Written on December 2, 2009 by Tom Stine
I strongly urge all of you to read Who Hears This Sound? Adyashanti On Waking Up From The Dream Of “Me” published a few years ago in The Sun magazine. Someone sent me a link to the article, and I found it to be one of the best and clearest presentations of Adyashanti’s teachings I’ve ever read. It is often hard to find succinct versions of a teacher’s ideas and thoughts, but the interviewer did a nice job of bringing greater clarity to an already fairly clear teaching. That’s one of the reasons I like Adya so much: he is extraordinarily clear for an awake guy.
Here are a few excerpts to read now to whet your appetite for the rather long and extensive interview:
Awakening is when you realize that what you thought you were was nothing more than a dream, and you perceive the reality outside the dream, what’s dreaming the dream of you. It’s not just a mystical experience. It is actually realizing the underlying unity of all things.
Simply because you’ve had an awakening, however, does not mean you stay awake. Enlightenment, in simple terms, is when you stay awake. If the awakening is abiding, that’s enlightenment. And most awakenings are not abiding — at least, not initially.
Enlightenment has nothing to do with the head or the heart. Certainly, the head and the heart tend to open up, but that’s a byproduct. Enlightenment is actually waking up from the head and from the heart. It’s waking up from the dream of “me” and seeing the oneness of all things. That’s what I mean by “reality”: that oneness. The truth is that you are that unity. You are not simply a particular person in a particular body with a particular personality; you are that one reality, which manifests itself as all these seemingly separate things.
Spiritual awakening doesn’t happen because you master some spiritual technique. There are lots of skillful meditators who are not awake. Awakening happens when you stop bullshitting yourself into continual nonawakening. It’s very easy to use disciplines to avoid reality rather than to encounter it. A true spirituality will have you continually facing your illusions and all the ways you avoid reality. Spiritual practice may be an important means of confronting yourself, or it may be a means of avoiding yourself; it all depends on your attitude and intention.
So life became my practice, and mistakes became my teacher. And once again I experienced failure after failure. It was humbling, even humiliating. I put myself in situations where my self-image would get crushed. Looking back I could easily say, “Boy, I made a lot of dumb mistakes.” But I needed to do it that way. I wasn’t going to let go of those identities on the meditation cushion. It would have been nice if it could have been contained in this safe environment — bowing and meditating and meeting with the teacher — but it often doesn’t work that way. Spirituality is much more of a bloody mess than we like to admit.
Excellent interview. It is Adyashanti at his best. Again, the link is:
Who Hears This Sound? Adyashanti On Waking Up From The Dream Of “Me”
Enjoy. Namaste.
Written on July 11, 2009 by Tom Stine
My good friend Takuin Minamoto has asked a question over at Takuin.com that I felt deserved an answer. First, let me re-print Takuin’s question, and below I will give the answer I left in his comments. I encourage you to read the other fabulous comments at his site. I think he has started a theme that I will be coming back to increasingly over the next few weeks. First, Takuin’s question:
This is a question for fellow writers of spiritual matters, but anyone is free to comment below.
I have noticed a trend – and it is nothing earth shattering – in this world of spiritual teaching:
A man or woman may come to a realization, perhaps only a realization on a superficial level, or perhaps something deeper, then they begin to ‘teach’ it. Not that there is necessarily anything wrong with this. But it makes me wonder if enlightenment, the way that term is used by the masses, is nothing more than conformity to one’s ideals of enlightenment.
I am not against anything they are doing, and I cannot sit here and say I ‘know them’ in any intimate way. But is this all we have to look forward to? We go to listen to someone speak on a podium, we may have or may not have a realization, then we go and speak on a podium.
My big question is, In what way is this helpful to humanity?
Don’t take it as, “I am expecting there to be something or nothing there,” because that is not it. I really want to know.
How do you see this?
My responses in no particular order:
1. In response to your main question: “In what way is this helpful to humanity?” I think I’ll start with the most obvious response: I don’t know. None of us do. Part of the beauty of this Life we are is that so much is a mystery. As long as we are open to what is coming through us, and we are even remotely honest with ourselves about where we are, then Life will just have its way, and then we get to watch it unfold.
