In my last article, I shared some ideas about the proverbial “enlightened guy.” As I mentioned, I prefer the term awakening as it has a little less historical baggage associated with it, but no matter, I think we all know at least something about the subject, no matter what we call it. As spiritual awakening is one of the primary topics of this site, I thought it would be good to have some more discussion about it. And interestingly, Adyashanti provided just what I needed.
Here is an excerpt from a satsang Adyashanti did at the April 2008 silent retreat of his that I attended. I’ll let him do the talking, then I will offer a few comments:
There’s awakening and then there’s awakening, isn’t there? There’s a moment that we can call an awakening moment… An awakening moment isn’t any old spiritual experience. As a matter of fact, it’s almost none of the spiritual experiences that we’re told that it is. But there can be a moment of awakening.
So there’s a moment of awakening, and then there’s actually being awake. And very often the moment of awakening, actually, it’s significant in the sense that something has fundamentally shifted, that you can’t go back on, even though you might re-delude yourself and lose sight of it and start a whole long process of struggling and then trying to maintain it. And all that stuff.
But ultimately something at the seat of consciousness has fundamentally shifted. Then there is the other awakening. It’s the other awakening that sort of is the process of awakening, which is that thing where it starts to dissolve the spiritual ego, dissolve the “me,” dissolve all those things that you immediately apprehend in the moment of awakening but doesn’t necessarily mean you are going to be living it a year later.
Then there is this dissolving away of all that which divides. And that for most people takes quite a bit of time. That’s the honest truth. Very few people are going to have, “Ah ha! Alleluia!” The lights turned on. And the lights are just going to stay turned on. Every now and then it happens, but usually it’s like, “Okay, now the other thing’s going to happen, and it’s going to be called the dissolving of you.”
Even though you’ve seen in that moment that there is no you, nonetheless the dissolving of you has now begun in earnest and you can expect it to continue in ways and to a depth that you never imagined. And that’s basically what it’s about.
And once that process has started, it doesn’t really need your help. It just can use you not hindering it. The “me” can’t help it along, but the “me” sure can kind of slow the whole thing down.
So, if we follow Adyashanti’s discussion, there is a moment of awakening, when what you are sees, truly sees itself for what it is. The illusion of a separate self disappears for a time, and you know yourself as One. Sometimes, this can be referred to as a “parting of the veil” of illusion.
But then, for most people, the process of awakening begins. Whatever parts of the “me” that are still hanging around, getting in the way of seeing Oneness in all places and in all moments, these parts will, seemingly over time, be dissolved. And, contrary to popular belief, this dissolving can be a process that takes years. Adyashanti has commented in other places that he has seen in take typically 3-15 years for most people.
Should we be surprised by the fact that there is awakening and then a process of awakening? Not really. For most people, that’s just the way it is. In the Zen tradition, the Sandokai says, “To encounter the Absolute is not yet Enlightenment.” Same basic idea. The veil parts, but then more is seen through over time. To be certain, this process has been my experience.
And yet. And yet, is that even true? While it may appear that a process is occurring, it also seems, to those who reach the endpoint of this process, as if the process never occurred. That which is awake is awake, now, forever, always. How can it ever be asleep, for it is the fount from which springs everything of form? I’m sorry to say it, because it can sound to the mind like I’m hedging, but awakening is filled with paradoxes. No way around it.
Of course, I will have more to say on the subject of spiritual awakening in future articles. I look forward to your comments! Namaste.
I always like Adyashanti’s stuff.
The problem is it opens a hole for the delusion to continue.
As you mentioned in the previous article, there is a depth of realization and understanding needed. Someone can have an “awakening experience” and then say “I am in the awakening process”…and yet never have been very deep and so is in continual process. It becomes a way for the ego to continue by taking the back door.
There is no process…it takes time for the wheel to grind to a halt. We’ve been spinning this wheel most of our lives (revolutions of the mind) and it will not instantly stop when we stop adding energy to it (spinning it)…except for a very fortunate few (then instantaneous). It grinds down, of its own accord, when we stop spinning it.
