Spiritual Life Or The Simple Life?
on May 28th, 2008 at 6:39 am
Great article, Tom! I completely agree that acceptance must take place before change can begin. One little catch that I sometimes discover is - striving for acceptance so that we can then begin change is still creating resistance. If we say “I’m going to love this aspect of myself so it will finally go away” then we’re still engaged in internal struggle. It really does have to be unconditional, which can be tricky, especially when we’ve managed to shift into change using this technique, and now we’re consciously trying to do it again!
Any thoughts on how to get around the mind saying “Am I loving this enough to change it yet?”
Blessings,
Andrea
Andrea Hess|Empowered Soul’s last blog post..Living Our Wholeness
on May 28th, 2008 at 9:32 am
@Mags Glad you liked it. You know, as I was writing, weight loss just popped into my head. I’m blessed I’ve never had to worry about it. But every time I go to a spiritual retreat, although I eat well, I always lose 5 lbs. Somehow, the level of love and energy passing through me changes my patterns. I walk more, I eat healthier choices, and I have no interest in desserts. I’m glad to hear that your experience lately has been the same. I’ve heard numerous tales over the years of people having a similar experience, sometimes dramatic, all from an inner shift.
on May 28th, 2008 at 9:38 am
@Andrea Yes! You’ve got it. The acceptance can’t be a “trick” to get what you want. The love must be real and genuine.
Okay, here’s how I would handle your question “Am I loving this enough to change it yet?” Simply know that your mind is going to ask that question. Mine does, I can assure you. So you begin there. The mind asks. Accept THAT. Love the mind for “it knows not what it does.” Now the resistance will start to fade. I’ve often found that loving and accepting the thoughts and feelings I have about a situation is the key to getting closer to loving the situation itself. In a sense, you are accepting and loving the very thing that is holding you back: your own thoughts and feelings. Does that make sense?
on May 28th, 2008 at 11:13 pm
Wow, Tom. One of the best. Really well put. This is the key to both love and happiness. It is what Eckhart talks about all the time.
The way you describe it sounds like you’re working towards the second absorption Adya talks about
Thats when you step into the ocean of love. Just think about the Surge of Peace coming and not going.
For me, I was very much in my head. My first step was to practice gratitude for what is. I was quite surprised how powerful that was. Occasionally it would create an opening, and I could experience what I call forgiveness. Just complete acceptance and allowing for what had been. And that opened the door for love to flow in. Love much deeper than anything I had ever experienced. After that, it has been getting better and better and better. Relationships are much changed as I no longer look outside for love. The relationship is instead the vehicle of expression rather than the illusory source. I could go on and on… But suffice to say its a process that will collapse the whole story of pain and separation.
Davidya’s last blog post..Existence is
on May 29th, 2008 at 11:11 am
@Davidya Thanks! I’m finding that my clients seem to spur me to do some really interesting “thinking” on the subject. You know, loving like this was what got Lester Levenson, the creator of the Sedona Method, on his journey to awakening and healing. He started loving all of the experiences from his life, especially people.
While love is often spoken of in spiritual circles, I don’t think it gets nearly the credit it deserves. Love is all there is. Love loving itself. I like that. Thanks for sharing your experience with love.
on May 29th, 2008 at 10:22 pm
Hi Tom
And thank you for providing the forum. I was lucky enough to spend a half year focused on the subject while writing last year. You are fortunate to have work that is focused on practical application of this. I suppose that says more about you though, that you have applied what you’ve been learning to your practice.
Davidya’s last blog post..Doing the Obvious
on May 29th, 2008 at 10:23 pm
Oops - the last bit
That speaks of your clarity and love.
Davidya’s last blog post..Doing the Obvious
on May 30th, 2008 at 7:38 am
Hi, Tom:
I invite you to play with a very subtle shift in what you’re saying. Instead of “loving the experience”, just “like” who you truly are in the midst of the experience.
on May 30th, 2008 at 10:31 am
Interesting thought. There’s a sweet sadness, right? So yes, you can love your experiences even if they are, objectively speaking (is there such a thing anyway?) negative. Thank you or an interesting idea.
Vered’s last blog post..The Sleazy Ads of Google Adsense
on May 30th, 2008 at 10:38 am
@Davidya It is my pleasure. In case you can’t tell, I’m enjoying my website and writing. Thanks!
on May 30th, 2008 at 10:43 am
@Darlene Thanks for the suggestion! I’ve done a bit of that before. It is a subtle shift but a powerful one. The result is quite peaceful.
@Vered Thanks for the comment. I understand what you mean by sweet sadness. There is an almost magical transformation that occurs when we love even what seems unlovable. Just love it, with no thought to what we are going to “do” about it. The peace that ensues is priceless. Glad to have you here.
on May 31st, 2008 at 10:38 am
Thank You!!! Soaking in the words, the easier part, locating the feelings, still somewhat easy…..releasing to Love this Now I am in? Okay….give me some time…..sometimes I process slowly……lol…..Again, Thank You….I so need this info for my life, right now, forever….
on May 31st, 2008 at 11:33 am
@Victoria I’m so glad you benefited from this little missive of mine. Always great to know I’ve reached someone when they need “reaching.” If you keep releasing, you will get there. Glad to have your comment.
on June 3rd, 2008 at 2:24 pm
This flows so well and naturally that I suspect it took a lot of work.
The tie up between accepting, loving, our experience - not necessarily the circumstance - is so important. And you’ve articulated it so well. This really is a splendid post. Thanks.
Proof-reading nitpicking: allow not ‘alloy’ in the par immediately under the quote.
Evan’s last blog post..Satisfaction from Knowing Ourselves and Better Relationships
on June 3rd, 2008 at 8:44 pm
My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. James 1:2-4
Lori’s last blog post..?Christian Commerce? and Guilt Manipulation?
on June 3rd, 2008 at 9:37 pm
@Evan Thank you for the incredibly supportive comments. I really appreciate it. This post is one of my favorites.
on June 15th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
Tom, I agree with you, one of my favourite posts too! I just spent a few minutes playing with it as a form of releasing - welcoming works, smiling at it works better, but loving it - woo! Thanks for this awesome post.
Albert | UrbanMonk.Net’s last blog post..The Power of Being Yourself
on July 27th, 2008 at 9:26 pm
Wow, Tom… What a great post! Acceptance is not always easy, but definitely worth it. Losing the resistance is essential in moving forward toward change and acceptance ties right in with that nicely, don’t you think?
I’m very much enjoying myself with your postings. I happened upon your blog tonight, and it’s nice to see a fellow Missourian with such a great blog!