2. Another immediate response I get to your question is: “Who cares?” I mean that literally and in its more “advaita” sense. Why does the question even arise for you? Do our actions need to benefit humanity? I don’t really know if they do. Although, I have to add, that the more we “open” to Life, the more our actions DO seem to benefit humanity, or at least they tend to move in that direction. But that is an observation, not a statement of necessity. We don’t NEED to benefit humanity. But it sure seems that we do.
3. I suspect that as many have remarked, most people do not enter the role of teacher as they awaken to the truth. That is my experience at least. There may be an inclination to share, but not to truly teach as a “profession.” Look at the people Adyashanti has asked to teach. Most of them only do it part time. They have other functions in life, like therapists and, as in the case of my friend Larry Melton, scientists. Funky, huh?
4. I have to say that way too many people go into the spiritual teaching gig than seems warranted. That’s at least is how it SEEMS. Maybe it is just the right number. Actually, I guess that is true… the number is just right else…. there would be fewer. That said, some of these teachers are such ego maniacs as to not even be funny. What a delicious contradiction, eh? A teacher of “enlightenment” who is so obviously stuck in the muck of his own ego! Life is TOO FUNNY!!!!! Maybe that’s the point, to make us laugh uproariously? Or to cry profusely?
5. As has been observed by others, some of us just can’t help but teach. My experience mirrors theirs: I can’t avoid teaching. It just happens. People are always asking me questions as if I KNOW something they don’t. Maybe I do. Doubt it. But nonetheless, I answer, and they go away satisfied. LOL See, life is funny. But yes, some of us were just born this way, like a genetic condition. Or more likely childhood conditioning. So we just do what we are meant to do, and we do our utmost to clean out our own crapola so that we are hopefully as clear an instrument as possible. But teach we must.
6. Interesting to me that you would ask this question now, as I’ve felt very much led in recent months to “get busy” as it were and move forward in a big way with the whole spiritual teaching gig. So, I guess the question just became more “personal” in a sense: In what way will Tom Stine be helpful to humanity? No idea how to answer that one. I guess I’ll find out!
7. It has become clearer to me that quite likely the most practical thing a person can do is pursue enlightenment. It sure seems to be of great benefit to an individual human organism to have some level of realization occur. While that is not always the case, it seems to beat the hell out of every other “self-improvement” process out there. I know, “self” improvement is the last thing that one can say about awakening, but there you go: the apparent individual often as not has a corresponding improvement in “his” life as he realizes more and more that there is no self. LOL My God, Life has one hell of a sense of humor, huh? But I’ll stick by my basic assertion: the pursuit of enlightenment is the most practical thing you can do. (Contradictions in that assertion conceded.)
8. As someone wiser than me once observed: there is a teacher for everyone at every stage of the journey. Even the most seemingly screwed-up individual can serve as a great teacher for someone. I’m reminded of someone that I met at a Sedona Method retreat who, when I met him, seemed like a “train wreck” of a person. After seeing this person at a few retreats, I remarked upon him to one of my friends. My friend’s response: “you think he is a train wreck now, you should have seen him a few years ago!” Whoa. But lo and behold, as I let go of my judgments about this person, and got to know him a bit, I discovered that he was a very successful coach who helps a lot of people, all the while still having the outer appearance of “train wreck.” His clients love him and swear by him. Who’d a thunk it? So… while I can’t say with certainty, it appears that humanity benefits from even the worst of the lot in the teaching/coaching/self-help movement. I’m gonna get myself in trouble with this next comment, but did you ever notice what a great impact Osho had on people? Drug addiction and Rolls Royces not withstanding.
9. My last point: I am very clear that there is no answer to the question “What’s the point of all this?” Nor do I see any purpose when I look for one to anything that goes on, including all this spiritual teaching stuff. And yet, there is an appearance of a purpose, and that appearance, in my eyes, seems to be: to see more clearly. If there is any benefit, then, to humanity, it is the gradual opening of its collective and individual eyes. That would be the appearance of a purpose for all this teaching that goes on. People become clearer and clearer on what is real, what is true.
Written on March 18, 2009 by Tom Stine
A reader sent me an email letting me know that a statement of mine in my last post I Want to Be Like Jed sounded like I was claiming that I’m enlightened. The line in question was a bit misleading, so I’ve changed it. However, the line in question did cause me to think of something that I want to share with all of you before heading to bed.