For some, it may take years; however, if it takes 15 years…I suspect they have been spinning the wheel over the years and not noticing…or never had a deep enough realization/understanding in the first place.
@Eric I think you and I completely agree. I believe it was Ramana who used the example of the spinning fan that, once unplugged, takes a bit of time to wind down. From my experience with Adyashanti, I would say that he agrees. The use of the term “process” is meant to imply that. As he has said at other times, this “process” is (1) completely not in control of the seemingly separate self and (2) one has an inevitable conclusion. The only thing “you” can do is possibly slow it down. Or, well, no, that’s not quite correct. All the “me” can do is fight and scream as it is being dragged to the Void. But to the Void it goes.
Thanks for introducing me Adyashanti. I’ve never heard of him before. But what he said is intriguing. I had to re-read his words and your explanation a few times, to relate against my own experience.
It would seem to me that I’m at the start of this process of awakening. The initial realisation that hits can be very painful indeed. And yes…I totally resonated with the “parting of the veil” illusion. Hopefully, I would veer on the side of 3 and not 15 years for clarity.
Thanks once again for sharing,
Evelyn
Evelyn Lim | Attraction Mind Map’s last blog post..Practising Awareness Of The Mind
Thanks for the great quote, Tom. The end of the quote about getting out of the way of the process is especially good.
From what I’ve heard in his talks, Adyashanti had a very big first awakening. He then fell back a bit and integrated the experience. I know someone else that was similar, only they fell further back into their emotional dramas for a time. As such, Adya speaks to his experience. In some places, he more clearly breaks down the process, such is Journey after Awakening and in Emptiness Dancing. That difference is key and what matches the traditions of Advaita, Zen and similar.
I mention this as some teachings only take the first step and stop. But if we know there is more, we will allow for the deeper values to emerge. Compared to what is possible, the silence, freedom and bliss of first awakening is dry and plain.
If we look closely, we can see the process has 2 aspects after first awakening. Adya talks to it above.
1)There is overcoming the ego shrapnel/ deliverance and integrating the deep silence and bliss so they are unshakable in the vagaries of life.
2) there is the moving forward of being, clearing and integrating the heart, then lower ‘me’ and identity values.
So we can say there is the integration aspect and the deepening aspect.
That prepares the ground for the second waking, from the illusion of creation. This is full Oneness. And this process repeats the above, with the integration aspect and the deepening.
This is a minor clarification but I think important in understanding the process. There is a very big difference between First awakening, Realization, and full Unity. Each is a step closer to the fullness of who we are. How they play out varies widely. But you can’t get to London without crossing an ocean. If you don’t know you can go to London, you may never begin.
It is not my intention to harp, but people are awakening more and more and some are now making the second. It has taken a long time until now. But many things point to it taking less time. The fastest I’d heard of before was 3 months and that was someone with a long and deep history. This week, I saw 3 days. Certainly an exception, but it points to the same thing. For most of us, a little integration time and a little deepening time is a very good thing.
In any case, do your housework. Post-awakening is much easier if you are not still carrying all the trash around.
Davidya’s last blog post..Appearance
@Evelyn I’m glad you now know about Adya. He is one of my favorites. Not that it matters, but I think he has a lot to offer. You get the parting of the veil analogy? Yes, it can feel like that. And for some, it is painful. I experienced it as quite amazingly joyous. But then later, lots of fear arose. And passed. It all passes. That’s the beauty of it.
@Davidya Thanks for the comments and ideas. One thing you said that really caught my eye: “some experience that first awakening and then stop.” I’m not certain it is stop as much as get stuck in their minds again. For some reason, when it is a public figure, it seems as if the person gets very arrogant. “I’m enlightened, you aren’t!” There have been some interesting characters in the spiritual world who fit that description.
