Written on December 2, 2009 by Tom Stine
I strongly urge all of you to read Who Hears This Sound? Adyashanti On Waking Up From The Dream Of “Me” published a few years ago in The Sun magazine. Someone sent me a link to the article, and I found it to be one of the best and clearest presentations of Adyashanti’s teachings I’ve ever read. It is often hard to find succinct versions of a teacher’s ideas and thoughts, but the interviewer did a nice job of bringing greater clarity to an already fairly clear teaching. That’s one of the reasons I like Adya so much: he is extraordinarily clear for an awake guy.
Here are a few excerpts to read now to whet your appetite for the rather long and extensive interview:
Awakening is when you realize that what you thought you were was nothing more than a dream, and you perceive the reality outside the dream, what’s dreaming the dream of you. It’s not just a mystical experience. It is actually realizing the underlying unity of all things.
Simply because you’ve had an awakening, however, does not mean you stay awake. Enlightenment, in simple terms, is when you stay awake. If the awakening is abiding, that’s enlightenment. And most awakenings are not abiding — at least, not initially.
Enlightenment has nothing to do with the head or the heart. Certainly, the head and the heart tend to open up, but that’s a byproduct. Enlightenment is actually waking up from the head and from the heart. It’s waking up from the dream of “me” and seeing the oneness of all things. That’s what I mean by “reality”: that oneness. The truth is that you are that unity. You are not simply a particular person in a particular body with a particular personality; you are that one reality, which manifests itself as all these seemingly separate things.
Spiritual awakening doesn’t happen because you master some spiritual technique. There are lots of skillful meditators who are not awake. Awakening happens when you stop bullshitting yourself into continual nonawakening. It’s very easy to use disciplines to avoid reality rather than to encounter it. A true spirituality will have you continually facing your illusions and all the ways you avoid reality. Spiritual practice may be an important means of confronting yourself, or it may be a means of avoiding yourself; it all depends on your attitude and intention.
So life became my practice, and mistakes became my teacher. And once again I experienced failure after failure. It was humbling, even humiliating. I put myself in situations where my self-image would get crushed. Looking back I could easily say, “Boy, I made a lot of dumb mistakes.” But I needed to do it that way. I wasn’t going to let go of those identities on the meditation cushion. It would have been nice if it could have been contained in this safe environment — bowing and meditating and meeting with the teacher — but it often doesn’t work that way. Spirituality is much more of a bloody mess than we like to admit.
Excellent interview. It is Adyashanti at his best. Again, the link is:
Who Hears This Sound? Adyashanti On Waking Up From The Dream Of “Me”
Enjoy. Namaste.
Written on September 16, 2009 by Tom Stine
When I have time, I love to respond to my reader’s questions. I want to share a few recent emails I’ve exchanged with someone:
Reader:
Hello Tom,
Can I ask you a question? In your recent posting of your tweets, you said:
No matter what I write down, it isn’t true. No matter what I think, it isn’t true.
Adya also said the same thing in his book. This sentence basically contradicts itself. But I think maybe you are saying it is not “completely” true. Or you have a better elaboration?
My response:
Yes, the sentence does contradict itself. Unfortunately, I’m in the same boat as Adya or any other spiritual teacher, it’s just that I’m way too honest about this stuff (and so is Adya). EVERYTHING that is said with words is inherently untrue. It is a derived thing. The most obvious example, one that Adya uses a lot, is this: if you are thirsty, which do you want to drink? Real water, H20, or the word “water”? The word water refers to the real stuff. So, the word water is not real, it has no substance. It always refers to something else.
In this awakening business, you are always endeavoring to get to the truth of what you are. What we have all done for most of our lives is believe that the THOUGHTS we have about ourselves are what we are. And that is not true. We endeavor to always get to the heart of what we are looking at, the “truth” of it.
So, the word “I” is not what I am. Even if I observe this body and the sensations I “feel” from it, I can go further and see that this is not me. What am I? Ah, that cannot be answered in words. It can only be known.