So, how would you know if “I” am enlightened? How would you know if anyone is enlightened? What’s great about these questions is that (1) they are questions that most spiritual people ask about various teachers and gurus and (2) they are so misguided as to be a bit comical.
First of all, you have absolutely no way of knowing if someone is enlightened or not. Period. No way. Zero. Zip. Nada. How can I be so utterly certain? Because you can’t know anything about another. All you can do is have an experience of them. You may have an experience of where their consciousness is at (ego or One, let’s say). You may see their behaviors. But to know if they are awake? Nope. I feel I have a pretty strong sense of where someone’s consciousness is at, where their “focus” is. But I could be seriously wrong. And beyond that? No clue. And moreover, I don’t really care.
Secondly, questions like this inevitably come back to some pretty fundamental things about enlightenment. For instance, who is it that is enlightened? Is Tom Stine ever going to be enlightened? No, he isn’t. Tom Stine is just a body and mind playing around in the dream state. But is Tom that which will ever awaken to the truth? No.
Then what does awaken? That which is already awake. Oh, isn’t this stuff just crazy to actually see in print? That’s why you gotta take all spiritual literature with a grain of salt. None of it is true. At best, it is an attempt at expressing some form of truth to encourage the reader to find out for himself or herself what all the fuss is about. Never take any of it as a statement of the truth. Find out for yourself what is true!
I think it was Yogananda who said, “Anyone who claims to be enlightened isn’t.” I don’t think he got it quite right. Better to say, “Anyone who believes he is enlightened isn’t!” For enlightenment is beyond any belief as it is beyond the mind.
Just some late night thoughts for you. Namaste.
Written on March 18, 2009 by Tom Stine
A reader sent me the following email:
I was interested to see you recommend McKenna’s books. His description of enlightenment strikes me as a empty, boring state, in sharp contrast to most people’s ideas. Is his “enlightenment” something you find attractive and seek?
Assuming the books are factual, I have to wonder if he got stuck in a dead end on his spiritual path. If enlightenment means pitying, rather than loving, everyone else, and spending days playing video games to stave off the boredom, count me out.
As you can tell by my somewhat tongue in cheek title, I have to answer my reader’s question “yes.” I do find Jed’s enlightenment attractive. And the primary reason is quite simple: I desire the truth. If what Jed describes is the truth, the Truth with a capital T, then I want it. I want nothing but the truth. As Morpheus tells Neo: “I offer only the truth, nothing more.” Even if the truth is I wake-up from my nice comfy world and discover I must live on a hover craft while psychopathic machines hunt me down, then, well, so be it.
I know, it sounds a bit nuts to say something like that, but you see, this whole enlightenment thing IS nuts. I strongly suggest that you let go of any notion of pursuing enlightenment unless you simply have no choice. I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing if I weren’t simply compelled to do it. For most people, some nice, simple garden variety awakenings are more than sufficient. I guess I should explain that some more, but I will save that for later.
My reader also made an excellent point in his email: most people’s ideas about enlightenment are in sharp contrast to what Jed McKenna has to say. But I’ll be honest: my ideas about enlightenment are now, and have been for quite some time, in sharp contrast to most people’s. Enlightenment has nothing to do with bliss and joy and eternal happiness. Most people think that nirvana is some blissed-out state like an infinite orgasm. Nirvana is simply the word the Buddha used to describe the cessation of the separate self (nirvana means cessation, by the way). Enlightenment isn’t eternal bliss: it is freedom. Freedom from the idea you are a someone, a self, a separate entity. The ultimate freedom is to realize you are nothing.
All I’ve found with Jed is an echo of my own periods of realization. I’ve also discovered a thing or two that has radically changed my approach to life here on planet Earth. More on that one at a later date. (I know, I’m always promising more later. But I deliver, don’t I?)
So, in sum, I still strongly recommend you read Jed. He will go a long way toward demystifying enlightenment for you and helping you to see what the spiritual “journey” is really about. The best book of the three is the third one, Spiritual Warfare, but the other two are pretty essential to understanding all that Jed has to say.
Written on March 4, 2009 by Tom Stine
I’ve received a few emails lately about my recommendation of Jed McKenna’s books, both in praise and a few negative ones. I responded to one friend’s email, and in the process, realized I wrote a blog post! I had wanted to do so anyway, so here is somewhat edited version of the email I sent my friend.