Hi Tom
Yes, one can fall back into the mind and one can develop a kind of spiritualized me. The ego may even be gone but the identity is held. This becomes a barrier to full awakening.
This is a little different from the stopping but can be related if the identity is held. If one does not know there is something more, the subconscious identity reinvests in this new experience. Particularly as the identity is the core fear. Some are freaked to face that, although when the time comes it’s often very easy. But as long as we have not released the identity, we are not fully awake and have not fully left the individuality. Awakening is a process that takes a little time for most of us. Knowing whats ahead can make the process much easier. Hence the harping (laughs)
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I like how the teachers tend to provide that subtle little ego stroke, like Adyashanti’s, “And that for most people takes quite a bit of time. That’s the honest truth. Very FEW PEOPLE are going to have, “Ah ha! Alleluia!” The lights turned on.”
Yes, very few! But wait, could I be one of the few, the proud, the enlightened! Always the seeking and striving toward the goal (Paradox: it does not exist?), when it seems the “process” of awakening was initiated the moment you believed you were born.
Nevertheless, I resonate with much that Adyashanti teaches. And Sailor Bob and Nirmala, etc, etc, etc. Eric P. puts out some great stuff and I like that “In 2 deep” site too. And Tom, you certainly seem to have a handle on things. So many insightful minds, so much wisdom, so little time. LOL!
I tend to also resonate with parts of Ken Wilber’s Integral Theory as well. He believes that this “awakened” (or “Glimpsing the Divine”) has occurred frequently throughout the ages. Problem is the ego must interpret the “state” and this is dependent on one’s “worldview” (archaic, mythic, rational, yada yada, yada) and worldviews evolve, thereby creating not only enlightened glimpses, but consistent “stages” in which one tends to remain enlightened because the ego has evolved enough to adequately interpret the experience and MAINTAIN it. So with this it seems the question is NOT are you enlightened, but are you EVOLVED.
Seems logical. However, I’m not so sure the “Divine” subscribes to Ken’s logic (or even his wild & crazy guru, Adi Da)
You’ve got a primo site here Tom,love reading the articles and comments. Keep up the good work!
Thanks,
mike S
Mike S’s last blog post..Consciousness and Objects
Mike – glad you like my site.
To be clear, awakening is an ‘aha’ moment – both of them. It’s more subtle for some people but quite distinct for most. There is a change in who you are.
What can take time afterward is the integration. Clearing the leftovers, getting out of old mind habits, and so forth. How long that takes depends on a whole swack of factors – understanding whats going on, investment in dramas, support available, your routine and how well you take care of yourself, and so forth.
One could compare it to getting married. There is a big event, then all the work afterward to settle into the relationship.
When it is fully integrated, then you can reflect the full value of silence, bliss, and unboundedness, whatever the circumstances of life.
On Ken Wilbur, I would take his stuff with a big grain of salt. He is an integrator, blending information from a wide range of sources. Sometimes he does a great job. Sometimes he’s way off in left field. It is not the ego that develops enough to maintain the “experience”, at least not in the way almost everyone else uses the term. Actually, that speaks volumes about what his “enlightenment” is. Almost everyone else talks about ego death or submersion or other such thing. Wilbur’s stuff is very much mind and that has NOTHING to do with awakening. Mental illumination is as far as it goes.
There is a time of integration to stabilize the experience so it can be sustained, but its not the ego that does this. Indeed it is the “ego shrapnel” left over that hinders the process. It is our nervous system adapting, our awareness, and the value of consciousness we can ‘reflect’ that determines the experience we can maintain.
It’s also worth noting that human worldviews do not evolve in a linear pattern but rather in cycles. Wilbur confuses some higher experiences with ancient worldviews, simply from the time in which it was written. Because he does not clearly differentiate ‘worldviews’ and states of consciousness, some of that material is off. Also, he tacks his own stuff onto others ideas to make it all “fit”, distorting the original work. That is not good integration.