The best that any spiritual teacher can do is use words to point you in the direction of truth. Period. We are using falsehoods, or derived things, thoughts and words, to point at truth. Or, as Ramana used to say, we have fallen into a thorn bush and are now covered in thorns. We then take one of the thorns and use it to pick out all the other thorns. Then we throw the last thorn away! His particular thorn is what he called “the I thought.” Discover that the “I” thought is not you was Ramana’s entire teaching.
I hope the above helps! Namaste…. Tom
My reader responds:
Your explanation is very helpful! But I still have some questions, so please bear with me. Basically nothing is describable by words. Words are just labels. Water can not be adequately described by words. For those who never know water, reading the wiki page about its attributes doesn’t help any. If there is a cup of water in front of me and I say “this is water” to those who know what real water is and agree to use the word “water” as its label, then the statement “This is water” must be a true statement. If this is correct, then what you said about thoughts and words is not completely correct. Spiritual teachers run into the same dilemma when trying to use words describe ultimate reality to people who don’t have direct experience. Oneness, Emptiness, Everythingness and etc after all only add more confusion and make them go nowhere. So I think what you said only can be confined to when talking about ultimate reality.
And my last reply:
I want to focus on two things you said. First:
If there is a cup of water in front of me and I say ‘this is water’ to those who know what real water is and agree to use the word ‘water’ as its label, then the statement ‘This is water’ must be a true statement.
What I would say is that “this is water” is as close to truth as a STATEMENT can get. The key is that statements are never correct. They are always an approximation to truth. Always. They are still never the truth. When you point at the water and say “this is water” it is still THE WATER ITSELF that has the truth in it. Not the words. Make sense?
Because, as you pointed out, we AGREE to use the word WATER as a LABEL for the stuff in the cup. Notice the chain of events: we create a word, water, and agree to use it to describe something.
Why so picky about this? Because human beings walk around believing that the words they hear in their head are real things. And worst of all, they believe that the word “I” means something real, meaningful, important. They think they ARE the word “I” and the thousands upon thousands of associations they have attached to that word: I am a man, I am good, I am miserable, I am happy, I am a great lover, I have an ugly body, etc. I, I, I.
And what is the truth? There is no I. Period. You are not a word, a thought, a belief, an idea. You aren’t anything. Hence, we say, you are nothingness. There is no “I” no matter how many words you attach to it.
FYI, Eckhart Tolle does a pretty nice job of dissecting “I” in A New Earth. He calls it ego, but same thing.
The second thing you mentioned that I want to focus upon:
Spiritual teachers run into the same dilemma when trying to use words to describe ultimate reality to people who don’t have direct experience. Oneness, Emptiness, Everythingness and etc after all only add more confusion and make them go nowhere. So I think what you said only can be confined to when talking about ultimate reality.
Ah, but here’s the bigger problem: even the water you see in the cup isn’t water in the cup. It is, to use your words, Ultimate Reality. Right there in the cup. So is the cup. Water is not only a label for the real thing, water, the actual physical water, H2O, can be seen as a “label” for what it really is….. NOTHINGNESS appearing as form.
It’s a bitch describing this stuff, but there you go. You do the best you can, and that’s what you get.
Let’s keep it simple: stick with something like paying attention to awareness. Just pay attention to it. Focus on it. Look at it. Ponder it. Inquire about it. If you go to Adyashanti’s website, he’s done a lot of satsangs in the past year where he discusses this a bunch. Get a few of them and listen. If I remember correctly, there was one entitled “Rest as Awareness” that was quite good.
Nisargadatta sat for 3 years with “the feeling of being” and simply sat and looked at it every which way until he was done. Whatever arose, he would look at it and inquire about it and see how it fit into the “feeling of being” and keep going and going. Honestly, it’s a process of exhaustion more than anything. That’s why the Buddha called it Nirvana. The word simply means cessation. You simply exhaust the tendency to go unconscious by sitting with what arises. It really is that simply. Hard to do, I admit, but really is that simply.
I hope all the above helps. Namaste.
