The Practical Side of All This Thought Stuff
Written on May 10, 2008 by Tom Stine
I have a coaching client who has quite a bit of difficulty using his hands and arms due to a long-term problem of pain and stiffness. I frequently type notes for him during and after our sessions so he has a reminder of what we discussed, plus it is a good way to make certain he knows what he will be working on between sessions.
We’ve been working together for a while, and I have worked with him often on his beliefs about the various issues in his life. Obviously from my last few articles, I’ve had thoughts, beliefs and thinking on my mind of late, and during our coaching session last week, I said something to him about his thoughts and beliefs on a few subjects, and then I typed the following into my notes for him:
You will discover, if you are open to it, that much of what goes through your head, your thoughts and thinking, look suspiciously like the behaviors of a drug addict or alcoholic.
He pondered this statement for a day or two, and then he left me a message yesterday asking me to explain further what I meant by the above. I typed a response and sent it to him, explaining what I meant and why my emphasis on thoughts and feelings is helpful and extremely practical. He left me another message this morning begging me to post my response on my website because, in his words, “it was freaking brilliant and would help far more people than I could ever help by coaching alone.” Well, who am I to argue with a statement like that? So, here is what I wrote to him (with minor editing to preserve his privacy):
“Our minds, if we are honest, are quite obsessive. They get stuck on a topic and they keep going round and round and round about it. They don’t stop. Like an addict, they go back for another hit, another high, sticking with a subject or a belief until they literally fall apart from it. Just like an addict.
“We continually give energy to our thoughts by believing them to be true. We say, ‘Well, since I thought it, it must be true.’ But a touch of honesty reveals that most of what we think is no where near true. I would contend that none of it is true. It is all just mental noise, far removed from our actual moment to moment, minute to minute experience.
“So, what I’m encouraging you to do is to suck some of the energy out of the stories you tell yourself. That’s why I always emphasized working with your beliefs. Beliefs are stories. You only believe those things you don’t know to be 100% true. Do you have to believe in breathing? Do you have to believe in gravity? No. You may not know what gravity really is, or how breathing works, or whether gravity will be working tomorrow, but it seems to be the case that every time you jump, you come right back down. No believing really required.
“Let me be very blunt with you. You believe that you can’t make money because of your hands. We’ve discussed that many times. Do you have evidence even remotely as strong as gravity to justify this belief? Or did you decide at some point that it must be true? Do you see? You’ve repeated that story so much that if you will look, you will see that you are clinging to the belief that until your hands get better, you can’t earn money. But is it true? Is it real? Where’s the proof?
“And when you start to doubt your own beliefs, you will find that your creativity will skyrocket. Suddenly, things that seemed impossible start seeming possible. You have new prospects, new perspectives. But only when you question your old beliefs. This process is releasing in its most basic form. Real and true and deep Sedona Method releasing. Exactly what Lester Levenson did when he awaken and healed himself from terminal heart disease.
“Plus, as you shed these beliefs, your body will have a chance to relax. It will not be under so much constant mental stress. And who knows what good things might happen if you relaxed your body!
“Is this making more sense? Let me know….. Tom”
I’ve been thinking lately of writing more articles that focus on how to live from consciousness, spirituality, etc. Personally, I think that spirituality is the most practical approach to life and life’s issues. That’s why I work with people. That’s why I write. To help people with life’s ups and downs.
Spiritual awakening seems to me to be the absolute best solution to all of life’s problems and issues. It is difficult to explain, but it is truly amazing the relief that you feel when you start realizing that all of your problems are not a big deal because they aren’t your problems. Quite simply, there is no you to have them. They are just stuff, part of life, but they do not ultimately threaten who you truly are.
I encourage everyone reading this article to do what I encourage my clients to do: challenge your beliefs. Start to see that they are just thoughts, just ideas floating around they mind, and that they aren’t true and they certainly are not you. You will be surprised by what happens when you start to let all this stuff go. All I can say is, “magical.”
If you enjoy this article, please vote for it or share it with others. I appreciate your support.
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Tagged with: coaching • releasing • Sedona Method • thoughts
on May 10th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
The energy that goes into arguing is valuable. When we realise how much energy we have then this is a resource we have to draw on.
Evan’s last blog post..Add Joy to Your Life by Playing
on May 10th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
@Evan I hear what you are saying. But as soon as we realize the energy that has gone into the arguing, why not just take the energy and put it elsewhere? Why continue to argue?
on May 10th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
Great post, Tom.