Davidya’s last blog post..Silence
@Mike I know what you are saying. The whole “guru biz” is just too full of junk. Whose enlightened? Are you enlightened? Is YOUR teacher enlightened? Am I enlightened? Some of the teachers out there are just plain nuts, if you want to know the truth. You mentioned Adi Da, for instance. Oh, brother! But you did mention some cool ones, too. In the end, I’ve got to leave it at “whatever works for you, man, whatever works.” We all get sent just the right teacher for our stage of the journey. Or something like that!
@Davidya While on the whole I agree with the general outlines of the model you use and Adya outlines, I can’t say that it is really that clear and linear. If ever there was a subject that is unclear it is AWAKENING. It seems that most people have an “awakening” and then some time to clear stuff out. Some don’t. It seems that people will then fully “flower” after a period of time. Some don’t. Some stay stuck as a rock. Some do the whole thing without any steps. The divine plays by its own rules, that’s for certain.
Guys, my pseudo bottom line: there are no stages or steps. There APPEAR to be, but there aren’t. We APPEAR to go through them, but we don’t. There are no FULLY AWAKE beings. Just God playing with himself (pun intended). Have a great weekend.
Tom:
It’s taken me a few days to comment because I had to read the post, ponder and reread it. And ponder some more. Frankly, it makes my hair hurt. Since I may be the only commenter who is not schooled in all things enlightenment, I must ask: Do you have to enter the awakening STATE before you start the awakening PROCESS (is it linear?) and must we all have some sort of “moment” that goes along with the former?
I read about awakening, I get the concept, and frankly would like nothing more than for the ME in me to take a hike.
But I am still waiting for my “moment”.
Annie
Annie Binns’s last blog post..High-Five Fridays | July 18, 2008
@Annie Somedays, it makes my hair hurt, too. Okay, I get something very important about your comment. It is important to explain things a bit better and assume that there are plenty of readers who might need a bit more explanation of “what are you guys talking about?” Got it.
To answer your questions: In a certain sense, you could say the awakening process is a constant, never ending process for every sentient being in the Universe. We are all IN IT right now. However, for the most part, the process we are talking about is one that occurs AS A RESULT OF a “moment” in which you see, truly, really see, through the illusion of being a separate self. It is an experience distinctly different from all other spiritual experiences. If you’ve experienced it, you absolutely know you have. You’ve seen THE TRUTH. And then, the process begins. For most people.
For some, like Ramana Maharshi, the one moment is the only moment. He simply “blew out” the ME. Of course, he had to basically sit in a cave for 10 years while everything got re-integrated. Eckhart Tolle had a similar experience, and sat on park benches for a few years until everything got straightened out. This whole awakening thing is as much a re-integration as anything else.
A suggestion: don’t wait for “the moment.” There is almost nothing you or anyone else can do to make it happen. When reality wants to awaken to itself in a particular person, it will. Period. Now, that doesn’t mean we don’t meditate, pray, whatever. Those things “seem” to be helpful, and seem to help prepare the way. But awakening is an act of grace. The divine works on its agenda, its time table. And we just go along for the ride. Anything you “need” to do to have your moment, you will be “guided” to do. You literally can’t screw it up. I mean that. You can’t screw it up. It will happen exactly as it is supposed to happen.
Annie,
I think I too would like to hear Tom’s answer to this, probably sharing your boat.
But to you I say, how open and brave you are. An indication I think the me you wish to walk may already be doing just that. Hope I’m not mistaken. Maybe Tom can tell us that, too.
@Barbara Funny, I just left a comment for Annie, I think as you were typing this one! So, you’ll find a response above. I will say this about you, Annie and everyone else who reads these articles: you wouldn’t be here if something inside you weren’t “stirring” as it were. You all wouldn’t be reading Eckhart Tolle, or watching the Secret, or reading the hundreds of spiritual books you’ve read, going to seminars, meditating, you name it, if consciousness weren’t questioning the status quo. You can almost hear it: “Something’s just not right. Am I REALLY this hunk of flesh with all these crazy thoughts running through it? Or am I something more? Or less? What the hell AM I?”