Written on February 9, 2009 by Tom Stine
I finished another 5 day silent retreat with Adyashanti on Friday, and from that retreat came something new: an intense desire to see everything clearly. I want to know, really know, what is real. Clear seeing seems, at this point in my journey, to be the most important thing in the Universe. Nothing matters but the clarity of my vision.
What do I mean by clear seeing? That’s kind of hard to describe. At this point, the best I can do is say that clear seeing is perceiving the world, life, self, everything, with the purest of sight. Only what is true seems to matter. Anything that I don’t know for absolute certainty must go. Basically, all beliefs are not wanting to be believed. Clear seeing appears to be freedom.
I’ll have more to say about my retreat, my experiences, this blog, you name it, in the near future. For now, I wanted to share the above as I sit here at San Jose International Airport enjoying American Airlines postponing my flight. Ain’t life a trip? Seriously, it’s a blast.
Be well, my friends. More soon. Namaste.
Written on January 29, 2009 by Tom Stine
Howdy Gang!
I’m heading off to California for another 5 day silent retreat with Adyashanti. I’m going less because of Adya and more for the 5 days of SILENCE! It is so nice to give that gift to myself every now and then. Don’t get me wrong, though, I love Adya. He is fun to hang with for 5 days. Maybe I’ll have something to share when I return.
In other news, Tina Su over at Think Simple Now has written a wonderful article entitled How to Get Over Breakups in which she quotes yours truly. The article would have been a good one without my words of wisdom, but with me, well….. Mon Dieu! Fantastique! 
Seriously give Tina’s article a read. She’s done a very nice job.
Later, gators. See you soon. Namaste.
Written on October 22, 2008 by Tom Stine
All of our thoughts are conditioned. We all are thinking exactly along the lines we are conditioned to think. Programmed like a computer. Anybody who thinks they are actually choosing of their own free will the line of thinking that they have is completely deluded by their thinking.
Written on July 25, 2008 by Tom Stine
Larry Melton
I had the pleasure of interviewing a wonderful spiritual teacher, Larry Melton, who lives and teaches in Davis, California. Larry was a student of Adyashanti’s for a few years, and then after he experienced a profound spiritual awakening, he was asked by Adya to teach.
Our conversation is focused primarily on Larry’s experience of spiritual awakening, how that developed over the years he spent in spirituality, and what all of that has meant for his life. We also discussed awakening quite a bit, and it was fascinating to hear Larry’s perspectives and insights. I think you will agree. So click play below to listen now, or download the mp3 and take it with you on your iPod.
Larry Melton Interview with Tom Stine [86:31m]:
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I know from my prior experience with videos that some of you may prefer to read rather than watch or listen. To accommodate everyone, I’ve had a transcript made of this interview. You can obtain the transcript by subscribing for free to my newsletter, Living from Consciousness. Enter your email address in the sign-up box to the right, and you will receive an email with instructions for downloading the transcript. Current subscribers will be receiving an email, too, with instructions for downloading.
I like to provide my subscribers with unique content not found here on the website, and this transcript is simply my way of saying thanks to my subscribers. Remember, the newsletter is free, and I respect your inbox and your privacy (but you knew that, right?).
Written on July 18, 2008 by Tom Stine
In my last article, I shared some ideas about the proverbial “enlightened guy.” As I mentioned, I prefer the term awakening as it has a little less historical baggage associated with it, but no matter, I think we all know at least something about the subject, no matter what we call it. As spiritual awakening is one of the primary topics of this site, I thought it would be good to have some more discussion about it. And interestingly, Adyashanti provided just what I needed.
Here is an excerpt from a satsang Adyashanti did at the April 2008 silent retreat of his that I attended. I’ll let him do the talking, then I will offer a few comments:
There’s awakening and then there’s awakening, isn’t there? There’s a moment that we can call an awakening moment… An awakening moment isn’t any old spiritual experience. As a matter of fact, it’s almost none of the spiritual experiences that we’re told that it is. But there can be a moment of awakening.
