The Tao That Can Be Followed Is Not the Eternal Tao – Lao Tzu

Written on May 9, 2008 by Tom Stine

The Tao that can be followed is not the eternal Tao.
The name that can be named is not the eternal name.
The nameless is the origin of heaven and earth
While naming is the origin of the myriad things.
Therefore, always desireless, you see the mystery
Ever desiring, you see the manifestations.
These two are the same—
When they appear they are named differently.

This sameness is the mystery,
Mystery within mystery;

The door to all marvels.

—Lao Tzu

credit: watchsmart

Desire, Part 2: Is Desire a Bad Thing?

Written on March 20, 2008 by Tom Stine

credit: digiart2001

In my last article, Desire, Part 1: The Agony of Lack, I discussed how desire often creates agony, primarily because, as I saw it at the time I originally wrote that article a year ago, desire comes from a place of feeling empty, of lacking, of feeling an emptiness that we want to fill. I would like to go much further in this article, and I will begin with a reader’s comment that got the ball rolling on the subject of desire. It sparked a mini-debate that spurred me into thinking more about it.

So, let me begin with my reader’s comment:

I notice that the Sedona Method, in its sidebar ad, promises that you will “have all that you desire” if you follow it.

I’d like to call your attention to a posting I got this morning from Tricycle’s Daily Dharma: “When we contemplate suffering, we find we are contemplating desire, because suffering and desire are the same thing.” So, in Buddhist teaching, this “coaching” will increase suffering.

Any remarks?

What Is a Desire?

First, let’s look at what desire is. A desire is a feeling. Although in spiritual discussions it seems to be a much more potent force, when you boil it down to its essence, it is merely an experience of thought or belief in the body, and in every day language, that is a feeling. It is a feeling no different from fear, anger or sadness. It is the sensations that we experience in our bodies that gives all feelings their power. They aren’t merely thoughts that run through our minds but strong sensations running through or chest, gut, arms, legs, back and other body parts.

So, given that a desire is a feeling, it is therefore an experience that we have. In and of itself, a desire is really no big deal. Just like fear or anger or sadness is really no big deal as long as it is simply an experience. Think about it: have you ever been at a movie, one where you’ve really gotten into the story, and then something happens to a character and you strongly feel something? The main character gets dumped by her boyfriend, or finds his long-lost love, and a huge up-welling of feeling arises, such as sadness or joy. And there you are, crying, or smiling with joy, or scared silly, all because you are experiencing a reaction to the character on the screen.

For our discussion, this reaction is no big deal, has no real import at all, because it is just a feeling, and when the movie is over, the feeling ends. So, the bottom line is simply that experiencing a feeling is in and of itself no big deal. And therefore, the same should be true of a desire.

Desires Seem Big in Our Lives

But when you and I experience a feeling in every day life, or in specific the feeling called desire, the result is often a big deal. Not only do we experience the feeling or desire, but we become wrapped-up in it and start to suffer from it. Why? Because the feeling or desire isn’t connected with some make believe character on the screen, but instead is about you and me. It is personal. In effect, we have identified ourselves with the desire, we make it not only our own but literally us. It becomes a focus for who and what we are.

credit: Carol Mitchell

And it is this identification that is at the core of the problem of desire, the one the Buddha and Buddhists for centuries have been pointing toward. Identification is what the Buddhists mean by attachment to a desire or things. We attach and they become who we are. And this false identity, this belief in a separate self, is the cause of suffering. As a Buddhist teacher said, summarizing the Buddha’s teachings, “No self, no problem.”

I suspect that many Buddhists, including some important writers and teachers over the years, have missed this distinction. They have focused on the desires themselves and have attempted to do away with them. But desires can and do arise, at least in those of us who have not had the final realization. As a matter of fact, we have no more control over desires arising than we have over any other thought or feeling. We have no control at all. It becomes apparent, after spending any amount of time struggling with desires themselves, that it is pointless to try to suppress them.