Both of you have given me an idea. I’m going to start writing some articles that assume nothing is known about this whole crazy subject. I’m not going to say I will give THE ANSWER about spiritual awakening or how it works (no one can, to be honest), but I can share some thoughts, ideas, and my own experiences. Hopefully I can get one written by the end of the week.
Tom,
Thanks for the thought, addressing those of us in the unsure category. Rather than my hair hurting my reaction often is one of cessation.
I think my desire includes that of having to stop reading, stop doing, stop looking for the answer, an answer, someone else’s answer and just know already. I never had any real desire that I knew of to join Eckhart in his homelessness and his park bench, but I’m so close to that I can taste it.
The consolation/realization/acceptance of Divine order is a hard one to swallow when I look at the life I have lived so far, continue to live, with seemingly no choice some days and realize it has all been consolation.
I think my struggle sometimes includes too much of the big picture, very real glimpses of the big picture, increasing my desire, surpassing all other desire I’ve ever had in day-to-day. The very opposite end of the unsure. Yeah, I know, the polarity necessary, the paradox necessary, couldn’t possibly be the other without it.
Just my take on hurting hair, and maybe it is hurting hair that holds my answers too. I’ll let you know should that occur. What I think it is however, is to learn to hold the tension of the hurting hair. Or in my case the consolation.
It’s interesting that neither Ramana or Eckhart did anything to facilitate their “enlightened moments” and it was only after the Big Kabang that the work began. In other words, the hair consistently hurt, until one day the pain suddenly went away and the need to adapt to a life absent hurting hair needed to be assimilated by a mind totally conditioned to hurting hair. No?
Tom brings out an important point, there is nothing whatsoever you can do to awaken. You can’t “make it happen”(even though ego will insist you can).
So why do all those ‘practices’ if they are ineffective in awakening? Well, my take on it is that awakening is guaranteed. It is certain and you can’t NOT awaken. I mean, like, why else be ‘born’?!
Therefore, all our practices are simply to attain a sense of peace in this ‘life,’while we wait for what is certain. But then the question is, can those ‘practices’ result in such a peaceful and loving ‘existence’ that our living tends to mimic or imitate the “enlightened state”?
Great discussion!
Thanks,
mike S
mike S’s last blog post..Know Yourself as God Knows
Interesting post and comments. I’ll be looking forward to the “back to basics” posts, Tom – for once I think I actually followed most of the discussion on this post, but that’s unusual. A lot of this goes straight over my head (my hair doesn’t hurt, I just go “rabbit in the headlights” and tell myself I’ll read it again later) so a lot more work on the foundations is required, I think!
Hi
Great post.
As we raise our level of awareness we have moments of awakening, which I believe both the raising and the having constitues the awakening process.
As far as BEing fully awakened that would be an ongoing process to attain that level, but then I’m sure there would be an even higher or fuller level waiting around the corner.
Ilumine Ao,
Al Diaz
http://www.thetitusconcept.com
http://ilumine-ao.blogspot.com
@Barbara You know, even though desire does drop away with awakening, it doesn’t mean that desire doesn’t play some part in awakening. While don’t have to want it, for some reason, it seems to help. So want it. You do anyway.
As for accepting Divine order: I’m not so sure I believe in “Divine order” the way it is usually meant. I love to think of it this way: You don’t have control over your life because there is no YOU to control it. But what you are IS the divine. What you truly are. So, in a certain silly sense everything is in divine order because everything is the divine.
@Mike Well, Ramana “did” something: he lied down and imagined he was dying, then dead. He went completely into the experience of dying. And then the ego in him “died” so to speak.
You are right. There is NOTHING you can do to awaken. But it certainly seems like most of us will plow the field so that the seed can grow. If you get sense inside the meditation would be good to do, do it. If you get a urge to go to retreats, do it. Follow those intuitions, because they are Self pointing you in the direction you need to go. There is nothing you can do, because the “you” that thinks it can do things doesn’t exist!!! But there is a lot you most likely WILL DO. You gotta love it!!