So there’s a moment of awakening, and then there’s actually being awake. And very often the moment of awakening, actually, it’s significant in the sense that something has fundamentally shifted, that you can’t go back on, even though you might re-delude yourself and lose sight of it and start a whole long process of struggling and then trying to maintain it. And all that stuff.
But ultimately something at the seat of consciousness has fundamentally shifted. Then there is the other awakening. It’s the other awakening that sort of is the process of awakening, which is that thing where it starts to dissolve the spiritual ego, dissolve the “me,” dissolve all those things that you immediately apprehend in the moment of awakening but doesn’t necessarily mean you are going to be living it a year later.
Then there is this dissolving away of all that which divides. And that for most people takes quite a bit of time. That’s the honest truth. Very few people are going to have, “Ah ha! Alleluia!” The lights turned on. And the lights are just going to stay turned on. Every now and then it happens, but usually it’s like, “Okay, now the other thing’s going to happen, and it’s going to be called the dissolving of you.”
Even though you’ve seen in that moment that there is no you, nonetheless the dissolving of you has now begun in earnest and you can expect it to continue in ways and to a depth that you never imagined. And that’s basically what it’s about.
And once that process has started, it doesn’t really need your help. It just can use you not hindering it. The “me” can’t help it along, but the “me” sure can kind of slow the whole thing down.
So, if we follow Adyashanti’s discussion, there is a moment of awakening, when what you are sees, truly sees itself for what it is. The illusion of a separate self disappears for a time, and you know yourself as One. Sometimes, this can be referred to as a “parting of the veil” of illusion.
But then, for most people, the process of awakening begins. Whatever parts of the “me” that are still hanging around, getting in the way of seeing Oneness in all places and in all moments, these parts will, seemingly over time, be dissolved. And, contrary to popular belief, this dissolving can be a process that takes years. Adyashanti has commented in other places that he has seen in take typically 3-15 years for most people.
Should we be surprised by the fact that there is awakening and then a process of awakening? Not really. For most people, that’s just the way it is. In the Zen tradition, the Sandokai says, “To encounter the Absolute is not yet Enlightenment.” Same basic idea. The veil parts, but then more is seen through over time. To be certain, this process has been my experience.
And yet. And yet, is that even true? While it may appear that a process is occurring, it also seems, to those who reach the endpoint of this process, as if the process never occurred. That which is awake is awake, now, forever, always. How can it ever be asleep, for it is the fount from which springs everything of form? I’m sorry to say it, because it can sound to the mind like I’m hedging, but awakening is filled with paradoxes. No way around it.
Of course, I will have more to say on the subject of spiritual awakening in future articles. I look forward to your comments! Namaste.
Written on June 22, 2008 by Tom Stine
Greetings from Sedona, Arizona. It is beautiful, it is hot, the hiking is superb and the food excellent. Yes, I am here to attend a 9 day Sedona Method retreat, but being in Sedona is part of the experience. I came early this time, so I had a day and a half to enjoy this marvelous town. I’ve been to Sedona 14 times in 12 years, both for retreats and pleasure. One of my favorite places in the world.
Last night the retreat began. The supposedly “advanced” 9 day retreat is a mixture of Advaita-style non-duality teachings (think Nisargadatta Maharaj and Adyashanti) with a touch of personal development and a pinch of basic Sedona Method. It is very different, though, from what other teachers do for a non-dual type retreat in that our “guru” for the 9 days, Hale Dwoskin, actively yet gentle engages people directly to see past their limited sense of self or “me-ness” as he would say.
It was very obvious that for a lot of people in the audience (160 attendees, by the way), these ideas, while not complete new, were a bit difficult to understand. Hale’s intro left a lot of people scratching their heads. Even those of us who knew all about it were forced to wonder. As my friend Kerry put it, “Even though I did this same retreat 15 months ago, I am still wondering what we are going to be doing here for 9 days.”
This bit of confusion was not due to a lack of communication on Hale’s part or understanding on ours. It simply stemed from the fact that these teachings are perplexing to the mind. They are teachings for that which we truly are which is beyond the mind, beyond thought, beyond the ability to conceptualize with words.