First: I have a sneaking suspicion that Jed McKenna is none other than Adyashanti writing under a pseudonym. I could be wrong. But I’ve listened to hundreds of hours of Adya’s talks, and I have a strange ability to remember the most trivial things. And so when Jed McKenna uses an example that is almost identical to one I’ve heard Adya use, and one that seems quite original at that, I get curious. After 15 times of this happening, I get suspicious. Honestly, it makes me laugh.t
Second: Jed’s books serve a very important purpose. They are descriptive of what may in fact be one facet of the awakening process. Basically, our attachment to ego has got to go. No getting around it. We think we ARE the ego, and we just have to drop that. That’s why Adya talks of “getting out the swords and hacking and slashing.” You gotta LOOK AT YOUR BELIEFS and see that they are all untrue. Every single one of them is untrue. You have to look at enough of them until the house of cards collapses. Again, that’s why Adya also says, “Awakening can be a bloody mess.”
Jed highlights that part. No, he hammers it home. 99 times out of 100, people don’t just see a glimmer of the Truth and wake up like Ramana or Ekchart Tolle. When they do, they have to sit on a park bench for 2 years or in a cave for 10. When the ego is just blown out like that, the mind/body often goes into major shutdown. For the rest of us, the 99, we have to sit down and look deeply at ourselves, being willing to look at every nook and cranny of our psyche. We have to do something that would make a Freudian analyst pee his pants.
Third: One criticism of Jed is that he seems to deny the “heart” aspect of awakening. He even seems to be disdainful of things of the heart. If you read Jed from a slightly broader perspective, however, you see the heart in what he says. Jed says he “doesn’t do heart” not so much as a dismissal of what we can call Love but as a pointing out that squishy, gooey, New Age stuff (or any religion for that matter) will almost certainly NOT result in awakening. The failure rate is almost 100%. 99.9999% to be completely not-exact.
That to me is a real value of Jed McKenna. He slams home a point that almost no one asks: what is the success rate of most spiritual teachers and teachings? If we answer honestly, we have to say: pathetic. Assuming, of course, that you measure success as awakening (enlightenment). Very, very few wake up. Jed tries to explain why.
Fourth: I’m reading and recommending Jed because he offers something valuable. A wake up call. If you are on the Enlightenment path, then get down to business. Do it. Find out who and what you are. NOW. Sit down and wade through the ego. See what happens. I’m also recommending it because there is some AMAZING material for those who are not going to attain Enlightenment, a whole huge discussion that he calls Human Adulthood or the Integrated State. You get that in book 3, and it is wonderful. I can’t even begin to describe it here. But suffice it to say, if you simply want a better life, Jed explains how to have that happen. I agree with him completely. You gotta grow-up.
Fifth: As Adya correctly points, all spiritual teachings are TEACHING TOOLS. They are meant to hit the reader between the eyes and stir up something real and vital. They are never to be taken literally as the truth. Jed’s books, Adya’s satsangs, Gangaji’s satsangs, Ramana’s teachings, you name it, none of it should never be taken literally. And, yes, people do. And their is nothing you can do about that. If you are in the spiritual teaching business, just say your piece and let it go. Humanity will do with it what it pleases. And somewhere along the way, someone will benefit greatly because the real purpose of all these words took place: to cancel out some of your beliefs and allow a glimpse of truth to happen.
Sixth: The problem people have with Jed is the same problem most of us have with EVERY teacher. The problem is a question our egos love to ask: HOW AWAKE ARE THEY? People love to play the “my guru can kick your guru’s ass” game. If I’m into Adya, I think he is the most awake being on the planet. If you are into Ramana, he’s the most enlightened being ever. Jed rubs you the wrong way and so you think he is the height of ego. That’s how the mind works, isn’t it? Mine is better than yours. Everyone plays the game. I’ve played it, too.
But guess what? Sailor Bob Adamson said it best: ”The only difference between an awakened one and one who hasn’t awakened is that the awakened one knows that there IS NO DIFFERENCE!” Go Sailor Bob!! Yep, that’s it. Not one shred of difference. From the perspective of Truth, no one is more awake than someone else. At best, and again this is just a metaphor, one person is a little better at pretending to be asleep than another. But still…. how can the One reality be different? How can there be an iota of separation between us? It may appear that way, but that’s our only problem!! Appearances can be deceiving!!
