Encountering the Absolute – Not Yet Enlightenment
Written on August 13, 2008 by Tom Stine
To encounter the absolute is not yet enlightenment.
I have commented before upon this one line from the Sandokai, but today I want to take a different look at it. As the years have gone by, and my experience with teachings and teachers and the whole world of spirituality has increased, I’m beginning to see this one simple line as probably the greatest bit of wisdom that every spiritual teacher should know by heart. For so many doing the spiritual gig have encountered the absolute but not yet seen that fully flower into enlightenment.
What does it mean “to encounter the absolute?”
The Absolute. How to explain what is beyond explanation? Many people have had spiritual experiences. You meditate and experience bliss. You walk in the woods and are overwhelmed by the presence of nature and life in the trees and plants, earth and sky. You recall a past life. You have an “ah-ha!” moment about some aspect of your existence, a great insight into how things work. All of these are the joys of spirituality. But none of them are what we mean by encountering the absolute.
To encounter the absolute is to suddenly see, to know, to experience the truth. It is wordless, soundless Silence. It is often described as a parting of the veil, the veil of believing you are a separate self. For one shining moment (or hours or days or years) you know what you are. There is nothing that is not what you are. You are the formless, empty, spirit, and yet you are everything.
“Have I experienced an encounter with the absolute?” you ask yourself. The answer is almost surely no. If you’ve encountered it, you know. You have no doubt. No spiritual experience can compare. And none will ever mean anything to you again.
Why is this not enlightenment?
While the absolute is the formless truth, it is being experienced here in the world of form. As such, the world of form and its priorities may arise again to dominate the experience of someone who has encountered the absolute. In other words, the veil may part, which has the tendency to tear holes in the veil, but the pieces remaining will often fall back to obscure our sight. These pieces we could call remnants of the ego, our belief in a separate self.
Once you’ve seen, you’ve seen. You can’t un-know what you now know. But you can get lost in the mind and the world again. You know it isn’t you, but the momentum of what was your human life is still carrying you forward. And thus you can still be operating in the world from a not awake, not enlightened place.
Many (most?) spiritual teachers whom we encounter in the world are in this exact position. They have tasted the absolute, but they have not reached a place that we would call enlightened. They are still operating from some sense of a personal identity. They are not fully awake.
And that is perfectly fine. A teacher is not lesser because he hasn’t fully awakened. There are still many, many people who need what he or she has to offer. The grave fallacy that so many run into, which probably leads to a certain amount of difficulties, is the notion that a teacher needs to be “done” to be a teacher. But it isn’t so. All that is required is honesty with yourself and those you teach and interact with. Much can be learned, much can be shared.
My story of encountering the absolute
Please keep in mind throughout what follows that it is just a story. All experiences are just experiences, and they really don’t carry any deeper meaning. Whether it is the Buddha under the Bodhi tree, or Tom Stine in his favorite chair, the only purpose for stories like this one are to help others.
That said, after many years of spiritual experiences, meditation, retreats, you name it, here is what I experienced one evening. These are the words I wrote down the following day:
I had spent a good part of the day Friday experiencing a strange on and off anxiety which mostly went away when I sat down and was still. I worked with a client in the late afternoon, and we had a really good session. However, I felt a compelling need by the evening to spend a long time sitting and meditating. I got a bit distracted, though, and wasted time on the Internet. By nine o’clock, the compulsion to sit had grown stronger, and so I sat.
As I sat, many thoughts and beliefs came up, and I started doing some inquiry on them. I saw through a number of the beliefs, and felt the whole thing releasing easily. But as I kept going further with it, I kept coming back to asking “who is the one who believes that?” And after using that question a number of times, I found myself asking, “what am I?”
Then the strangest thought came to me. The thought was, “Everyone puts the emphasis on ‘I’ when the emphasis should be on AM.” And then I saw it, I mean I actually saw it, I saw behind the word “I.” Or as Ramana would say, I saw behind the I-thought. It was like it was suddenly transparent. And there was nothing there. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. It was as if “I” is just a little hazy thing, and behind it is absolutely nothing, no substance, no essence, no fullness. I is completely empty of meaning, of ANYTHING. But as I’ve heard Adya say many times, “it is the fullest nothing you’ve ever seen.” I could feel this nothing throughout my whole “being.”
And I started laughing. I was laughing so hard. I kept saying over and over again, “well I’ll be damned.” My mind couldn’t believe it, but “I” knew that it was real. And then it got even funnier. I realized that every time I’ve ever thought or said the word “I,” it was a joke. There is no I. Never was. And every time I thought “I” this or “I” that, I started laughing even harder. I couldn’t stop laughing. And I could barely say “I”. The word still seems like a joke today. At least I can say it and type it without laughing. But whenever I say “I”, I’m not talking about anyone.
So today everything is a little weird. My mind keeps asking when this is going to stop. It wants to know if this is permanent, or abiding, or is it going to fade away and leave me. And yet when I look behind the thought “I”, I see this, this, no-thing. It permeates everything. And yet my mind is still doing its thing, telling its stories, doing its silly routine. But it does seem quieter. And it seems so ridiculous.
And so the non-existent journey continues. The ego resurrects itself from the ashes of its undoing, but it is fundamentally changed. I can never look at it or life the same again. I’ve seen it for what it is, an empty thought. But yet, there it is, often beguiling, often giving me opportunities to get lost in thought and feelings for a few hours or a few days. But always then the opportunity to see fresh and to “know again” what I have always known.
But “to encounter the absolute is not yet enlightenment.” I get it. The absolute has not flowered into what we would call enlightenment. Not yet. It is very strange, but I can feel an undercurrent, something carrying me forward, in ways that I cannot imagine or toward a destination that I cannot foresee. But onward it goes. And that is the way of it for all of us. Always moving onward toward the fullest expression of the Absolute.
I’m grateful that I was introduced to this powerful reminder of humility in the face of whatever I may experience. I only wish that many, many others on the spiritual path would know these words, too. There are more than a few teachers out there who could use a dose of humility. Wouldn’t you agree?
Thanks for reading. Let me hear from you below. Namaste.