Think about it (if you dare): what you are is not your mind, not your body, not any concept, not any idea. Even the words I’m about to use to describe it aren’t it and don’t even come close. Words like awareness, consciousness, spirit, Life, these are merely pointers to the Truth. But not the truth.
The implications of these ideas are astounding:
- Your self, the person you think of when you say “I” is not who your are.
- Your problems, while seemingly real, are not problems. They are just thoughts about the experiences you had, in the past, but having little to do with right now.
- Your thoughts are just stories about the past, even if it is the very immediate past
- Your stories about your life simply are not true. They are just the inventions of the mind.
I know some of the above may sound crazy to some of you, but further investigation reveals that these are more accurate representations of the way things are than most of what we believe. I invite you to investigate them for yourself.
These retreats are quite different from what you find in the Sedona Method audio course and book, as well as the normal 7 day retreat. But they are equally helpful in letting go of problems. Actually, more so, simply because they help you to see beyond all problems. They offer the possibility of a true ending to the issues that have plagued you for a lifetime.
As I mentioned, I will try to post daily during the retreat. I hope to be speaking with you tomorrow. Namaste.
Written on April 30, 2008 by Tom Stine
Get 20 “enlightened beings,” 20 of the greatest avatars that ever walked the earth and put them together. The most enlightened avatars from the whole of humanity, get 20 of them in the same room, and start asking them about the thoughts in their heads. And they’re not going to agree. Because that’s not where the Oneness is. That’s not what’s unifying. It’s only if you get down to the fundamental nature of being. Then there could be agreement.
Written on April 28, 2008 by Tom Stine
I finished my second 5 day retreat with Adyashanti last Friday, and I’d like to share with you my experience once again. I will follow the same basic format as the last report, so have fun doing a comparison between the two.
Purpose of the Retreat
As I mentioned in my last retreat report, the purpose of the retreat was to deepen one’s experience of Truth, to experience a true opening or moment of pure awareness, and to possibly experience an abiding awakening. Adyashanti is a big proponent of “awakening in this lifetime, if not now.”
Adyashanti
A middle class guy, he used to work as a machinist before he started the spiritual teacher gig. Serious student of Zen for 15 years. A talented speaker and teacher. A guy who likes playing poker. All these are descriptions of Adyashanti. And while I could list 20 more, none of them would even come close to explaining to you what he is like.
I was born a skeptic. I used to be quite judgmental, especially of what I would have called 20 years ago “that religious crap.” My mom taught me from a young age how to find fault in anything (God bless you, Mom!). While it is true that I have changed over the years, quite radically to be sure, I would like to think I’m probably somewhat immune to the whole guru-disciple relationship, or at least extremely uninterested in it. I’m still a touch skeptical.
And guess what? Adya has setup his teaching and organization to make something like that almost impossible. No ashram, no worshipping the guru, none of that. A very welcome change in the spiritual world. A model for others to emulate in my opinion.
This retreat was Adya’s first since returning to teaching after a 3 month absence due to illness. He was in rare form. He was funny, energized, extremely approachable during satsang, vibrant, alive. He was all of these things last December, to be sure, but this retreat everything was double. His time away served him well. He had 350 people laughing, deeply moved, and experiencing Presence.
Silence
The silence at this retreat was SILENCE. It was huge, palpable, intense at times. Alive and vibrant. I entered the retreat in a very different place than the last one, so this time I had a much deeper and richer experience of the true nature of Silence.
Indeed, it was a silent retreat in the conventional sense, which meant no communication of any sort from Sunday evening until Friday at 11:00 am. I love the silence. Very, very good for one’s soul (well, that is if one actually had a soul).
People
How could the people be any more wonderful? There were older women with long gray hair and “earthy” clothing. Young guys with shaved heads. Beautiful women to give the mind something to fixate upon. Ugly old guys with big bellies eating 2 or 3 desserts at dinner. There was no one type or even close.
The silence at this retreat was SILENCE. It was huge, palpable, intense at times. Alive and vibrant.