I would add that there are 2 things that cause the mind to hack over and over. One is beliefs that have no reality. To keep them apparently real, we have to remind ourselves about them over and over. Keep telling the story. If we stop investing in them, the air is taken out and they go flat. We don’t have to actually change the belief, just stop and look at it. When its seen through, it ends. Many thoughts are like that.
The flip side of the coin, closely related, is resistance. What we resist persists. It requires constant energy to keep resisting what we don’t want to see. Much like the illusion, all we have to do is stop for a moment. Then its seen through and allowed. It turns out what we have resisted is much less scary than all the energy we’ve put into avoiding it.
In the east, they call this the wheel of karma. The repeaters that come back over and over again. Resisting what is or holding what isn’t. Just stop and allow and the wheel slows then stops.
Davidya’s last blog post..Living the Dream
on May 10th, 2008 at 8:41 pm
Why does one need to argue? Is it to prove a point?
Why does one need to prove anything? To give something to the identity? To show that one has the right knowledge, or is an authority on some subject?
What happens when one argues? What is going on inwardly? In order to argue, one must have a contrary idea. Is this clear enough? You say thought is this, but I know it isn’t, so I will argue and say thought is that. That is it, more or less. What is happening there? Where is the energy and how is it being used?
In order to argue, one must hold the contrary position. That is an incredible waste of energy. But that is not the only wastage. In order have the contrary position, one must have the belief to support that position. All of this energy is going in to holding up the “correct” position, and in the mean time, there is no chance of living freely, or seeing naturally. If one holds the contrary position, it obscures the reality.
The contrary position is already decided beforehand, and is determined by belief. So when one argues, it is merely a reaction built upon what has come before. And what has come before has nothing to do with what is happening now. Is this clear?
There is no contrary position in liberation. That is the dualistic domain of the self. Being present requires all the energy one can muster. Any wastage of that energy on holding up the past, using it as a lens, a shield, or a barometer, places one in a world of imagery and illusion.
I wonder if this is clear to anyone reading this?
It isn’t good or bad, right or wrong. In liberation there is no need to argue, as there is no one to hold a contrary position. Takuin can say all of this, but unless one is there, it is meaningless. Go there and find out how this moves within you. It is absolutely beautiful when all positions disappear.
Takuin Minamoto’s last blog post..Rabbit Holes and Artistic Expression
on May 10th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
Completely clear, no matter how much I may seem to debate (laughs)
Takuin is not meaningless. Takuin is only meaning. The silence is beyond Takuin. But Takuin brings it forth, gives meaning.
on May 10th, 2008 at 9:22 pm
Tom.
No arguing what a concept. Your taking all the fun out of being married.:)
I like the way you said we only believe 100% in the things we don’t know to be true.That’s interesting to take a strong position on something without really knowing what we are talking about.
I like how Takuin says in closing. “It is absolutely beautiful when all positions disappear”. Voila, No arguing.
Mark’s last blog post..justa Wishen all the Mom’s out there a happy mothers day!
on May 10th, 2008 at 9:31 pm
Justa perfect, Mark. You got it.
on May 10th, 2008 at 11:20 pm
Hi Gang… A quick comment on this post. Please remember the context of what I said: I was primarily focused upon helping a client get unstuck. Moving him out of stuckness required strong, decisive language. I wanted to give a practical example of how the discussions on thinking serve a useful purpose.
In the end, I must agree with Adyashanti when discussing words, ideas, concepts and teachings: they are all just strategies employed to help the dreamer awaken. Not a direct quote, but pretty close. I simply wanted to add this little bit to the discussion.
on May 11th, 2008 at 3:58 am
I love the concept that we only believe in things we aren’t sure of; I suspect that one will keep resurfacing in my mind.
The idea of dissipating argument by not holding a position is a difficult one for me. Not too much of a problem in an abstract discussion, or even one which is less abstract but relatively inconsequential… But what about situations where refusing to take a position and make a stand could result in seriously adverse consequences? How does it go in a situation where my seriously drunk friend is about to drive home - should I not try to convince him it’s a bad idea? And if that turns into an argument? Or to take a really extreme example, what about the guy who pulls a knife and wants to stab me? Should I passively let him?
I’m not being argumentative, of course.
This is a point I’ve struggled with for a long time - maybe you guys can finally make it clear to me.
on May 11th, 2008 at 4:36 am
I haven’t been in a position to have a knife pulled on me.I hope I never am. I would like to think I would talk him out of using it on me. If unable to, I would take a defensive position and do everything within my power to make sure that I was the one going home to my family.