Desires arise less and less the more we remove our identity from them. The state of freedom of desire is an end state, a by-product of awakening. It is not a path to awakening. When we suppress or deny the desires that arise, we give them strength because we are in effect declaring them real, important, meaningful. The far better approach is to let them arise, allow them their 15 minutes of fame in our consciousness, and then move on. They are simply feelings, and they will rise and fade if allowed to do so.

The Sedona Method and Desires

So how does this relate to The Sedona Method? The Sedona Method is a technique that at its core allows feelings to arise and then naturally release or be let go. It is a process that makes this natural flow conscious. And it works. It acknowledges that feelings are just feelings, that desires are just desires. In they come, out they go.

If a desire is persistent, if it sticks around, the Sedona Method offers techniques for working with those desires so that they are satisfied by changes in our outer circumstances. For instance, if a desire arises to earn more money, and after a bit of releasing work that desire still persists, then it can be worked with in a way that is honoring of our experience. Instead of fighting, we follow the lead of these persistent desires (assuming, of course, that they aren’t destructive to ourselves and others, but that is a whole other topic).

Let’s face it, we have no idea where our desires are ultimately arising from, so who are we to say that we should not honor ones that are persistent? Maybe they are the divine knocking at our door, helping us to see areas of our lives that we have been suppressing or hiding from.

I’ve read instances of people who experienced a dramatic realization of the truth only after they got out of their spiritual beliefs and honored their persistent longings and desires. Some have gone out and found a romantic partner, some left the monastery and got a job, and others started exercising or even, horror of horrors, started eating meat! They honored the feelings arising in them, gave that energy its due, and allowed themselves to act upon them. And the result was a complete harmony with the Truth of their being, an awakening.

Moreover, another result of working on desires with the Sedona Method is that they inevitably change over time. I will admit, when I first worked with the Method, and looked at my desires with regard to money, I was definitely in the “make a million dollars” camp. As time has gone on, I’ve seen through that desire to what lies underneath: a desire for security and safety, for freedom to do as I please in the world.

As I have worked with these desires, I’ve ended up finding the work I enjoy doing most in the world, I’ve become more productive and helpful, and I’ve benefitted financially. And more importantly, these desires have faded and given way to a great sense of peace and knowing that all is well.

Spirituality and Marketing

Okay, now that I’ve given what I hope is a reasonable answer to my reader’s question, I will share one final thought on the subject of The Sedona Method, as well as all spiritually oriented systems of personal growth. So, let’s talk about marketing.

Like many spiritual types, I have had my share of difficulties with marketing and spirituality. While I’m perfectly fine with shiny, hype filled ads for Coca-Cola, iPods and Porsches, I have in the past had a real problem with marketing of anything connected with spirituality. When I first encountered the Sedona Method, for instance, my first thought was “what utter bullshit!”

But something brought me back to it, and I eventually started using it, and as time went on, I was cured of my distaste. Sure, a cynic could point out that I was cured because I started making money from the Sedona Method, but in the beginning, that was definitely not the case. No, to be honest, I started making money from it after I let the distaste go. For just like everything else, I had developed a set of beliefs around spirituality, and feelings attached to those beliefs, that when honestly looked at and released, faded into the ether. I was reacting to nothing, and now I see no objection to saying, “The Sedona Method can help you financially, help you with your relationships, and help you have all that you desire.” Of course, I would say the same thing about Buddhism, believe it or not. Not very “Buddhist,” but true nonetheless.

I invite more comments on this topic. It is a good one, and I would be happy to read your thoughts and opinions.

Desires, Part 1: The Agony of Lack

Written on March 17, 2008 by Tom Stine

Recently, two readers left some comments on my article Sedona Method Coaching concerning the subject of desire. I’m writing a long response to their comments, but while putting together my thoughts, I remembered an article I had written a year ago for my old blog. I think much of what I wrote fits with my thinking today, so I wanted to re-print it here. Enjoy!

Wanting hurts. I really don’t know of any other way to describe it. As time has passed, and as I have journeyed down the road of getting more in touch with my feelings, releasing them, and experiencing the tastes of inner joy, I have become more acutely aware of desire, of wanting. I don’t think the desires and wants have grown stronger; rather, I have become more attuned to how they feel. They are beginning to feel like a thorn that is sticking in my hand, always promising that if I will simply pay attention carefully, I might be able to see the rose to which the thorn is attached.