And then there was the star of the last evening’s satsang, the 12 Step Lady. She wasn’t trying to be funny, but her story, her demeanor, her comments, you name it, had everyone laughing uproariously. She could do stand-up. I can’t wait to get the recording of the retreat just to hear her again.
Finally, as there were a number of us from out of state, we got the experience of sharing a 10 passenger van for a 2 hour trip from San Jose International Airport to Monterey. What a great group who rode down and back together. We met for dinner after the retreat at a lovely Indian restaurant in San Jose. We came from Milwaukee, West Palm Beach, Charlottesville, VA, Barrington, RI, Chicago and of course Ozark, MO (yours truly). Blessings to all of you.
Schedule
Same as before. Meditate for 40 minutes at 7:30 a.m., breakfast, satsang with Adya from 10 a.m.-12 p.m., lunch, 3 meditations of 40 minutes each with 30 minute breaks in the afternoon, rest period, dinner, satsang with Adya from 7-8:45 p.m., final meditation, lights out at 10:00 p.m. We had 5 meditations for a total of over 3 hours of sitting each day. I often skipped 2 of the afternoon meditations because my back was killing me sitting in the meditation hall. I would go sit in one of the many funky old buildings, in a comfy chair in front of the fireplace and meditate or take a walk on the beach. Those times were amazing, lots of great moments sitting in silence watching the processes of my mind.
How I Spent My Days
I got up, meditated, ate, walked on the beach, sat, listened to Adya, slept at night. I did nothing else. No computer, no phone, no conversation. Just hours and hours of meditating and contemplating and sitting.
This retreat was a bit unique because I shared a room with a good friend of mine. And we spent 5 days actively ignoring each other! I tried my best to not look at him because the temptation to slap him on the back or crack a joke was high at times. He reported after the retreat that he had to consciously ignore me, too. It was great to talk with him afterwards, though, and compare experiences. He loved the retreat, too.
Location
Asilomar, you get better each time! The former YWCA camp turned conference center is right on the beach, and this time I couldn’t spend enough time walking down to Pebble Beach and listening to the sound of the surf. Between the beach, the incredible staff who skillfully accommodated 350 silent people, the good food and the funky old buildings, well, it is a perfect location for a retreat.
My Experience This Time Around
I will confess that I went to the retreat with a bit of a theme. I’ve learned over time that expectations can often be less than helpful, but fortunately for me, they did not get in the way. In a certain sense, I really didn’t have an expectation. More of a push in a certain direction. No matter; my bit of theme for the retreat was to deepen my experience of oneness. And, interestingly, I did.
From the moment I got on the shuttle from the airport I started experiencing reinforcement of a framework that I’ve found useful for looking at awakening. I first learned of this framework from Adyashanti, in fact, but I’ve run across it in other places. It is best seen in the following statement from Nisargadatta Maharaj:
When I look within and see that I am nothing,
that is wisdom.
When I look without and see that I am everything,
that is love.
And between these two, my life turns.
I will write an article at some point concerning my experiences with awakening, but suffice it to say that in this framework, I’ve looked within and seen that I am nothing. And so I wanted to go beyond what had been my limited tastes of oneness, of everything-ness. Well, I really shouldn’t say “I wanted to go beyond” but, well, you get the idea. There was something pulling me in that direction.
So, when I got on the shuttle, a woman I met had returned recently from India where she had spent 3 weeks at Oneness University. A long discussion ensued, naturally. When I mentioned a bit about my interest in oneness, she recommended a book to me by Arjuna Ardagh entitled Awakening to Oneness (you know I will buy it and read it, right?). And on and on it goes, oneness, oneness, oneness just flowing out of people’s mouths, Adya’s guided meditations, you name it.
When I look within and see that I am nothing, that is wisdom.
When I look without and see that I am everything, that is love.
And between these two, my life turns.