As to arguing a drunk friend out of his keys. For me thats a no brainer. He can be mad at me in the morning,at least he would be alive to be so.
Mark’s last blog post..justa Wishen all the Mom’s out there a happy mothers day!
on May 11th, 2008 at 5:25 am
My thoughts exactly, Mark. My comments were really in response to Takuin’s apparent suggestion that it is never necessary or desirable to take a contrary position (apologies to Takuin if I’ve misinterpreted what he’s saying).
on May 11th, 2008 at 6:30 am
Sorry for the long reply, Tom.
In other words you are saying The idea of dissipating argument by not holding a position is a difficult one from my position.
Wink, wink.
If your friend is drunk and about to drive home, you won’t let him. It isn’t that you don’t want him to, you won’t let him. There is a difference there, although it may seem confusing. Of course you don’t wish him any harm, but there is no conflict of thought; only action.
If one’s position is involved, there is that back and forth. Have you seen it for yourself? Maybe you’ve been at a party and there is the guy (always a guy in my experience) that is “just fine to drive home.” The friends are talking him out of doing it. There is an unnecessary back and forth. Just take the damn keys. The case is closed.
But why the back and forth, which is almost always the case? Go into it for yourself and see what is there. It is fascinating.
Is it necessary to have a contrary position to take his keys? No. Just take the keys. He may become violent, belligerent, or whatever, but none of that matters. Just take the keys. It does not require a self-designed world or story in order to act. You just take the keys.
And what if a knife is pulled? This is even more interesting, at least to me. Go there for yourself…the knife is pulled. “Give me your money!” or whatever it is. What do you do? Try to take it away from him? Give him your money? What do you do?
If you try to take the knife away, why do you do it? I am not saying it is right or wrong, but why do you do it? Because you don’t want to be stabbed? Because the guy has made you mad? Maybe you want to impress a girl? Why do you do it?
If you don’t want to be stabbed, does that mean you have the image of being stabbed?
If he made you mad, is that also due to an image? Are you mad because he pulled the knife, or are you mad because of what happened in your mind after he pulled the knife?
Do you want to impress someone? Again, is that due to an image? You have an idea of what will happen if you are victorious; the admiration, possible reward, or whatever.
In the above examples, are we dealing with what is happening now, or are we at the mercy of our imagery? You might say, “Yes, there is the image first, but there is still the guy with the knife! If the knife is there, stay with it. Be there one hundred percent.
Without the imagery, without the contrary position, you will know exactly what to do. It will be there with you, in every movement. You will never have to ask, “What do I do?”
It is shocking to have a knife pulled on you, but it doesn’t have to be a matter of control. Control comes through the need to impose what is comfortable - what is known - upon the situation. Again, this is not good or bad. Just go there for yourself and see what is there.
I don’t usually speak of myself, but I’ll give an example from my past. Someone pulled a knife on me when I was around nineteen or twenty years old. My reaction was violent. It didn’t turn out well. Luckily, he was more scared than I, and he didn’t stab so much as slash a bit. (I do have defensive woulds on my hands, but the scars are difficult to see as time goes on.)
My reaction was so violent that, afterward, I was filled with revulsion at what I had done to retaliate. This was way before I had ever questioned anything, so I couldn’t really get into it to see what was happening. On some level it was just a selfish acceptance of what I had done. But at that time, I decided to never strike out in violence again, no matter the situation.
In those days, I had an idea that kept me from violence. And that want kept me attached to the very thing I wanted to be free of. But now, without the idea, without the need to be non-violent, the violence simply stops.
There is only room for violence in thought. It does not exist beyond our mind.
I am not saying that any of this is so. But go inward and see it for yourself. Only you can clear these hurdles.
When I mentioned that above, I didn’t mean to suggest that it occurs that way within you, or that you should try to make this happen within yourself. That is just the way it is lived within this organism. But there is absolutely nothing remarkable about what is happening here. I have no advantage over you in any way. But if the violence doesn’t live here, it doesn’t have to live there, either.
Don’t trust me! Go there and look around.
Takuin Minamoto’s last blog post..Rabbit Holes and Artistic Expression
on May 11th, 2008 at 7:08 am
So I sit here, stunned, by the timing of this piece, the power in your words, and the depth of gratitude I have for this blog. I must say Tom that your client was absolutely right in encouraging you to share this. That and I’m filled with giddy glee as I feel like I’m getting away with free, quality therapy.