So, is Jed the bomb? Is he the most important, biggest, etc? Hell no. Jed isn’t the most awake being. There’s no such thing. Get to the place where you know what Sailor Bob means.
That said: I also feel I have a pretty good meter for where someone’s consciousness lies. On one end of the scale is very egoic. On the other end, hardly any ego, every clear. Jed’s at the clear end. How clear? I don’t know. How much ego left? Don’t know. Does he need to “awaken” some more? Don’t know. Adyashanti? Very clear. More awakening? Don’t know. Don’t care, either.
As for other spiritual teachers who have the label “enlightened” attached to them, my meter says they ain’t so hot. But so what?!?! If my meter says still egoic, then I don’t touch their teachings. Doesn’t mean I’m right, it just means I’m not interested in their teachings. I certainly think some of these so called “enlightened” gurus have experienced a great deal of awakening to the truth. But full blown enlightenment? Not according to my meter. But hey, my meter may suck!! It really doesn’t matter in the end anyway.
None of this stuff is a problem unless we take it all seriously, like it matters. It doesn’t. The truth is to let all that stuff go and just enjoy the dance of life. Nothing else to do. As Jed and Adya (and Ramana and Nisargadatta and many others) point out, it’s all about surrender in the end. True surrender. What you are surrenders its illusions to the Truth. Just let it all go!
So, again, get Jed McKenna’s book. Believe it or not, I’ve got more to say about Jed and enlightenment, but I’ll save that for my next post.
Written on March 1, 2009 by Tom Stine
I haven’t recommended anything in a long time, so here are three books to read, all by the same person, Jed McKenna:
- Spiritual Enlightenment: The Damnedest Thing
- Spiritually Incorrect Enlightenment
- Spiritual Warfare
These 3 books are fantastic. They are a very clear and detailed explanation of spiritual awakening. Jed does a nice job of showing some of the ins and outs. I don’t necessarily agree with every last word of his, but for the most part, Jed has written books that capture my experience quite well.
One curious thing, however: who is Jed McKenna? If you google him, you will come up very short. He seems to hardly exist. There is even some speculation that the house and ashram he describes in the first book may in fact never have existed. So, the stories in the books may be fictional to some extent. However, the information is not fictional in the slightest.
Read and enjoy. If you would like to buy the books from Amazon, here are the links (from which I receive a tiny commission):
Written on January 30, 2009 by Tom Stine
A reader passed along the following from Anthony deMello:
“Is Enlightenment easy or difficult?”
“It is as easy and as difficult as seeing what is right before your eyes.”
“How can seeing what is right before one’s eyes be difficult?”
To that the Master responded with the following anecdote:
A girl greeted her boyfriend. “Notice anything different about me?”
“New dress?”
“No.”
“New shoes?”
“No. Something else.”
“I give up.”
“I’m wearing a gas mask.”
Written on November 5, 2008 by Tom Stine
I have a good friend with whom I often disagree on spiritual issues. I think on some level we enjoy our disagreement, even though on another level we often react to each other as if to say, “Are you nuts?” Recently we exchanged a few emails, and I sent him a message today that I’m quite certain he won’t like. Afterwards, I thought, “Hey, if my friend won’t like it, I’m sure it will irritate others, too.” Of course, that means I need to publish it here. 
Truth is a not a state of being or consciousness or anything. The truth is what is. When you awaken, you simply drop into being able to know that which is, without any interference from your mind. No state. Just pure awareness. Awareness aware of itself. Because what it perceives is that everything it perceives is itself. Total unity.
Some of the quantum physics people who have gotten all new-agey like to speak of the fundamental field of reality, or the ground or field out of which all things arise. This field is the Buddhist “nothingness”. Same thing with spirit, consciousness, awareness, etc. All are empty in the sense of no-thing-ness, ie, they aren’t objects to be perceived.
And so, when awakening occurs, when enlightenment happens, one becomes fully aware of the truth, i.e., that all is merely an appearance of this fundamental ground of being, all is this complete totality, all one essence, all one intelligence, all one awareness, conscious, awake, alive, aware.