I don’t think the practices help us to mimic the end game because nothing can mimic that. Remember, enlightenment has nothing to do with being peaceful and loving. Those are often the end results. But they are enlightenment.
@Shadowduck I would be happy to do some “back to basics” posts. You know why? Because it is all the basics. The advanced stuff is not the good stuff. The good stuff is kindergarten. Really, I mean that sincerely. Only the basics will help you. The other stuff is just minds yacking.
@Al I have to agree. How can you ever know that you are at the end? Maybe you can. I doubt it. I think you can know that where you WERE is over, but where you will be? And yet, awakening is nothing more than realizing what you really are. Really, really are. That’s it. So, in a sense, you can get to the end of that road if you always, every minute, know what you are. And that is a VERY profound realization when it penetrates to every fiber of your being.
Tom, I loved this discussion. I’m looking forward to reading the thoughts and ideas of your own experiences. I’ve been having and continue to have some amazing things happen to me and to those with whom I share my life since I started my journey a couple months ago. I’m wondering how my experiences compare to others on the path.
You said in a comment above that “We all get sent just the right teacher for our stage of the journey. Or something like that”. I hope your tongue wasn’t too firmly embedded in your cheek. I’d like to think I’m not here by mere coincidence. What’s your take on coincidences?
@Dan I’m glad you are enjoying the discussion! Me, too. I will be sharing more and more as we explore all of this further. As for coincidences: no such thing in my view. Think about it: if all is One, then how can there be a coincidence? One means One. To me, the cause of anything is everything. No room for coincidences. Now, some will want to say, “then it’s all planned!” No, not all planned. Because the question would then me, “by whom?” But remember, there is only the One. Nothing outside of it to do the planning. Just One.
Hi Tom
I agree that Awakening is not tidy and linear. The further along I go, the more I notice how ‘out of sequence’ I’ve been. Many seem to be skipping over a lot of the middle bit. This weekend, I spoke with a woman who is fully awake. She saw the second awakening as her awakening. The first evidently went by unidentified as yet another experience. The second could not be.
Really, awakening is a process of Self opening to Itself. How each person perceives that process varies widely. (Really that’s the whole point – to experience it all in as many ways as possible) We can categorize people as having a more heart oriented or head oriented awakening, as having more or less flash and so forth. But that doesn’t really matter. What really matters is what comes out the other end. What settles in after the dust has cleared and it’s well established.
That’s the part that makes it all worthwhile.
@Annie
I love the hair hurt thing. Well put. That says a lot about the issue – awakening is not about the mind but we are so used to using the mind to ‘figure it all out’ (or at least put things in boxes) that this whole enlightenment thing… MY BRAIN HURTS, as Monty Python would say. SORRY!
As Tom observes, even after the fact it can take a while to sort out for the person involved. But that gets much easier if they can talk to others about it, get some context, and not have to do it solo. That’s not something some of those who forged ahead had. But as there’s more and more stepping through the gate, the network grows.
@Mike
I would agree that there is nothing you as an individual can do to awaken. But as Tom suggests, there are things that Self will want to be done to prepare the ground, prep the vehicle. Finding a way to connect to source allows you to know it when it comes, for example. Makes the shift easier.
It’s also really worth noting that awakening is entirely natural. So it will happen for all of us at some point. But there are things we can do to facilitate it as above. Cooperate with the process, if you will.
One of the surprises of both awakenings is that they feel very normal, once you settle in. We may have all these grandiose ideas about what “enlightenment” will be like. But after the fact, it’s just ordinary.
Of course, ordinary is what we’re used to. Unending bliss is normal. More normal than suffering.
Further to my prior comment, i got this quote today.
“In this path of the Divine as it is the case in any other path of knowledge, the importance of the Master is the greatest. If you get a good Master, it takes you quickly, if not – keep on going slowly, slowly and there is no end to it.”