As I read what you had to say, I felt a lift of pressure that I’ve been looking for for the past few days. That’s right, I let the mental noise sucker me into being pinned down by its (bad) stories.
You’re right. They are just stories. I forgot. And I am quite the story teller -let me tell you. Ha.
Anyway, being the ever greatful reader,THANK YOU for this excellent excellent piece. THANK you.
kudos to your client for his candor.
JEMi | Tips for Life, Love, You’s last blog post..What Keeps YOU Young?: An InMyHeels/Lipton FUJI Crosstown Bike Giveaway!!!
on May 11th, 2008 at 8:48 am
@Takuin - wow, quite a response! Thanks for taking the time. Forgive me if some of my questions seem naive, but this is very murky water to me.
Confusing, yes. Surely I won’t let him simply because I don’t want him to?
Apart from it being more forceful and probably more likely to result in a shouting match (especially if I have to take the keys out of his pocket!), I really don’t see the difference between “take his keys then refuse to discuss it” and “try to talk him out of it”. Either way, I’m trying to impose my worldview (or position) on somebody else - in other times or cultures I would be seen as a weirdo or troublecauser for trying to prevent someone driving drunk, it’s not something universal. By taking his keys, I’m taking a position - and it’s contrary!
Naturally I would try to avoid being stabbed, and for a mixture of reasons. Some probably ego- or attachment-based (the sheer injustice, that some lowlife mugger could stab me and leave my children fatherless for the few quid in my pocket, that I’d become a victim) and some from the reptile brain (fight or flight). Does that mean I have an image of being stabbed? I’m not sure I even understand the question… I certainly wouldn’t allow myself to be stabbed, just on the off-chance it’s not as bad as I expect!
As we go through life, it’s a lucky person who doesn’t find themselves in some kind of conflict from time to time. I’ve found an awareness of ego helps the dingy, dreary, unnecessary nastiness of many people wash over me with equanimity - it’s only my ego that wants to respond, and I’m getting better at accepting that and letting it go. On a good day I can even feel compassion for those who abuse me, and give them a smile before getting on with my day unaffected. To that extent, all that I’ve read about spirituality has really helped my life become a much more relaxed place!
To my mind physical intimidation, bullying, violence or abuse is a different matter. That isn’t just my ego that’s being threatened, it’s my life and well-being or those of my friends or family. In a situation such as that, where I was left with no choice but to defend myself or my loved ones using physical force, I don’t think I would feel I was wrong to do so. Indeed, I’ve spent several years studying martial arts to reduce my vulnerability and the chances of me ever becoming a victim (thankfully I’ve never had to use that training, but I’m glad to have it). Is that view incompatible with your thinking?
Again, I have no intention of being argumentative here, I’d just love to hear your views. And sorry, Tom, for the hijack!
on May 11th, 2008 at 10:30 am
@Mark I’ve never had the problem, either. I’ve always been a relatively unharmed person. Strange how life flows.
@Shadowduck Let me add a bit to Takuin’s statement and see if I can clarify. The big thing is that was are so habituated to believing that we have to THINK about something before any action will occur. And at the core of thinking is always the THINKER, me, the I-thought. Notice that in the example of the drunk friend, it is “I have to talk him out of it” or “I have to take his keys away.” But we all have experiences of acting without conscious thought being necessary, and it is amazing how that can often be the most perfect response.
As we drop the idea that we are a separate self, a “me,” we come to notice that we act more naturally without thinking about it. Takuin has some experience of that. I have a little, too. Life just flows, and the body flows in response to life. This is really what “going with the flow” is all about. Just being and allowing doing to occur. Ultimately, no matter how hard we try to avoid it, we must confront the amazing truth: there is no one doing the things that are done. Just bodies moving. But try as you might, you can never find the doer.
Ain’t spirituality fun!
on May 11th, 2008 at 10:35 am
@JEMi You are more than welcome. I’m really glad this article had the impact it did. I’ve been thinking of getting my articles out of the clouds and down to earth as it were. You said exactly what I’ve been thinking: providing people with good stuff that they can use RIGHT NOW to change their lives for the better. In a very real sense, all of spirituality is about being of service, helping others, alleviating suffering. Spirituality is the key to it ending it once and for all.
And I agree: my client is a cool guy. Actually, all my clients are very cool people. I enjoy working with them immensely.