No states of anything. Just pure beingness. In essence, that’s really all there is to enlightenment.
Namaste.
Written on September 15, 2008 by Tom Stine
A while back, my friend Jonathan Mead over at Illuminated Mind wrote an article on enlightenment in which he said:
“Your realization that everything is non-dual will not break all of the previous self-limiting and fear-based beliefs you have with yourself. Breaking those agreements will require hard work and perspiration to change.”
I’ve intended for a while to write a brief article on this comment of Jonathan’s to offer a different perspective. So, here goes:
To be honest, his statement runs counter to my experience and that of others. When the realization of no-self dawns, not merely an intellectual understand, but a true realization, beliefs disappear. As Ramana Maharshi pointed out, the belief in a separate “me,” what he called the I-thought, is the root of all other beliefs. When it drops away, all beliefs are suspended. Thoughts might still arise, but they cannot be believed again. If they arise again, then the I-thought has returned.
To be awake, one would need to be free from the identification with belief. So, in a sense, the definition of enlightened would be “free from believing any thought.” So, I would have to disagree with Jonathan’s statement. Realization does, in fact, break the entire ego system.
I think the key word here is realization. What he describes in his post is, for me, more of an intellectual understanding which isn’t a realization. That’s how it appears to me.
That said, I have to agree with much of what Jonathan says elsewhere in the post. Enlightenment is, truly, no big deal and quite ordinary in a certain sense. But it does have incredible power to transform. But on its terms and by its agenda.
Personally, I’ve found realization of no-self to be an incredible “ego-cleaner.” It is as if someone has taken a roto-rooter to my mind. Nothing is allowed to remain hidden. The Truth is an amazing solvent, a powerful dissolver of the thoughts, feelings and beliefs we call “ego.” Everything must be seen through. I have no choice in this matter (because there is no I, to be sure!). It is a process that takes on a life of its own.
I’m beginning to think that if there is a purpose to life, it is this: to see everything more and more clearly. To penetrate to the truth of everything and know it fully, deeply. And that’s it, nothing else. It gives life a new flavor and savor to realize that.
Personal Note I’ve been a bit slow of late to post articles. I plan to get back to my regular posting frequency in a few weeks. My grandmother became sick a few weeks ago and then passed away. She was 93. While I can’t say that her illness and passing has caused me to post less frequently, it has resulted in a greater degree of introspection and all around distraction. Namaste.
Written on August 13, 2008 by Tom Stine
To encounter the absolute is not yet enlightenment.
I have commented before upon this one line from the Sandokai, but today I want to take a different look at it. As the years have gone by, and my experience with teachings and teachers and the whole world of spirituality has increased, I’m beginning to see this one simple line as probably the greatest bit of wisdom that every spiritual teacher should know by heart. For so many doing the spiritual gig have encountered the absolute but not yet seen that fully flower into enlightenment.
What does it mean “to encounter the absolute?”
The Absolute. How to explain what is beyond explanation? Many people have had spiritual experiences. You meditate and experience bliss. You walk in the woods and are overwhelmed by the presence of nature and life in the trees and plants, earth and sky. You recall a past life. You have an “ah-ha!” moment about some aspect of your existence, a great insight into how things work. All of these are the joys of spirituality. But none of them are what we mean by encountering the absolute.
To encounter the absolute is to suddenly see, to know, to experience the truth. It is wordless, soundless Silence. It is often described as a parting of the veil, the veil of believing you are a separate self. For one shining moment (or hours or days or years) you know what you are. There is nothing that is not what you are. You are the formless, empty, spirit, and yet you are everything.
“Have I experienced an encounter with the absolute?” you ask yourself. The answer is almost surely no. If you’ve encountered it, you know. You have no doubt. No spiritual experience can compare. And none will ever mean anything to you again.
Why is this not enlightenment?
While the absolute is the formless truth, it is being experienced here in the world of form. As such, the world of form and its priorities may arise again to dominate the experience of someone who has encountered the absolute. In other words, the veil may part, which has the tendency to tear holes in the veil, but the pieces remaining will often fall back to obscure our sight. These pieces we could call remnants of the ego, our belief in a separate self.