I dialogued with Adya on the first full day about some recent experiences I have had, and also on this theme of oneness, and he told me what I knew to be the case already: just let it happen. Story of my life (and yours, too, if you must know the truth). Just let it happen. It is inevitable. It is the way of all things. And so, something within me relaxed, and I started having the most sublime experiences of unity with people, things, feelings, locations, you name it. I simply let go, relaxed, and went with the fact that there is no difference between me and anything else other than what my thoughts say. And they are not true. Ever.
I’ve had various discussions about thoughts with others on the path, and my experience at this retreat reinforced a viewpoint (or more appropriately, a knowingness) I have been taking more and more. And that is that all thoughts are untrue. Even the ones that have a semblance of truth, such as 2+2=4, are still not true. Oh, sure, 2+2=4 is useful, but even a “law” of nature could change tomorrow.
Everything in the world of form changes, or at the very least can change. If you ask me, “Will 2 plus 2 equal 4 tomorrow?” in all honesty I have to answer “I don’t know.” How can I know? The future is always The Unknown. As I begin to see things more clearly, it appears to me that there is only one Truth not many, and this one Truth is beyond all words (although it is a lot of fun to attempt to discuss it with words). All else is supposition, believe, mind stuff. And thoroughly untrue. Even this viewpoint (see, lots of fun!).
Bowing
Of course, I could go on and on with my experiences, but I will leave you with one curious thing that happened that has been a joyous relief to me. I live in a part of the US that is not the hippest place to be. We are a middle class, Midwestern place with strong Christian values. Folks like me are not that common. We also lack a strong professional class, and since Missouri State University is here, we have tons of middle class college kids running around. I hope I’m painting a fair and accurate picture. You probably can envision the place, right?
Given all the above, and given that I work at home, it is not that easy to meet “like minded people” where I live. In California, it’s like shooting fish in a barrel, but here, it is more like trying to catch a fish in a toxic lake. That has frustrated me over the years. I have lots of friends whom I love dearly, but I have longed to meet “my people.”
Well, guess what? Everyone is my people. And I learned this fact from a very simple action: bowing. Adyashanti spent 15 years studying Zen before he experienced his final awakening, so he flavors his retreats with a bit of Zen. And one of those flavorings is bowing. At the beginning of each meditation, we are encouraged to bow to our chairs, partly as a way to break the attachment to the “guru” up front by humbling oneself before an inanimate object that is just as “holy” as the holy man up front. Also, bowing to our chair is paying respect to our seat, the place where we will be supported (literally) in our meditations. In addition, we bowed twice at the end of every meditation.
I really got into the bowing on this retreat, and the thought came to me to bow to people whenever I was experiencing any sort of dissonance in their presence. It is amazing the feelings and thoughts that get generated even when people say absolutely nothing to you. Their gestures, their clothes, their jewelry, their hair(!) you name it, all can provoke reactions. But when I bowed, all reaction evaporated. I simply fell silent from the humble action of bowing in humility to what outwardly appears to be another person, but who in truth is the same as what I am.
Inwardly I started to experience a sense of “and them, too” as I bowed. They rarely if ever noticed my little bow, but I did. The sense of oneness grew deeper and deeper from doing so. And now that I’m at home, I’m still bowing. Bowing to the cashier at the grocery store, the farmer driving his truck way too slowly, my son, my ex, everyone I meet. What a blessing! People are so amazingly beautiful when you bow to them.
So you can see that this retreat was Tom’s Oneness Retreat. How nice, wouldn’t you say? That was the essence of everything that occurred for and to me. And I keep on bowing.
The $64,000 Question Yet Again: Did Tom awaken?
I asked this question at the end of the the last retreat report because several people at that retreat had said that they “came to the retreat hoping to awaken.” I gave a nice little answer to the question in the previous report, which was a good one for me at that time. But now, I have a different one:
What a silly question!
A better answer than that will be forthcoming. I need a few more days to sit and reflect and, well, be silent some more. But now I am seeing the question as completely irrelevant and, in point of fact, misguided. That would explain why those who go to retreats such as these hoping to awaken are most often disappointed.
But fortunately for me, I was not disappointed. I’m glad I went. Exceptionally glad. Your thoughts and comments are most welcome.