Again, thanks for your comments and support. Just remember to be kind to the story teller.
on May 11th, 2008 at 10:58 am
Thanks, Tom - I’m a little clearer on what you and Takuin are saying now. I can see that acting without thought removes the need (or even possibility) of an opinion. Strangely, the concept of action without thought is widely used in martial arts and I still failed to make the connection! I’ve even experienced it briefly on occasion, but the idea of living your whole life like that is… Wow. Have I just had a glimpse of something?
For what it’s worth, by the way, nobody’s ever pulled a knife on me either - in fact I haven’t had to defend myself (physically) outside the dojo since I was at school! Don’t want you getting the impression I go round spoiling for a fight.
PS Apologies for the HUGE paragraph in my last post. It didn’t look like that when I typed it up, can’t be easy on the eyes to read it!
on May 11th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
@Shadowduck Thanks for the great response.
@Tom Thanks for making it even more clear.
In these cases, the contrary position is not doing something someone else might not like; it is the idea that there is a solidified center that makes decisions for us. It is a reliance on the past, which is dead and old.
If I take the keys and he shouts, I understand. If I take the keys and he doesn’t talk to me for weeks afterward, I understand. If I take the keys and he punches me in the face, I understand…and I take the keys. If he shouts, abandons me, or physically hurts me, it doesn’t matter.
When I was younger I was shouted at, abandoned, and physically hurt. But now, If someone shouts, I have to listen because it must be important to them. Why else would they shout? They are screaming to be understood.
And it is also impossible to be abandoned. This physical organism belongs to no one, and there is no somebody with something to lose.
And there may be physical damage, pain sensations or whatever, but there is no one here to make anything personal. One might prefer not to be punched, but after you are punched, that preference creates conflict.
We spend out lives not being punched. But when we actually are punched, that becomes our world. In reality, life after the punch is better because we’re not being punched anymore. Haha.
All war ends here, not out there.
Takuin Minamoto’s last blog post..Sitting #2
on May 11th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
@Takuin You nailed it: “All war ends here, not out there.
on May 11th, 2008 at 7:38 pm
Tom - yes I notice some teachers consider what they say only correct in the moment. One I know wrote a book, then saw it as the past. It was very curious to have them speaking about this repeatedly by example while I was writing a book (laughs)
Davidya’s last blog post..Stop, Look, Listen
on May 11th, 2008 at 7:41 pm
This question of belief is interesting. Do we only believe what we are unsure of, or do we create a whole construct and personality set to be in the world - Then treat that construct as ‘reality’. Is that construct our belief? In other words, is our reality the manifest form of our beliefs?
The question gets slippery fast when you recognize the constructs are not stored on the level of the individual. Just the resistances. (laughs)
on May 11th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
Takuin - you have described the egos need to take a position well. It has an inborn need to be right and thus make other wrong. Hence the need for a position. If we step out of that, we are remarkably freed.
Taking a position always accelerates conflict. Stepping out of the need for a position can bring peace to almost any situation. I’ve twice had a loaded firearm pointed at me by someone enraged. Staying calm and stepping out of the conflict resolved it and made no enemies - indeed in one case an ‘enemy’ (in their mind) became a friend as I had not made them wrong. It really is very simple but we have to be able to see past the fox.
on May 11th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
Great comments everyone! I had set aside some time just to step through the ideas and digest them.
on May 14th, 2008 at 7:28 am
After reading this article, I feel like I have to express how grateful I am. The article is really inspiring, in a practical way. It gives me hope, makes me feel like I have just shed a ton of burden off my shoulder and that is the worry about how I won’t be able to find a good job (I am going to graduate from university) although I find nothing wrong with me. What a relief! Thank you so much! I just love how you have made spiritual so practical to everyone.
on May 14th, 2008 at 10:47 am
@Max I’m really pleased that this article was so helpful to you! Your comment made my day. I plan on writing additional posts that are more practical in nature. I hope you will get a chance to read some of those. Be well, and good luck with graduation!
on May 19th, 2008 at 6:07 am
A more “practical” approach to the whole topic is definately a nice addition to an already fantastic blog, Tom.
Great post, and good, honest advice.
I see that it was focused at just one client, but I think that if you “read it with the right goggles”, everyone can gain something from this.
Thanks Tom,
you just put a smile on my lips as I thought…
I am not my thoughts.
Namaste!
Alex
Alex Kay’s last blog post..2 Movies to Watch for Learning Sexy Body Language and Masculine Attitude
on May 19th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
@Alex Glad you enjoyed it. I’m glad I made you smile. I’m going to be doing other practical posts, too.
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