Of course, it’s also worth noting how they describe the true Guru as Self Itself. The person of the teacher is just the stand-in or vehicle until one can transcend Maya and be the guru within. There are certainly advantages to darshan, being with the teacher in person. But keep in mind that a fully awake person is One. They are present everywhere, in everything. Place and time are no barriers to presence.
@Davidya Yes, all that really matters is that Self is opening to Itself. It will be different for everyone. There is no one specific awakening that happens.
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Thanks for sharing this Adya wisdom with us. It’s good to hear a rough time frame of how long awakening takes once the “spiritual experiences” start to occur. It is somewhat comforting to “me” (whoever I am) to know that it can certainly happen in this lifetime and it very well may. Then again, this body may die before that so it may not. Either way, no attachment to any outcome.
Tom, when did your “spiritual journey” begin?
Ariel
If I may interject, there is a couple of points to know about time frame. For one, the individual does not know what what needs to be “done”. Each of us has a unique set of resistances or barriers to being. The process we will experience and the time it will take varies widely.
That said, there is a lot of what might be called group change taking place. “The quickening” some call it. What once typically took long periods of time in retreats and introspection is now happening more commonly in day to day life. It’s a really good time to put active attention on your spirituality. Those that don’t may find themselves pushed by the group, somewhat unwillingly. That’s not the smoothest route to take. (laughs)
@Ariel Another great question. How about I do a blog post on “when my spiritual journey began?” Short version, 1989, over 19 years ago. More later.
And as Adya is fond of saying, “the only inevitable thing is that everyone will awaken.”
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Thanks for your posts, Tom and everyone else who has posted. I wonder if you would offer your perspective regarding my search for enlightenment and the guidance of a master:
A few years ago I became involved with a spiritual master, a profoundly beneficial and life transformative experience. However, along the way, I seemed to lose the intense desire for freedom that had propelled me along. I became uncomfortable with some of the “cultish” aspects of his organization and eventually decided to leave. At the time I realized, “Not only is this not it, there IS no ‘it.’ Whew! Thank goodness; now I can stop looking for it”. That was a relief, for a while.
Later I came to believe the master was involved in sexual misconduct (not toward me) and felt betrayed. I had already seen other unsavory aspects of his behavior that I couldn’t reconcile with what I can only describe as my energetic experience of him. It has been hard to hold these two aspects, that this master seems to be enlightened and gave me a great gift, and also seems corrupt.
Now, a few years later, underneath the hubbub of my life, I know the awakened state is all there really is, yet I don’t have the wisdom to realize it and don’t want to end up idolizing another master. So I pursue my career, enjoy my significant other, watch TV, take the dog running, but I’m kind of in limbo. Any thoughts?
@Paula Thanks for your comments and your questions. Your story is not unlike that of many people who have been “misled” in some way by a spiritual teacher. Unfortunately, it is common.
I have one piece of “advice” for you and everyone else on the spiritual road. And that is this: be willing to learn anything from anyone, no matter how crazy they may seem or how “off” they may be. BUT, and this is key, remember one inescapable fact of the spiritual journey: YOU are the ultimate authority. Not the guru.
Think about it: when you are sitting on the cushion, who has to “see” through the mental crap? You. When you are faced when a choice, who must appear to make it? You. Always, always, always, the buck stops right where you are sitting. No where else.
As long as you remember that, you cannot surrender yourself to a guru. You can listen to some pretty wacko stuff, learn a bit, and then say, “adios, nut job!” Seriously. But for the most part, stick to the ultra-clean ones like Adyashanti, or the already deceased ones like Nisargadatta. Find like minded, strong people that over time you can trust. Read blogs like my friend Takuin’s (and mine) and you will read some stuff that might resonate with you.
Just keep on the path, keep focused on the real path (knowing who you truly are), and let Life show you the way. I hope that helps. Namaste.