Once you’ve seen, you’ve seen. You can’t un-know what you now know. But you can get lost in the mind and the world again. You know it isn’t you, but the momentum of what was your human life is still carrying you forward. And thus you can still be operating in the world from a not awake, not enlightened place.
Many (most?) spiritual teachers whom we encounter in the world are in this exact position. They have tasted the absolute, but they have not reached a place that we would call enlightened. They are still operating from some sense of a personal identity. They are not fully awake.
And that is perfectly fine. A teacher is not lesser because he hasn’t fully awakened. There are still many, many people who need what he or she has to offer. The grave fallacy that so many run into, which probably leads to a certain amount of difficulties, is the notion that a teacher needs to be “done” to be a teacher. But it isn’t so. All that is required is honesty with yourself and those you teach and interact with. Much can be learned, much can be shared.
My story of encountering the absolute
Please keep in mind throughout what follows that it is just a story. All experiences are just experiences, and they really don’t carry any deeper meaning. Whether it is the Buddha under the Bodhi tree, or Tom Stine in his favorite chair, the only purpose for stories like this one are to help others.
That said, after many years of spiritual experiences, meditation, retreats, you name it, here is what I experienced one evening. These are the words I wrote down the following day:
I had spent a good part of the day Friday experiencing a strange on and off anxiety which mostly went away when I sat down and was still. I worked with a client in the late afternoon, and we had a really good session. However, I felt a compelling need by the evening to spend a long time sitting and meditating. I got a bit distracted, though, and wasted time on the Internet. By nine o’clock, the compulsion to sit had grown stronger, and so I sat.
As I sat, many thoughts and beliefs came up, and I started doing some inquiry on them. I saw through a number of the beliefs, and felt the whole thing releasing easily. But as I kept going further with it, I kept coming back to asking “who is the one who believes that?” And after using that question a number of times, I found myself asking, “what am I?”
Then the strangest thought came to me. The thought was, “Everyone puts the emphasis on ‘I’ when the emphasis should be on AM.” And then I saw it, I mean I actually saw it, I saw behind the word “I.” Or as Ramana would say, I saw behind the I-thought. It was like it was suddenly transparent. And there was nothing there. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. It was as if “I” is just a little hazy thing, and behind it is absolutely nothing, no substance, no essence, no fullness. I is completely empty of meaning, of ANYTHING. But as I’ve heard Adya say many times, “it is the fullest nothing you’ve ever seen.” I could feel this nothing throughout my whole “being.”
And I started laughing. I was laughing so hard. I kept saying over and over again, “well I’ll be damned.” My mind couldn’t believe it, but “I” knew that it was real. And then it got even funnier. I realized that every time I’ve ever thought or said the word “I,” it was a joke. There is no I. Never was. And every time I thought “I” this or “I” that, I started laughing even harder. I couldn’t stop laughing. And I could barely say “I”. The word still seems like a joke today. At least I can say it and type it without laughing. But whenever I say “I”, I’m not talking about anyone.
So today everything is a little weird. My mind keeps asking when this is going to stop. It wants to know if this is permanent, or abiding, or is it going to fade away and leave me. And yet when I look behind the thought “I”, I see this, this, no-thing. It permeates everything. And yet my mind is still doing its thing, telling its stories, doing its silly routine. But it does seem quieter. And it seems so ridiculous.
And so the non-existent journey continues. The ego resurrects itself from the ashes of its undoing, but it is fundamentally changed. I can never look at it or life the same again. I’ve seen it for what it is, an empty thought. But yet, there it is, often beguiling, often giving me opportunities to get lost in thought and feelings for a few hours or a few days. But always then the opportunity to see fresh and to “know again” what I have always known.
But “to encounter the absolute is not yet enlightenment.” I get it. The absolute has not flowered into what we would call enlightenment. Not yet. It is very strange, but I can feel an undercurrent, something carrying me forward, in ways that I cannot imagine or toward a destination that I cannot foresee. But onward it goes. And that is the way of it for all of us. Always moving onward toward the fullest expression of the Absolute.
I’m grateful that I was introduced to this powerful reminder of humility in the face of whatever I may experience. I only wish that many, many others on the spiritual path would know these words, too. There are more than a few teachers out there who could use a dose of humility. Wouldn’t you agree?
Thanks for reading. Let me hear from you below. Namaste.