Lester Levenson, the creator of The Sedona Method, described a desire as “a disturbance of one’s natural, inherent inner peace.” I can relate to that. The thorn is an on again, off again irritant, one that disturbs my peace of mind. When I want something, there is a feeling of tension in my chest, a feeling of anxiousness in my body. I feel as if I must get-up now and do something about it. Ever get a craving for chocolate? Then you know exactly what I mean. That is the feeling.

But is there a rose attached to the thorn? In other words, does the attainment of what I desire ever really satisfy? If I get the object of my desire, do I experience peace? My experience is both yes and no. Let me use an example. Sometimes after dinner, like most of us, I will feel a craving, a desire for something sweet. My stomach can be mostly full from even the best of meals, and yet there is that craving, that gnawing desire to have something sweet. It is almost as if my taste buds are on fire. And so, I will occasionally order the dessert, or get out the chocolate (70% dark, organic, thank you!), or even attack the cinnamon graham crackers.

In the moment of satisfying the desire, I will feel a certain sense of satisfaction. My taste buds will calm down, the pleasure centers of brain will be humming along happily. There is a certain dark satisfaction even in having given in to my body’s command. And so, for a moment, all is well. Yet, even as I am eating, I am aware of something tickling the back of my mind. Something saying to me that somehow, some way, the chocolate or the dessert isn’t really satisfying me.

This feeling has been growing lately. This doubt that getting the object of my desire will result in my happiness is getting stronger. For, as you have experienced, too, within minutes, if not hours, of attaining this coveted thing, I find that I am right back where I was. Still wanting something. Still feeling a lack. Lester would describe my situation as follows: “As long as we desire, we lack, and are trapped in the world of limitation. Desire is the great enemy of constant joy.” Yes, that is how I so often feel.

So, what to do? It appears to be difficult to drop all desire, just like that, and yet the prospect of suppressing desires seems worse than the desires themselves. Denial is just another form of pain and suffering. In my experience, I think Lester has the right approach: “Enjoying with attachment is enjoying with pain and longing, a hunger. Enjoying without attachment is enjoying freely and creating no bondage.” Enjoying without attachment, to me, would seem to mean releasing the attachment, releasing the desire, releasing that feeling of lack that creates the sense of pain. And then after the lack is released, we can move forward in action and simply do while enjoying. By releasing and then allowing action to simply happen, we are moving in the direction of allowing our true pleasure, our true nature to shine forth as the bliss that we are and can experience.

There is an easy Sedona Method exercise for helping with this process. All you have to do is get in touch with whatever it is you desire, and allow yourself to feel the lack, the craving, the wanting. Then, ask yourself whether that is coming from wanting approval, control, security, separation or oneness. Release whichever want comes up. And then, ask yourself if you could allow for the possibility of having as opposed to wanting. Could you allow yourself to be free of the desire and simply have whatever you are to have? This exercise is very freeing, and quickly calms the agony of lack.

No matter what the desire, whether it is for money, a new car, more and better sex, a healthy body, or a great relationship, moving out of this space of lacking into the space of having, or better yet allowing yourself to have creates a tremendous amount of freedom. This simple technique can be used in the moment with a craving, or it can be used for more long-standing desires such as a relationship. Doing this process brings you to right here, right now, where you are already whole and complete, and where you need nothing. And this place of having is a much better place to be in than being in the throes of the agony of lack.

For in the end, all desire, no matter what flavor it takes, whether for desserts, sex, money, relationships, health, you name it, is always a desire for the Infinite. A desire for that state of inner peace and joy that transcends all experience. Only that will ever bring the joy and happiness that we seek. The real Self, the inner Truth of me, will bring the all that we seek and never find in the world. As Sri Ramana Maharshi said, “To be the Self that you really are is the only means to realise the bliss that is ever yours.” Yes, turning within seems to be the only answer. Releasing the lack, releasing the wanting, and simply resting in the joy from within and allowing the experience of having whatever we have seems to be the only way to fully live and yet remain free.

Please check back later in the week for Part 2 on Desire.